To think there’s no right time for things in life?

[chatterbug22]

I’m in my very early 20s and have started a fantastic job opportunity. I have a lot of responsibility in my role and the salary reflects this. Been with OH almost two years, he’s a couple years older and his job is very secure and equally well paid, he is at the beginning of his career and working up though. We are comfortable and doing really well considering our ages, it’s taken hard work to get here.

Instead of ‘having fun’ (whatever people mean when they say that to young adults: drinking, travelling?) we are seriously considering our rescuing our first pet and buying a house at the end of this year. We are currently renting.
We have spoken about our future and are both on the same page, and ideally want to finish having kids when I am not much older than 30. I am due to finish my degree in less than a year, which I do entirely online.

Is it boring that I want to stash away most my salary into my savings? Will I regret this when I am older? I do get serious FOMO and want to splurge it, sometimes I do indulge in this but I view savings as safeguarding myself for any unpleasant expenses in the future, ie if a car breaks down or even just to book a last minute holiday / add to a pot for when I need it for mat leave in a few years. Can’t imagine not having cash in the bank. I do live frugally and use every discount code I can, so we can enjoy more meals out. I don’t enjoy drinking more than occasionally and would rather meet friends for a coffee. We have a couple of short holidays abroad planned for this year.

I know there’s not one ‘right’ approach to life, but everyone seems a bit shocked and I get comments like ‘you’ll never be this young again’. I’ve been told I speak like I am double my age, which I don’t take to be a compliment! People have always joked that I’ve had a much older head on my shoulders.
I don’t want to grow old and have regrets - who does? I want to enjoy a rich variety of experiences but a bigger part of me also wants my parents to have loads of years with their grandkids and enjoy them as adults, as I only have one grandparent now.

I feel I am on the right track for me but it’s hard not to be swayed when I receive so much general negativity and get told that I am too young for things!

Good for you? Your post comes across a bit smug tbh. If I had to guess I'd have said you were early 30s not early 20s from what you've written. As someone who actually is early 30s, I'd say tread carefully. You're very young and it's pretty early days for your relationship. I ended a seven year relationship at 25 as it just wasn't right for me, so I always baulk when I hear people in their early 20s getting engaged or buying a house with someone - when I was 22 I thought he was The One too. IMO your 20s should be for becoming financially independent, making strong friendships, traveling, and enjoying relationships. What's the rush to commit? Also if you get a pet that's the end of last-minute holidays, it really is a big responsibility.

Thank you @MPharm appreciate the perspective.

I’m really not smug, it’s taken a lot of hard work to get here and I am in equal admiration of the people who go through 10 years of education to get their jobs or no education at all. If that’s what came across then I can only apologise as wasn’t the intention!

I'd say you're being sensible but I'd advise stashing most of your salary into savings if you're not leaving anything for enjoyment and recreation. Have a social life while you can and live your life.

I'm 55 and pretty glad I travelled the world at 28 because you will never be as free as you are in your 20s. I've still had a successful career and got a nice house. You can't do some things later in life. It's just so tiring!

I was a bit similar to you in my 20s. My then H was older than me. Great job, house, baby at 30. Everyone said I seemed older than my age.
I then, at 34, realised I was so unhappy with H, left to be a single parent, downsized my house, and am now seeing the world with my DD (now aged 9). I don't regret my DD at all, she is fabulous, but I do wish I'd done more in my 20's.

I'm not saying don't do it, but I do agree with the previous poster about enjoying life, travelling and making strong friendships.

Nope, I did something very similar (married with a house by 23, finished having kids by 30 etc). I’m 40 now, pt in a well paid job which I have been in for many years and having a great time mortgage free and travelling to exotic places with the DC being old enough to appreciate it. No regrets!

@chatterbug22 it wasn't your achievements that made you seem smug, it was the tone of your post/your attitude. As though drinking and travelling is beneath you. The last few years have been a massive wake-up call for me (bereavements, health scare, my fiancé being hospitalised) and I feel so nostalgic for my 20s, I was so carefree. I know not everyone is as lucky as that, but I'd encourage people to enjoy it while it lasts if that is the case. As PP said, you'll never be this free again. I think it's hard to fully appreciate that until it's the past.

But then, it worked for other PP. I guess all I'd say is have an escape route. If you buy a house see a solicitor to protect your individual investments. Personally I'd hold off on irreversible commitments (pets, kids) for a few years longer. As for money, I can't see how you'd regret putting it into savings, assuming they can be accessed at any time and you leave yourself enough disposable income to enjoy your life.

I mean if I had my time again I'd basically do all of the things you are doing now so that you can travel and enjoy life a bit later on. If you don't feel like you are missing out on anything then keep following the path you are on. I think you are being quite sensible really.

Yes I feel a bit sorry for you tbh. When kids come along that is it. For ever. You will never be truly free again. Mortgage ties you down too.

I have a great career and house and spouse and child. But I wouldn't have missed my 20s for anything. The freedom! It was glorious.

One thing that is sometimes overlooked is that I was relatively happy with my lot backpacking in hostels and guesthouses and going out to cheap bars/food places when I was in my twenties so it was feasible to travel for months on end and have adventure and go out loads. If I did it the other way round, in my 50s, I would probably want a minimum 4 star hotel with a nice restaurant every evening it would cost massively more and still probably not be as fun.

@whyohehy that's easy to say with hindsight but not everyone gets a 'later on'. Bit morbid but I've known of too many people who have passed away young. Also things like ill health, elderly parents needing care, maybe having children with disabilities or other additional needs... All unforeseen circumstances you probably don't consider at 20 that could prevent you travelling and enjoying life later on. It can't be taken for granted that the option will be there.

@MPharm so true!

Had my first baby at 24, got married at 24....no regrets. Look at the story of Lucy Lintott and having MND, she has got two children and she's not even 30. She has to seize the moment as she doesn't know how long she has left. We should all live by this sentiment.

Do what makes you happy OP.

Cant you do both? Have some fun and still save some money just jot every penny.

I bought a house with my now dh at 22, didn't have a lot of money after bills etc but enough for a holiday each year and some savings. As I started progressing in my career I saved more and we started going on some amazing holidays. We did new york, vegas, Mexico, Dubai & Florida as well as the usual European beach holidays. They are some of my best memories from my 20's.

If you plan to have a family fairly young go have some fun first, you will probably regret it if you don't.