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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being asked what are you wearing to an event?

34 replies

Polly345 · 05/05/2022 18:26

I'm meeting a friend to go to a charity event on Sunday.
She loves to dress up and I was already guessing she would want to
I'm not a dressing up sort of person and I've just received the expected ,`what are you wearing?' message.
If we were in our twenties or even thirties I would understand but I feel like I'm being put on the spot.
I was planning on wearing a smart top and trousers and ankle boots with a small heel. I have been suffering from sore and swollen feet so wearing other shoes isn't an option.
Im not looking forward to the day at all.

OP posts:
CrystalCoco · 05/05/2022 20:54

I do find this question pretty irritating too. I had a friend who did this ALL the time, even if we were just going 'nowhere special' for drinks - and she'd be asking DAYS in advance! I haven't even decided what I'm wearing for work today but you want to talk about my wardrobe 3 days in advance!?

When we went on a trip away together I dreaded the morning question 'what are you wearing'? It just feels really unnecessary - just pick your clothes yourself you don't need to know what I'm wearing!

One night out she'd asked, I told, but then changed my mind and turned up wearing something totally different - cue: not a happy bunny lol

After years of this dumb ass question I started consistently replying with 'I haven't decided yet'

It didn't stop her still asking but at least I didn't feel like I had to oblige her nonsense

Original poster
Polly345 · 05/05/2022 23:53

Thanks for your replies. It just seemed unnecessary to me because we have completely different tastes in clothes so very unlikely to dress alike.
I think she will be looking forward to dressing up but I've decided that's her choice and I shouldn't feel bad that I don't feel it appropriate to be going full out dress up for an afternoon event.
And I admit it, I do feel unreasonable for feeling uncomfortable at being told that I will have a good time.
After such a long time of not going out it does feel strange so that's why I would rather wear something I felt comfortable in.

OP posts:
PlasticineMeg · 05/05/2022 23:55

I was planning on wearing a smart top and trousers and ankle boots with a small heel

What’s wrong with just saying this to her?

I also seriously object to only women in their 20’s and 30’s being able to dress up. Do women have to stop trying to dress nicely because they commit the atrocity of turning 40 and are therefore irrelevant? I don’t get it.

Krabapple · 06/05/2022 00:11

I will ask this. I don’t need an exact run down just an idea so I can gauge my outfit - ie probably jeans & a nice top or I’m wearing a new dress etc. I don’t see a problem.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 06/05/2022 00:17

Polly345 · 05/05/2022 23:53

Thanks for your replies. It just seemed unnecessary to me because we have completely different tastes in clothes so very unlikely to dress alike.
I think she will be looking forward to dressing up but I've decided that's her choice and I shouldn't feel bad that I don't feel it appropriate to be going full out dress up for an afternoon event.
And I admit it, I do feel unreasonable for feeling uncomfortable at being told that I will have a good time.
After such a long time of not going out it does feel strange so that's why I would rather wear something I felt comfortable in.

Or maybe she’s excited to go and spend some time with you and this question was an opening to talk about the event and plans and other things. Good grief OP, you are sounding like a curmudgeon here, fair enough if you don’t want to go but if you are going do try to at least fake it for your friend…otherwise back out and let her find someone who will enjoy themselves.

maddy68 · 06/05/2022 00:20

Some people worry that they will be over / under dressed.
An indication is reassuring to them. Why not say what you are thinking? Honestly I don't understand the issue

Whetheryouthinkyoucan · 06/05/2022 00:22

You sound a bit of a grump in this. Go, or don’t go. But don’t go and be the spectre at the feast.

Selttan · 06/05/2022 02:23

gothereagain · 05/05/2022 20:15

My friends and I ask this of each other all the time. It's basically to guage whether it's posh meal dressy, night on the dance floor dressy or a few beers on a Saturday night dressy! I'd hate to be over/ under dressed and so would they.

Same. Im not asking to judge what my friends are wearing, im asking to make sure I have the right dress code.

SomersetONeil · 06/05/2022 02:37

Fair play to you to have some self-awareness to actually ask the question.

But - yeah - YABU. This is a perfectly normal, acceptable question, that your friend will have no idea that it’s offending you so much that you’ve been motivated to start a thread about it. And don’t say you’re not offended, yada, yada. You absolutely are.

Just answer the question - you haven’t decided yet.

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