DD15 housework

[HeArInGhandsgirl11]

My DD15 has told me that I expect too much from her.
My expectations are:

Her responsibility to keep her room tidy(polish, Hoover ect)

Around 2-3 times a week I ask her to empty ( not fill) the dishwasher

1-2 a week I ask her to Hoover the house ( I only ever ask her to do this when I am working a 15 hour shift, meaning I'm out all day until the evening)

Am I a mum from hell, or is she being lazy.

She thinks I'm awful for expecting her to do so much 🙄

That's not a lot at all. My DS had to empty the dishwasher and wash up daily plus maybe another one or two chores as needed. They need to contribute to keeping the house they live in clean and tidy. He also cooked a meal once a week by about that age. These are important life skills to learn and you are not their skivvy.

We were obviously flexible about this (ie if he had limited time, or was struggling with something at the time) and he didn't do anything at all during exam and revision periods.

My DS also has ADHD and ASC. So an NT child should be more than capable.

That's absolutely nothing, at 15 she should be doing stuff around the house daily

It sounds fine to me. It does not sound unduly taxing for her. You might wish to help her out a little at times of exams but otherwise totally normal, and in line with what my dds do (similar age)

My dds also in charge of pets, and cook once or twice a week.

All very quick and easy jobs to do. Sounds very reasonable.

By 15 my DS was fully responsible for loading/unloading dishwasher. Cleaning own room and family bathroom (which was all his as we used ensuite). Pretty fair I think as I did all cooking washing and other cleaning

My 9&10yos have similar expectations... own rooms regularly, dishwasher and hoovering as asked. They also pop to the shop for bread/milk, help with laundry and have to help clear up craft and baking mess.

General rule is... we all live in the house, we a help maintain it.

Thank you for the response, I didn't think I was being unreasonable and even thought she could do a little more. Might add a few chores to her list!

Is it just you and her? If not does everyone else pitch in?

I have DD8 and DS5 both have to tidy their room and clean up after themselves. No extra chores yet although DD8 might enjoy a few jobs she's very hands on.

Sounds fine to me. I used to do all that plus walk the dog and do most of the ironing when I was at home and dm worked long hours.

She sounds very lazy. My single mum dm worked ft and by that age we were able to make dinner. I would have a few firm words about her laziness.

Yes my thinking exactly, I need to start showing her how to make family dinners not just food for herself

she's being lazy. At that age she should also be doing her own laundry, clearing table/loading dishwasher sometimes, and helping prepare meals.

Hmmmm, I’m not so sure about the hoovering the whole house twice a week, tbh.

OTOH, I like a “we all live here, pitch in” approach. But, she’s a child. Why does the whole house even need hoovering on your two long shift days?

I do think that the majority of housework and feeding should fall to the parents who choose to have children.

At the same time, I want to raise mine not to be selfish!

I just feel there’s a difference between expecting, if a flat out day, to randomly ask an older child to stick some dinner on for the younger kids vs regularly expecting them to hoover the whole house.

@Testina She's not a baby though, she's 15 years old, hoovering my house (and I take that to mean the living spaces not other peoples bedrooms) takes 20-30minutes, it's not exactly taxing stuff.

So the main areas for hoovering, not bedrooms.we have a bird who is very messy so I have to Hoover that room every day.
This is her reasoning, she doesn't see the lint of hoovering when I have already hoovered the day before .

My 14.5 yo DD:

• Cooks for the family once a week, sometimes twice (usually roast meat or chicken with simple cooked vegetables and/or a basic salad - she started cooking once a week at 11 years old);

• After dinner, clears and wipes, table, refills water jugs, puts napkins away, wipes benches and stovetop and generally tidies twice a week;

• Washes dishes and stacks dishwasher after dinner twice a week;

• Unloads dishwasher once or twice a week;

• Hangs out a load of laundry and folds dry laundry once or twice a week;

• Babysits her little sister for an hour once or twice a week;

• Walks 3km to the shops and back once a month or so to pick up a few items for me (I pay ofc);

• Keeps room tidy (mostly, I pick my battles as it's her room but it's tidy to my standards about half the time which is usually good enough for me); and

• Does other tasks for pocket money (the above are what we call 'family contribution' and are unpaid but she does gardening, babysitting and other cleaning for money).

We have a weekly cleaner - if we didn't she'd be doing more.

So I think your DD could do more, and certainly shouldn't whine about what she's currently asked to do.

Having written that all down, it looks like she does a lot. And i guess she does. But our goal is to make ourselves redundant by the time she's 16 - meaning that we want her to be able to survive without us if necessary.

So this is part of a broader approach of making sure she she can look after herself - ie has good self-care, can save and budget, can use public transport confidently, can hold down a part time job, and can manage her time reasonably well.

My DD is 9 and feeds the cat, has to keep her room tidy although standards of this are debatable , change her bed. I pay her pocket money for these jobs though. She has hoovered and wiped inside the car today for some scrunchies I bought her. It's good for them. I didn't really do any chores as a kid and had a shock when I moved out

Large sheet of paper, line down the middle. In one column, the things you ask her to do. In the other, all the main things you do for her.

Tell her she can knock one job off her list, and then choose which of your jobs is also going to be knocked off to keep it even. Repeat if necessary until all her jobs are gone. Stick to your revised list, don't wobble.

I personally think u are not being fair to all the kids. The 15yo shouldnt be expected to hoover the house twice the week while ur other kids do nothing. My 6 year old has had the chore of wiping the table after meals for 2 years now. Why is the 8yo not doing anything to help?

I think it depends. Was the 15yo expected to do any chores when she was 8? Or is this recent? And presumably the now 8yo will be expected to chip in when she's 15?

So she’s hoovering the house once/twice a week and emptying the dishwasher? It hardly sounds like she’s slaving away to be honest. Keeping her own room tidy isn’t a chore, my children have been responsible for this since preschool age (obviously with me vacuuming/deep cleaning until they were able to do so).

I could see why she’d be complaining if she was doing lots of work and other teen/adult family members were doing nothing. Who minds the smaller children on your long shift? Does her dad pitch in and set a good example of how everyone in the house is responsible for its upkeep?

YANBU. It is now we all learn how to look after and clean a house. If you wait until you leave home and go from nothing to everything it is a nightmare. Far better to increase in amounts over time and learn. I always covered their household jobs when they were in exam periods like GCSEs and then asked for a bit extra when they finished and had the whole free summer.