Ignoring crazy sibling

[Inkyblue123]

I have a demanding full time job, a toddler , my partner works 6 days a week and my elderly parents are in poor health. My sibling has mental health issues- which family and friends seem to think is my problem. I’m overwhelmed as it is and I just cannot be arsed dealing with someone who is refusing any help. AIBU to ignore sibling? I’ve given up calling them because I find it so distressing. I’m at my wits end. Now sibling has sent out rambling paranoid emails to all and sundry, I am being inundated with massages from people asking me how I’m dealing with it. Am I being a total arsehole? I had therapy to deal with before Christmas but I really feel I need to cut them off to save my own sanity.

Their problem is not your problem. Your own mental health needs to take priority!

I’d issue a standard reply.

Dear All,

Thank you all for your kind offers to help! As you know I work full time, care for the children and support my elderly parents.

If any of you are free to help X that would be wonderful.

Love you all!

X

If I were being harshly realistic, I would say wait for the crisis and ask everyone else if they think your sibling should be sectioned.

Not your monkeys, not your circus. I don't know why people think it's your responsibility. It isn't.

YANBU. You are not responsible for your sibling. You ARE responsible for your toddler. If you have reached the point where you think your own psychological well-being is at stake, then you need to do what you can to protect it because if you are pushed to the point where it affects your functioning, then it could have an adverse effect on your child.

'I'm dealing with it by distancing myself so I have the mental and emotional resources for my job and my family. How are you dealing with it?'

Point out that if they have concerns they should act on them, not hand it over to someone else.

Thanks. I appreciate the responses. I’ll distance myself from it

It's not nice if relatives, neighbours, friends of the family think you are not pulling your weight and 'helping' 'poor' sibling.
But it's also not nice, and detrimental to your health, to take on everyone's problems especially if they won't help themselves so the problems wont' be solved. So accept the fact that other's will moan or criticise but just get on with your own life.

In our family taking a big step back from DB's never ending self caused 'problems' meant he actually shaped up and became more independent.

This is perfect!

Put your own oxygen mask on first.

If your sibling is that poorly, then that will be something that only professionals can deal with. Sounds like you have enough on your plate as it is.

Why is everyone assuming it’s your problem? Is this new or historic?

Keep your distance, she's not your problem, live your life. My father has the same situation with his sibling and isn't distancing himself. I've watched it destroy him emotionally over the past 10 years and it's only getting worse. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.