Is anyone out there struggling with teenagers?

[Needwine999]

Im literally on the edge of insanity, my teen daughter (who once was lovely ) literally cant even stand me breathing , talking, anything, whatever I say or do is wrong, doesn't like the food in the house , doesn't like my meals, will order Mcd's a lot (has a job too so has her own money).

Its just a hard hard slog and I am in tears some days but always sitting down now with a cold glass of wine as its my only pleasure by the time the evening comes.

Not sure if menopause starting as very much struggling,

Give me toddlers any day.

Anyone else? Parents of pain in the arse teens unite!

Hey, op.

Yes I have a delightful dd16 who doesn't want me near her. My first advice is to try not to take it personally. It's a long slog but it's not forever. The only way to get through is to ignore the small stuff and save confrontation for the big situations. You might find it helpful to head over to The Parents of Teenagers board where you'll find loads of helpful posts.

Hi OP I have two teen DSs who can be a bit like this at times. I guess it's best to try and not take it personally, maybe a way of them detatching / becoming independant?

I would try and do somethign nice for yourself and try to let her be...make her own decisions etc, maybe if she's buying food for yourself make yourself just what you would like!

That sort of thing. On the teens board is a nice post about parents of teens looking to reclaim parts of their lives you might like.

I currently have 4 teenagers.

Apparently at 50 I am old and know nothing.. The concept of a care home is becoming appealing.
Only 1 to go - he is 7...

Yes DD14 is causing DP to move out and will probably split us up eventually.

Yes, 2 of them trying to outdo each other in rudeness and vile behaviour. Zero conversation, or "you're old and wouldn't understand".

No redeeming features either of them, at the present time. As a pp said they are detaching and preparing to fly the nest I cannot fucking wait, observance of govt alcohol guidelines can wait a couple more years

I stopped doing any washing except school uniforms.. Stopped lifts unless previously good attitude.

Evening meal is what the adults are having or make their own.
Any token money for sweets is payable post dishes and rubbish removed from the bedroom.. No larger amounts are given unless complete bedroom overhaul.
Extreme bad attitude results in WiFi password changing until improvements are made...

@Summerholidayorcovidagain were heading that way. She has one chore, wash pots, she argues the toss over that and in the next breath smiles and asks for a lift. I'm being pleasant but not starting conversations. I'm also 50 and have no idea.......I did four years at uni and two summer seasons at Butlins. She's the one with no idea!😁

It is a miracle that any teenagers make it to adulthood! They are all (at times) utterly horrendous.

The only thing I can say is that even then there were moments when they were lovely and reminded you that you loved them, and they do (eventually . . . . ) grow out of it.

Thanks and i am definately NOT following the government alcohol guidelines right now, I am trying not to take it personally and keep reminding myself its her age, it will pass but sometimes it bloody hurts so bad !!

Absolutely could of wrote this! I’m absolutely worn out from my 2, also thought is it the menopause…I’m shattered and eating so much
. It’s a real horrible cycle I can feel they are getting older, I don’t want to see them grow up but at the same time I’m so frustrated with their attitudes , and all the big kid drama and worry …they tell you toddlers are hard work but I’d swap in a heart beat
no advise but hang in there and look for the good , hug them when possible and walk away when needed x

Anyone else struggling more in the holidays? I have two home now, thought the eldest may do his summer job from last year but it seems not.

Same here. My 13 year old son thinks he’s man of the house and thinks he’s 18! Only communicates when he wants something, snuck out of the house 2 nights ago just after midnight for a 20 min walk to McDonald’s, only knew because I heard the garden gate blowing and went downstairs to close it and the bike had been moved! Cue pjs on driving around looking for him grrr

Dd1 was always a really easy teen. Now 21. Still lovely.

Dd2 is 17 also lovely. BUT by God she put us (dh in particular) through the mill for about 5 years of surly behaviour, nasty attitude and rudeness. Police and camhs involved when she ran away from home one evening. She seemed to then change when she turned 17 because she basically grew up a lot. Left school and went to 6th form college. Got a part time job. And now is a much nicer person in general...although she can still sneer spectacularly at her dad or sister if they upset her in some tiny way.

Think not being able to get a part time job doesn't help. I worked at 15.
My nearly 17 is almost human again but out alot working. The other two younger teens I count the days.

Yep! My 18yr old DS was a breeze, however this last month has been awful. He has ASD, so I think I'm now getting the teen strops as he's emotionally behind his age. Hard work!

It can be very testing to say the least. l try not to absorb their moods, just carry on doing whatever, the moods etc are temporary and pass. Keeping calm is key. My garden has been my saviour.
My two are older now and things are easier, as a woman raising two male teenagers alone you need nerves of steel and water tight boundaries.

I teach teenagers. The key is to treat them with respect, treat them like the adults they are trying to be and give them choices. You can’t tell a 17 yo “you must do this or I will take your phone” bc they will just hate you for it. They are trying to navigate adult life, it’s like swimming in the deep end and they push themselves away from their parents deliberately, in order to establish boundaries. It’s natural so don’t take it personally.

What grinds my gears is that this is the TL:DR (too long:didn’t read) generation. I have to simplify everything to words of one syllable (as well as giving them longer texts to read) because too many words scare them.

l try not to absorb their moods, just carry on doing whatever, the moods etc are temporary and pass. Keeping calm is key.*

This in spades. And bucketloads of empathy. So 'it's not fair' gets a calm reply of 'I know, it really isn't is it' or 'why do I always have to do [whatever]' can be countered with 'well you don't really have to, but if you don't it won't get done at all', all whilst just calmly carrying on with what you were doing. They always know better of course and you just have to acknowledge that. If they don't like my imparted advice or information I just say ok. When they discover for themselves that I was right after all I simply shrug my shoulders at them, although sometimes I can't help saying 'well, I did tell you'.

Try not to get drawn into arguments or mood swings it's just not worth it. If I asked mine to do something and they didn't do it I didn't comment I just did it myself (like empty the dishwasher) the next time they asked me for something (money, food, lifts) I just said no. It only took a few times for them to cotton on.

I cook daily, I tell them what I am cooking and ask if they would like some, if they don't they cook or order their own. I don't go in their rooms, moan about mess, do their laundry.

And rules are kept to a minimum. No mess left in communal spaces and they must let me know if they aren't coming home after a night out.

Remember you cannot change how other people behave, even if that's your own child. You can only change how you respond to that behaviour. It's not personal and (thankfully) it's not forever so decide on your strategy for keeping yourself calm and stick to it.

I have two, a 16 year old girl who is absolutely lovely, polite and respectful. My 15 year old son, is a know it all and it drives me mad but on the whole, he’s a good kid.

im a bit of an ogre when pissed off so they never push things too far.😂