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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Family Holiday

14 replies

Holly524 · 04/05/2022 17:13

Hi, I posted a few months ago about going on a family holiday with my parents, brother, sil and nephews. My husband doesn't want to go and hasn't changed his mind on that. He has various football trips planned in with friends overthe course of the year so his excuse was he didn't have annual leave. Anyway since then we have booked the holiday without him and we are all looking forward to it. The last week or so my daughter (8) has been asking him why he won't come and actually got upset the other day, but he isn't budging and is refusing to come. Am I wrong to think he is being selfish and should come with us?
My daughter is actually looking forward to going just wishes her daddy would come
We have also just booked a weekend away with his family which I am going to.

OP posts:

Summerholidayorcovidagain · 04/05/2022 17:16

Sadly your dd is becoming of the age to realise her df is still a teenager in mind...

DinoRock · 04/05/2022 17:19

He's said he's not going he's not going. No use trying to change his mind or use his child to persuade him

MarvellousMay · 04/05/2022 17:19

Why is your daughter so upset? My children love spending time one on one with me or my DH. They don’t feel upset about it. We sometimes do holidays without the other parent because of work commitments or annual leave issues. Never been a problem.

Are you more upset about the amount of time he is spending away on his football trips?

Lochroy · 04/05/2022 17:19

On the face of it he's being an arse and prioritising friends over family. But if you are doing a separate holiday at another time without your parents and wider family as your 'main' one then it's fair enough he may not want to use his AL on this one.

Clymene · 04/05/2022 17:21

What does he tell your daughter when she asks why he isn't coming? Does he tell her he'd rather spend his free time with his mates than his kids?

BeanCounterBabe · 04/05/2022 17:23

I don’t see any problem with child/ren spending time with one parent and extended family from time to time, providing the parent is hands on the rest of the time. Would you enjoy a holiday with a reluctant DH?

Momicrone · 04/05/2022 17:23

He's being selfish. She will only be 8 once. Before he knows it she'll have flown the nest. His friends, one hopes, will always be there.

DinoRock · 04/05/2022 17:23

If your DH doesn't like your family its a bit off to try and force him to go on holiday with them

Lotsofhoopsandloops · 04/05/2022 17:27

He said he doesn’t want to go… I’d assume your dd is upset because you are upset and projecting onto her

He’s made it clear you and dd aren’t his priority what you choose to do with that is up to you,

Indicatrice · 04/05/2022 17:27

He is selfish. Make sure you get equal time away without kids, it sounds like he is barely there. What a prince.

Do you actually want to on this weekend break with his family or do you feel you have to so he gets to play the doting dad?

SummaLuvin · 04/05/2022 17:28

If it was any and all holidays for your family - as in you as a family unit of 3 - but he was happy to go away with friends that would be an issue for me. But if it's just this one, it's probably the fact it's 7 days with his in-laws and that isn't something he would enjoy, and I understand that.

Regardless, the time to raise it as an issue was months ago when agreements and arrangements were made, guilting him now for something you agreed to isn't fair considering the circumstances haven't changed.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/05/2022 17:35

You said in your previous posting you have 2 holidays booked as a family, just you DH and kids. This is an extra one he doesn't want to go on because he wants to do some things with his friends. That doesn't make him an arse or selfish he is happy for you to go

Original poster

Holly524 · 04/05/2022 18:05

The thing is he isn't really happy for us to go, our relationship hasn't really been the same since. The issue was that he doesn't want to go but doesn't want us to go either.
I have got past the fact I wanted him to go and it was just left as I want to go, you don't so me and the kids are having 5 days away with my family.
He hasn't really given her a good reason why he doesn't want to go which I think is why she is upset. I have had a talk with her and she is excited to go so hopefully that will be it now.

OP posts:

MarJau26 · 04/05/2022 18:14

Momicrone · 04/05/2022 17:23

He's being selfish. She will only be 8 once. Before he knows it she'll have flown the nest. His friends, one hopes, will always be there.

Well that's a silly take on things. She'll probably fly the nest at 18 the earliest, so should they never holiday apart 🙄. Maybe he doesn't really enjoy the whole big family holidays.Its not like you are going on your own. I'm sure your dd will be plenty occupied.

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