To find the age gap between 1 and 5 year old really hard?

[Wednesdayafternoon]

I suppose I'm posting here more for traffic as I know it's not unreasonable, but just needing some likeminded chat/reassurance!

Eldest is 5, youngest is 1 almost 2. Terrible 2 already in full swing 🙈 Both my DS are absolute darlings and I wouldn't change anything about them. Both sweet, boisterous, confident and lovely. But Jesus Christ I'm finding it hard atm. I'm a single mum. Dad is in the picture but on a very much Disney dad basis..... But rather not get into that! Just finding parks, soft play, even play at home hard because they both have SUCH different needs! Eldest loves imaginative play and playing with figures, he would play all day everyday and never get bored but he won't play on his own. Youngest isn't talking yet and is absolutely mastering the art of tantrums 🙈 He's absolute heaven and I love everything about him but he's needed a lot of attention atm... as most 2 year olds do but probably not getting enough as my eldest is quite demanding two.
Urgh does it get easier, absolutely burnt out today! 🙈

My age gap is smaller but I totally agree with you. My youngest is just 2, and wants to get involved with everything the older one does - but isn’t able to do so yet. So if my older daughter is doing a jigsaw, younger one will come and start breaking it up. Older one is colouring, younger one will want to colour (or scribble on) the page. I am hoping it’ll get easier when our younger ones are old enough to have more of an understanding of activities and how to join in.

I've got the same age gap. I found that the practical stuff made things easier - older child was potty trained, could feed himself, had started in reception, able to communicate etc. But completely agree on the differing social needs - smaller child would break toys, follow brother in soft play and get into difficulty, all sorts that make the bits that are supposed to make your life a bit easier harder.

it needs so much input it is draining (single parent with disney dad too). What I found really helped was developing friendship groups with each of their peers and their parents - always being happy to host at home - appreciate this may not be practical for you. I got friends round for eldest on almost a daily basis so he had an outlet for his needs - plus, his friends were not as dismissive of little bro as he was so would include him (a bit) and older boy learnt to accommodate (a bit)

it is tough, but I found that if the older boy was engaged I got more quality time with the younger and vice versa.

finally, do things that suit you. If soft play is too difficult, don't go. We had a great local park with stuff for little ones and older children - we could all enjoy that.

not quite finally - I made friends with a woman who would not be my natural choice of person but our children were the same ages and we bonded and shared experiences and I have to admit that my first impression was wrong - we had so much in common and it taught me a lesson.

Ahh thank you both, really appreciate the replies 🥰
I think where I struggle the most is that I don't really have any "mum" friends... and those mum friends I have have one daughter and they probably wouldn't appreciate a play date with my two spirited boys as much as I would 🙈 I think my own personal feelings of being a bit isolated make it worse!
I also find myself comparing mysef to Disney dad and it's just so unfair for me to do that to myself but I just do 😬

I have a 4 year age gap and it was hard to begin with but the last few months (dd2 was 2 in February) they have been finding ways to play together which makes a big difference!

I feel your pain. My two are almost identical ages (DC1 recently turned 5, DC2 is 20 months old) and it's really hard work, even with DH to share the load. I enjoy work as it feels like a break even though my job is stressful! School/nursery run plus work is knackering though.

No answers but you're not alone. I think (hope!) it will get easier - everyone says it does - so hang on in there

Give it another 6-8 months. My eldest found my youngest a massive irritant until she was about 21/2. She’s now 3 and a proper playmate and life is much easier. I think will often gloss over the difference in needs during the early stages. Their needs are still different but once they can properly play tougher it makes such a difference.

btw - the parent I eventually bonded with had two daughters to my two boys, try to avoid gendering your children's play styles at a young age - kids just play

4 year age gap here and I promise you are so close to it getting better, forever. Hang in there, they will be best pals within the year.

Yep I had a three year age gap and the 1 and 4 the 2 and 5 big was baaadddd. I honestly felt like I’d been to war. A newborn and a three year old was quite easy in comparison!

What’s the age gap between them - is it closer to 3 years or 4?

Either way I don’t think you’re alone - I think this stage is hard with most age gaps because children develop so much between 0 and 5. So the gap between a 2 year old and a 5 year old is bigger than the gap between a 6 year old and a 9 year old.