MIL posting videos of DD on Facebook

[frame212]

I have name changed for this just so it doesn't link back to others as along with other posts it may be outing

MIL likes to post everything on Facebook. Not only that but she will tag a load of people in the post at the same time. I'm not sure if she thinks tagging is her showing that person or if she just likes to tag us all in the random stuff. Annoying, but not the worst of issues.
However, we have been sending her videos of our four month DD and these then end up on her Facebook account. She's posted one today we took of dd laughing in the bath (she's covered, but I still don't like the idea of this being on Facebook) but she has also tagged a random friend of hers I don't know/never met and my partners brothers new girlfriend who I have also never met before. Tagging means these videos and pictures then show up on that persons timeline as well and displayed to all their friends.

I'm feeling very uneasy about this and I want to say something. I spoke to partner and he doesn't see the big deal and says his mum does that with everything. I know I will be made to be seen like I'm being over protective but I don't think I am (I'm also aware my partner should be backing me on this so planning to have a very serious conversation about my boundaries and how he should be enforcing them too)

Question is though - am I being unreasonable to ask that she stops tagging people in these? I understand wanting to show off dd to friends and being excited but also these are private videos I'm taking to share with family who are not close by and they end up online for all to see without even asking me first.
I'd say I'd just stop sending her videos but partner will want to send them to her since she works away and doesn't get to see dd often

Sounds seriously stressful OP.

Wouldn't be falling out with your MIL but I would be setting some clear boundaries and simply tell her nobody but you (& your DH) souls be sharing these things.
Surely your DH should be handling this? If he isn't then I guess it's down to you to do the following:
Explain how strongly uncomfortable you are with the situation and why.
Ask her to remove existing posts and absolutely no further posts.
It's your choice which audience your child is or isn't exposed to- nobody else.

Stop sending her the videos and explain you don’t want the children on Facebook, photos or otherwise. Don’t mention the tagging thing, just tell her to stop.

If you are uncomfortable with this then you definitely need to address it by calmly but firmly stating that you don’t want things like that being shared (or even better have DH address it). People sometimes don’t realise the risks attached to sharing information, photos, etc of children on Facebook. But nobody should be sharing images of someone else’s child online when they’ve been asked not to, so I hope she respects your wishes when you address this. My MIL unfortunately was not at all understanding when we tried to address a similar issue, but she’s a very unreasonable person and that’s a whole other story 😂

Your OH should be supporting you on this. You’re a new mum and have every right to look out for and protect your baby. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for setting boundaries.

Nope, not cool at all. She needs to be told to pack that in!

I would not be okay with that at all. I agree with you @frame212 . The tagging randoms means your child's video/pictures are being seen by lots of people you don't even know. Your MIL may not understand this.

I'd have the talk. Validate her enthusiasm and just explain that you'd like to keep baby's pictures off other people's accounts. You could say you don't mind her posting pictures without tagging people, or asking her not to post outside of special days - I'm assuming it's okay she posts sometimes?

I know this stuff is not easy. Good luck.

YANBU. I 100% agree with you, OP. I would absolutely not like videos, or even photos, that I've sent privately ending up on FB. Perhaps explain gently these are private moments shared with family and selected trusted friends and its up to you which ones, if any, are okay to be shared more publicly.

Tell her to take them down, or just contact FB directly about it. You can most definitely have your own pictures removed if shared without your consent so I assume it would be the same for a 4 mo child.

I would speak to her and tell her your concerns. Plenty of people dont want pics of their kids on Facebook. Also explain the tagging to her

If you're happy for her to post them you need to tell her to stop tagging people and ensure her privacy settings are set as 'friends only'

I’d ask her to take it down and explain no photos / videos on social media without prior agreement. She’ll moan about it but it’s a pretty simple well known “rule” to adhere to.

Definitely not being unreasonable, I would be really annoyed.

Thankfully neither mine nor DPs families are big on SM, but in your position I would be telling DP that this is non-negotiable and he needs to tell MIL to stop posting private family photos and videos on FB. In the meantime I would stop sending them.

To give MIL the benefit of the doubt, if she's not very tech savvy maybe she isn't aware that everyone can see what she shares on FB, not just the people that are tagged? But then you'd need to decide if you're happy for her to use a private method of sharing with the same people e.g. WhatsApp. I suspect she might do this regardless of your views, in which case limit the content you send e.g. no bathtime videos.

If you don't put a stop to this now, it won't be long before your child is very identifiable, and she'll be putting up all sorts on FB. You need to address this now and get your partner to pull his head out.

Children in the bath on social media is a massive no!!!!! I would message her and ask her to take it down, and then gently ask her not to share the videos/pictures you send as people you don't know can see them. I wouldn't go in all guns blazing as you've never actually raised the issue with her before, but if she continues after you have asked her not too I would be firmer.

Message MIL and ask her to take down the video and say please don't put any photos or videos of DD on social media

If it's not down within few hours, then report photo to Fb that you are this child's parents and it has been posted without your consent and is inappropriate for social media

Stop sending MIL videos and photos of she doesn't respect your views about not posting on sm

To be fair, if you haven't made it clear to her that you don't want her to post stuff on Facebook she doesn't know. If you have previously had a conversation about this and she knows your views then she is being very unreasonable and I would agree with not sending her any more videos or photos unless she agrees to stop posting, and actually proves to do so.
If you haven't discussed this, you can't expect her to know or respect your views. Also I would think it is extremely likely that she doesn't realise that tagging people means the posts appear on their feed for their friends to see as well. Equally she may have no idea about setting privacy settings on her own feed. If you have a conversation and she refuses to respect your views on this that is a different matter.

Tell her to take the video down
Tell her to never post anything online
And if she refuses to listen,report the post
Also:dont send her any more videos. Or make sure to always cover your kid's face with a digital ticker etc
She sounds naive. O

And if youve never discussed this before today;do it now. Make it VERY clear what you want.

Sounds unanimous here, perfectly reasonable to ask her to stop. She's clearly a proud grandma and someone who shares a lot on fb anyway but it's totally fine to ask her to stop when it comes to your pics/videos.

"Just a little request, could we ask that you don't post photos or videos of on Facebook? We love sharing them with you and the family but it's just a personal preference of ours not to post them more publicly. Thanks so much for understanding x"

I sympathise OP. SM wasn't around when my dcs were little, but I would not have wanted their images published on a public forum. Although my DC and their DP post pictures of my dgc on Facebook, I still ask if I want to share the pictures. I think the issue you have is that your do seems OK with his mother doing this and I suspect that if she asked him, he would agree it was OK for her to do it. And given that you are equal parents, I don't see a solution if he doesn't see a problem with it.

I would explain to her how when she does this, paedophiles can easily access such photos through her friends' timeline (assuming hers is private). She probably is clueless and would hopefully be horrified enough to stop doing it.

One of my sisters used to do this, anything I sent her would end up on her and her DH’s social media. They have literally hundreds of people they would send the pictures to, from university days, career friends, extended family, friends. People I’ve never met. She thought I was overreacting when I said please stop. She did it again. I simply stopped sending her photos and reduced contact. My children, my choice.