About gymnastics training hours for 6 year old

[Helpel]

This is quite specific and not strictly AIBU so sorry posting a bit for traffic...
My DD is in year 2 but is not 7 until the summer. She is part of a gymnastics development squad and currently trains twice a week for a total of 5.5 hours. I've just had an email from the coach to say from June this is increasing to 3 times a week for a total of 9 hours. Twice a week the sessions finish at 8.30pm which would mean a 9.30pm bedtime before we are home and settled.
AIBU to think this is too much for a 6 year old? I am tempted to ask if we can stick with the current pattern until she starts yr 3 in September but don't want it to affect my daughter's chances at competing if that's what she eventually wants to do. They start competing in May next year - I am thinking it wouldn't affect her that much to delay increased training by a few months...
My DD enjoys gymnastics and loves being good at it, but sometimes she grumbles about going to the training sessions as it is. Do we just give it a go and see if her passion increases? I think the logistical and late night issue would be easier to swallow if she became absolutely dedicated to it!
Has anyone been in this position? It would be great to hear from other parents of development squad gymnasts!

Ah okay, thanks. When DD first started we also looked at an artistic club locally but I heard that the windows were all covered over and parents weren't allowed to watch, which I wasn't comfortable with as DD was only 6, hence how we ended up in an acro club. I thought it was just that club, I didn't realise it was systemic in artistic gymnastics.

I'm in my 40s now but my coach was imprisoned for taking inappropriate photos of girls at the school where he was a teacher and had an inappropriately close relationship with my friend who was around 8/9/10. The other coaches weren't paedophiles AFAIK but they were all sadistic. Gymnastics has a huge problem and I wouldn't send a child of mine to it.

I've grown up with a skewed sense of what is acceptable treatment of my own body. I was repeatedly told that there is no such thing as tiredness and made to train beyond my physical limits.

Please think carefully.

A lot more negativity since I last looked! I have zero interest in pushing my daughter for the sake of medals, winning or a future career. I just want to make the best choice for her as a parent. She loves gymnastics and is very good at it. The current 5.5 hours a week she has been doing have been fab. Now the club have asked her to do three more. It's not as simple as turning to her and saying "I'm pulling you out of gymnastics because you can't stay up that late" - she would be devastated. So I'm trying to work out a balance. My husband and I have already decided we will continue to pick her up at 7.30 on one of the nights. In all honesty, I don't think she is the kind of character to stick to the schedule - like others have mentioned, she is more of a chilled child and I expect after a few months we will be knocking it on the head, but we want to give it a chance. And I promise, that's for her, not me! I have discovered there is a county level schedule at the club of elite squad is not for her, so she has that as a back up (train 4 hours a week). Thank you to everyone who has commented, it's been really valuable.

Of course parents who have agreed for their tiny child to do extreme hours training in a gymnastics factory are going to ardently defend their decision.

It's hardly objective.

You do not let a 6 year old make important decisions, or even decisions on what to eat for breakfast.

I too am perplexed by the idea that a 6 year old should be responsible for a decision requiring the weighing up of long term information and complex interconnected factors - a 6 year old does not have the cognitive ability to do that yet (no 6 year old does, whether gifted or otherwise, the human brain has not developed sufficiently by 6 years old).

Would you be "led by" a 6 year old on going to school, food and meal choices, where it is safe to play, using power tools, which adults to trust, joining internet chat rooms?

No, because that's the responsibility of the adults around them.

Why does a 6 year old need to be a competitive anything, other than for the benefit of the adults who are invested in the activity or status?

Just because it's normal it doesn't mean its right (and I speak as the mum of a serious dancer who went to full time dance school at the age of 11 so I know what hours and commitment are like). 6 is too young.

she would be devastated

Devastated? Really? She would be sad and disappointed. Temporarily.

Same as any child is sad and disappointed when something nice ends. A favourite teacher retires, TV show is cancelled, birthday party gets cancelled.

Don't frame it as some kind of catastrophic life destroying decision that she'll never recover from. It's not. It's a hobby for a 6 year old.

If you want her competing she will experience sadness and disappointment anyway. They're normal emotions that everyone experiences and needs to learn they can survive instead of making dysfunctional decisions to avoid feeling them.

It's not all or nothing if she's doing it for fun she can join a recreational group for a few hours a week, can't she? Doesn't need to be about an "elite" group if your only motivation is accessing a fun hobby.

Does anyone know what other activities/sports ask a primary school age child to practise for that many hours?

Only figure skating.

That's the only other sport where children are required to train insane hours and singles girls retire at 15-17.

@cornflakedreams are you an ex elite gymnast? Or the parent of an elite gymnast? There are loads of people on this thread who are and who are offering me good, balanced advice. To pick me up on semantics and the use of the word "devastated" is a cheap shot.

I suggest you research incontinence and back pain in gymnasts so you can make an informed decision given she isn’t old enough to understand all the pros and cons. High impact sport on a young body carries risks.

No way would i do this. Not in a million years.

A mere fraction of the girls and boys put into this system will actually "make it" and for the rest, it's a huge sacrifice for nothing.

Children often adore various activities, it doesnt mean we allow them to devote time to them to the exclusion of everything else.

XelaM Not only figure skating, I mentioned a few others upthread.

cornflakedreams Your posts are hardly objective themselves, is it 😉

Look, I don’t think anyone is disputing that gymnastics has an awful reputation and that athletes have been treated extremely cruelly. Hence why it is tremendously important to choose your child’s club carefully. A PP mentioned a club that wouldn’t let parents watch - just like her, I’d run for the hills from a club like that. The decent (which I’m measuring by attitude rather than success rate I suppose!) clubs are hyper aware of that reputation and are doing their best to change *it.

(Sorry, that isn’t meant to be in bold and I can’t figure out how to change it!)

Don't frame it as some kind of catastrophic life destroying decision that she'll never recover from. It's not. It's a hobby for a 6 year old.

This.

@TimeForGouter
XelaM Not only figure skating, I mentioned a few others upthread.

But it's not really true for football or swimming. My nephew and a good friend's son are in football academies of very well known clubs and yes the commitment is great, but (a) they are pre-teens and not 6 and (b) it's still not that immense. You have already heard from swimming parents on this thread. Also the physical pounding of the body is a lot less in football/swimming.

Whereas (female singles) figure skating really is a children's sport where you are considered past your best as soon as you hit 17.

One thing I would say that if your child is a talented gymnast it's likely they'll be talented at other sports too, ones without such intense training, competition and are generally kinder sports. Things like diving, climbing, trampolining etc.

I'd keep their options open and continue with recreational gymnasts and try other sports that might be more sustainable long term.

I was a gymnast from 6-18:

1. I always knew i was there by choice

1. My parents were always very clear with me that it was an ongoing discussion, whether I was happy.

1. I left one club after being ridiculed by the coach for not doing 'such an easy move' well. She reduced me to tears. I never went back. The second club I went to was lovely - the coaches were like parents to us.

I can say for certain that a) having a regular commitment through my childhood and teenage years and b) having other 'non parental' adults in my life to talk to saved my sanity and kept me on a good path.

But of course those benefits can come from many places.

I'd say the biggest question needs to be 'does she enjoy it?' And 'are you happy with the coaching?' because if there's the slightest bit of doubt about either of those things, its not a good idea.

I think the people saying 'but the scandal!' are lumping all coaches together tbh. Even back in the 1990s when we had Russian coaches visiting for development sessions (for three or four months at a time) they were never anything other than concerned with teaching us gymnastics. I'm absolutely not denying or minimising that abuse has happened. But it wasn't and isn't everywhere. Any coach or club worth their salt will have no problems with parents watching sessions.

I think the people saying 'but the scandal!' are lumping all coaches together tbh. Even back in the 1990s when we had Russian coaches visiting for development sessions (for three or four months at a time) they were never anything other than concerned with teaching us gymnastics. I'm absolutely not denying or minimising that abuse has happened. But it wasn't and isn't everywhere. Any coach or club worth their salt will have no problems with parents watching sessions.

There are amazing teachers out there and both my children do recreational gymnastics once a week. I mentioned abuse because there are parents who don't seem aware that it happens (not just in gymnastics but probably all sports).

When I was a teenager doing athletics some parents of teenage girls had no problem with a middle aged man taking their daughters into a room alone for a massage. It didn't occur to the parents that this may be suspicious. Of course now it is coming out what actually happened then.

And thank you for all the warnings reference abusive coaching/ sexual abuse. I was aware of this but it's good to have my senses heightened so I can ask the right questions and remain vigilant

Wow, that might be normal for gymnastics, but there is not a cat in hell’s chance I’d allow a six year old to spend 9 hours a week on any hobby, no matter how much she liked it

Precisely.

My sister was asked to join an Olympics training squad whilst she was still in primary school. She refused. She decided it wasn't worth the sacrifice of her time, life and potential health issues for the slim possibility of winning a bit of metal 10 years down the track (or even worse, not winning anything after all that sacrifice).

I'm also a good few inches shorter than my sister and I think this is because of the repetitive impact training that stunted my growth. I have a slipped disc in my back. I hit 40 and loads of things suddenly went wrong with me musculoskeletally when I'd always been healthy.

It's a shame as it's an amazing sport. I volunteered at the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow for gymnastics and I could've cried at how hard the girls were being to themselves as well as the coaches. Most people could only dream of being able to do what they can do but they feel like they're not good enough. I even saw one whacking herself round the head for making a tiny error.

I didn’t even open a bold tag, the whole thing just went bold 😂

XelaM - 5x hourly training sessions plus a full day Saturday/Sunday football ‘festival’ is normal here by age 8. So that’s over 10 hours a week. The swimming discussion led to agreement that hours would actually be similar to gymnastics after initial confusion over sessions v hours. I’m not saying this intensity is optimal, just that’s it’s not that unusual!

My daughter was on an elite artistic pathway and quit when she was 9.

She was doing 20+ hours a week and loved it. Then lockdown happened. She was committed to the Zoom training, but it was nothing like the atmosphere in the gym, where she thrived. Her squad and coach were like another family. They travelled for summer camps and she scored well at every competition.

Over lockdown gymnasts quit, her coach moved, and on going back into the gym the atmosphere was completely different. Instead of the fun, encouraging routine they'd become used to, things stepped up a gear to 'catch up'.

The head coach pulled her aside and told her she had to commit to more home conditioning "if she wanted to make it." She came out that day and said "What if I don't want to make it?" We had a long chat and she told me that there was no fun it in anymore, before it had been enjoyable, she loved testing what her body could do and was immensely capable without having to over-exert herself. The head coach wanted to see more and more, and push and push. She never went back.

She was like a little lost soul for a while, and it was hard to find an outlet for her energy, but we explored many other things.

A year down the line, after a foray into skating, playing for a local football club, climbing several munros, she asked to go back and do a different gymnastic discipline. We enrolled at another club (it was difficult as her name was known and the local clubs were trying to push for her to join competitive artistic squads) and she is now a happy little tumbler twice a week, and plays football on a Tuesday.

She had sworn she'd never compete again, but was asked to a couple of months ago and came out of gym begging to be allowed. I reluctantly let her, and told her if she felt any kind of pressure, or stress, we would pull her.

She competed and loved every minute of it. I think we've found the right balance.

Behind every Olympic/Commonwealth gymnast there is either a pushy coach and pushy parents OR a natural aptitude and love for the sport within the child. These levels cannot be reached without the commitment at an early age, it is the kind of sport that demands a tough schedule from the very beginning.

If it has to be forced in any way, at any time then it is the wrong path to pursue.

You need to watch for any signs of fatigue or burnout, any signs of unhappiness, make sure there is open communication with the coach and club, and ensure your child is 100% honest about how they feel in the sport at all times.

Again, I really think you should only take advice from people who have gone through the gymnastics/competitive sport process as everyone else's experience is purely just an opinion.

Too many parents in this world who judge on what time a child's bedtime should be (trust me, my DD does not sleep much and I've spent my whole life listening to people tell me she needs a routine). There is nothing wrong with her, she has an exceptional intelligence to her and just doesn't need as much sleep.

Asides from that; listening to your child's voice is critically important. Of course a 6 year old can be devastated if not allowed to do something. If I pulled my DD from gymnastics now (she's clued up on every pathway, Olympian, process etc) her heart would break.

Yes there has been scandals and abuse; remain vigilant and protect. There has also been considerable scandals within the churches but we don't advise people to not go to church. Most gyms have open access for parents and the culture has definitely shifted. Again, allow your child to use their voice and as with anything, make sure they speak up at all times.

OP if your child wants to peruse this and you think she could cope, give her a try. It only has to be a try.

We stuck with recreational for this reason and my daughter also gets to do ballet, stage school, swimming etc. She's 7 and loves the variety, while continuing to develop as a gymnast (albeit she won't be in a position to compete). Next year she will have time to try hockey and she's also interested in circus skills which she can do in a local class once she's 8. So she gets to try so much but retains exercise, skills, etc.