Can't stand friends child

[MangoJuice008]

This is an awkward one. I feel awful for even posting this.

I really like my friend however I find one her DC extremely difficult to bare.
They are only 3 - but when she brings them round. They constantly scream the whole time they are here - high pitch scream when they can't get what they want. It's that bad that I have a migraine after they leave.
They've broken things in my home, even when I've put them up high to toddler proof my home. They run around and open my fridge and help themselves to food mainly yogurt and spread yogurt into things.
Terrorise my animals and just generally run around screaming.

Now I'm not a monster which I'm sure some of you are thinking - I have DC one whom has SEN so I know not all behaviour can be helped.

But friend just simply makes excuses or laughs and says "yes we usually give in to stop them screaming." And has even told me other people have banned them coming to their home for similar reasons!
Is there any way I can ask friend not to bring them on future play dates? My DC are friends with their siblings so it makes it very difficult.
I'm just sick of my house being destroyed and having to go lie down in bed after they leave with a couple of codeine!
Or maybe it's just me now my DC are growing up I've forgotten what toddlers are like.
Would I be unreasonable in banning them?

Now is a good time to nip this in the bed, by ensuring all play dates are in a park.

Shes doesn’t care that your home is getting trashed or your animals terrorised so why are you afraid or hurting the feelings of someone who conveniently only wants to come yours and isn’t afraid of upsetting you?

Make any excuse you like but don’t invite them to yours again. It’s your house, you don’t have to put up with that! Meet out instead.

Meet them in the park or soft play or pool

Take them on a walk and picnic together, sounds like they have lots of energy to burn

Have you posted about this friend before @MangoJuice008 ? It's just that your query sounds awfully familiar to me. Apologies if this is your first time posting about her but it does have a very familiar ring to the post.

I don’t understand what the issue is.

She doesn’t invite you over to hers. So why do you invite her to your place?

Your friend’s slack parenting is at fault. Don’t have them in the house, meet elsewhere. And I would tell her why: the screaming and bad behaviour are too much, and upsetting for you and your kids, and she doesn’t address it.

I don’t understand how and and why you haven’t acted on this!
I get that you can’t just stop a toddler from screaming and that there’s a fine line between almost too loud and actually too loud. And the added complication of potential SEN.
But just helping himself to yoghurt from your fridge? (Let alone the spreading it round)
I cannot understand why you let your friend let him do that. It’s a very specific action where you should have said: NO.

It sounds like it's much more the mum who is the problem. The kid is only young and needs to be taught and corrected. It's not really their fault they have poor behaviour if the parent is just ignoring them!

We had this. In the end we joined the list of people that said no to them coming to their house. We did stay friends as adults for a while but the friendship never recovered.

I used to only see friends without their kids. I want to chat to them, not deal with their kids constantly.

Keep them out of your house. Letting them terrorise your animals is abject cruelty 😡

You need to be a friend and tell your friend how you feel. She knows her child(ren) is out of control but she's struggling. It will only get worse. She wants to visit you as respite, she gets out of house for a few hours. You need to say what you put in your post, and tell her visits have to change.

How does she manage to always come to yours each time, don't you say, 'it's your turn this time'

That’s terrible behaviour, not just “what toddlers are like”. The screaming and destruction are bad enough, but for me, terrorising my animals would be a dealbreaker. I’d never have them in my house again. I don’t understand why you feel you owe her your hospitality.