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Original poster

How true is this? Exodus 20:12

27 replies

NovelFarmer · 05/05/2022 11:35

There is a verse in the Bible;
“Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you”

Even if you’re not of Christian faith, I think most people do try to honour their parents.

But I find it the hardest commandment to keep and today I completely broke it and probably wiped at least 20 years from my life for dishonouring one parent so badly (they deserved it).

Just a vent really at myself. And wondering how everyone else honours their parents when they really don’t want to.

OP posts:
Original poster
NovelFarmer · 05/05/2022 11:38

Sorry probably should have posted this in philosophy / religion.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 05/05/2022 11:42

I don't think that most people hold Christian views to that extent. It's much more healthy to speak out against people who treat us badly, even if they are blood relatives. Children deserve to be loved, cared for and nurtured, if their parents don't do that then they aren't worth honouring. You are entitled to build your own life and speak out.

mbosnz · 05/05/2022 11:43

Do you think they have done unto you as they would wish themselves to be done by?

Pemba · 05/05/2022 11:44

It depends what you mean by 'honouring' really! What did you do?

But if a parent has been abusive, say, then I don't think you owe them any respect.

Nowadays people don't think you should defer to someone just because they're older or because they're your parent. But if they have been a loving parent to you, even if they have their faults then I think you should keep in frequent touch and give them help as they age.

Crankley · 05/05/2022 11:44

I'm an atheist so quotes from the bible are meaningless to me. You don't have to be religious to have morals and principles to live by and I don't believe that your life will be shorter as a result of what you said to your parent.

You say they deserved it so stop being so hard on yourself.

Good luck.

BlueKaftan · 05/05/2022 11:44

Or it could be interpreted that the Earth is your mother and father, and that’s why it mentions the land the lord has given you.

Pemba · 05/05/2022 11:45

What do you mean you've wiped 20 years from your life??

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 05/05/2022 11:49

Not everyone deserves to be honoured.

Ifailed · 05/05/2022 11:51

There are verses in the bible that you could use to justify genocide, murder, rape, enslavement etc. Clearly they are best ignored, along with most of the other content.

RoseslnTheHospital · 05/05/2022 12:00

Do you really think that the passage means that you must defer to your parents and do what they want in all circumstances, even if they are appalling people who treat others abusively?

You could also argue that responding in a way that maintains your boundaries and demonstrates healthy behaviour is honouring them.

Chica10 · 05/05/2022 12:05

Of course, if your parents are nice and good people you are always going to honour, respect and love them for that. But if they are horrible and mean then you shouldn’t honour them as they don’t deserve the respect.

I’ve seen, and have been on the receiving end of, some damn right awful parental behaviour towards their children- through out the children’s entire lives, well into adult hood. But these same parents were/are demanding that they be honoured and respected no matter how abusive because the bible or one of the other books of historical fiction say so. Time to step out of the dark ages.

Palmfrond · 05/05/2022 12:07

Just avoid taking the piss out of bald men and you should be fine;

Kings 2:
2:23 “And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

2:24 “And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.”

Original poster
NovelFarmer · 05/05/2022 12:37

What I did is more in line with Genesis 9:20 where Ham dishonours Noah, but probably more serious.

I never hear anyone else IRL bad mouthing their parents and just wonder how everyone else manages this so easily? Even just to not be annoyed by them seems like a stretch for me.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 05/05/2022 12:45

The honor your parents verse is followed by a verse that says "Parents provoke not your children to wrath". So just figure that you'll honor them if they stop provoking you.

AcrossthePond55 · 05/05/2022 12:51

Oops. Actually the verse I quoted is in Ephesians after Paul quotes the 5th commandment.

mbosnz · 05/05/2022 13:06

Honey, MN was made for badmouthing your parents. I do it here, so I won't do it there.

But if you get pushed beyond the point, then yes, you're going to go off on one. As I recall, Jesus had a few hard questions for Dad prior to the betrayal and the crucifix.

jimmyhill · 05/05/2022 13:23

"Be excellent to each other" The Gospel of William and Edward (19:89)

housemaus · 05/05/2022 13:35

If your parent deserves whatever you said or did, then why is that bad?

I can't see why you should live to honour someone who doesn't deserve it.

If you're religious I can see why it'd be hard to reconcile this with the seeming message of the Bible passage you're quoting, but 'honouring your parents' as I see it refers to honouring them in recognition of their (good/decent) parenting, or honouring the role they've played in your life - with the assumption that this has been positive.

But it definitely doesn't mean, honour - or never criticise - them regardless of anything else they do just because they happen to be your parent. It doesn't mean, honour someone you're biologically related to even if they are a terrible person. They're just people - being a parent might get them a certain amount of leeway, but if they do something wrong, parenthood is not a shield from any consequences. And the Bible is keen on consequences for your actions (1 John 5:16 says some sins lead to death!) - so that's not out of keeping with biblical teaching, either.

trockodile · 05/05/2022 13:46

Luke 14:26 (Jesus)

26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.

There are lots of verses in the Bible which can be used to justify anything pretty much! IMO it’s probably best not to use it as your moral compass.

Vallmo47 · 05/05/2022 13:50

Oh OP there are many, many questionable things in bible. Christian or atheist, most of us are doing the best we can to be the best people we can be. Certain things parents (adults) do is inexcusable and I’m sure your God will understand this. Take care and be kind to yourself.

givethatbabyaname · 05/05/2022 13:55

If you choose to follow a religious text - any religious text - completely, rather than using critical thinking and your own judgement, you’re indoctrinated. In that, the point is to follow the text, not to extract from it the values and morals that you want and need for the life that you have.

The Bible has a lot of good in it, I’m sure. But honestly, it’s not a how-to-live-in-21st-century-Britain (or anywhere else) guidebook. Do what you have to do. If you can’t square the circle, drop one. There’s nothing to reconcile. You are putting yourself in a conundrum, not the world or people or the Bible. You’re tying yourself up in knots needlessly.

codeVeronica · 05/05/2022 13:59

A bit later it says if a man seduces a virgin he has to marry her, with her presumably not getting a choice in the matter. Exodus 21 talks about buying people. So I wouldn't take it too seriously.

Drinkingallthewine · 05/05/2022 14:02

Ex Roman Catholic here - so the honour thy father and mother is a fundamental rule to our upbringing.

I honour my mother by helping her with various things in her life - online admin, dealing with paperwork, that sort of thing. I remember Christmas gifts, her birthday and Mothers' day. I take her to lunch or dinner and try to schedule staying with her for a night at least once a month. During lockdown I delivered all her groceries and always snuck in her favourite treat into the bag. I've paid for some things she needed and since I can afford it, refused to take her money for them.

However, that does work both ways. DM also has to respect the fact I've a full time job, live 1.5 hours away and have my own stuff going on so I'm not available at the drop of a hat. When she first started to lean on me for things, she kind of took the piss a bit, volunteering my time/expense to her friends and I had to nip it in the bud - and it's hard to be assertive when it's drummed into you from toddlerhood, but it feels great if you nicely and calmly stand your ground that you have XYZ to do but after that, you'd be happy to help, or decline to do something you've been volunteered for.

VintageGibbon · 05/05/2022 14:09

After working out as an adult that my parents were self-absorbed and away with the fairies, I managed to stick to this by doing my duty towards them. Looking in once a week (round trip of three hours) but not three times a week that they assumed I should. Making sure they had good carers, joining them for some but not all hospital appointments, and when the time came busting a gut to ensure they had the best care home available and the best send off ever at the funeral. I don't want to ever feel guilty about neglecting them. But I long ago decided not to feel guilty for not neglecting myself either.

Hortensiateapot · 05/05/2022 14:13

RoseslnTheHospital · 05/05/2022 12:00

Do you really think that the passage means that you must defer to your parents and do what they want in all circumstances, even if they are appalling people who treat others abusively?

You could also argue that responding in a way that maintains your boundaries and demonstrates healthy behaviour is honouring them.

Agree with this. I would go further to say that forgiving your parents and wishing them no harm/vengeance even if they have hurt you, would be an act of honouring them. Even if you had limited further contact with them. Only you know the situation with your family and whether you can forgive their faults and failures, but anger and bitterness is not good for you either. In biblical times the family unit was the basis of support for the young, unmarried and the elderly, so not honouring parents could mean destitution for them. It was important for functioning of society in a way we don’t experience so much with pensions, nursing homes and the like.

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