Neighbour won't leave me alone

[Janedoelovesbum12398]

My next door neighbour is nice enough when I first moved in he offered ladders, paint for decorating.

As time passed though I try to avoid as much as possible and tensions have escalated just wondering if I'm being unreasonable?

Instances that have annoyed me. When first moving in he came on my property and taped plastic over my boiler vent. I replaced this with a metal cover as a heating engineer said its illegal. His guests always block me in and out of my drive so I always knock and ask to be let out or in but they still do it.

During one of the storms he came on my property and took down the fence as it was loose and dumped it right by my car without telling me. I popped round to say the fence had fell and he said oh I took it down (didn't knock or put it on his own property). He also left some wood propped against my gate which when I opened fell on me (I again said nothing but dread if my daughter had opened that gate.

He is forever dumping wood and plastic in the street which is left for weeks near the cars again during one of the storms I moved it. Or leaving stuff hanging over the fence onto my side until I ask it to be moved.

He is always knocking offering to sell stuff and if I say no thank you he gets rude. Its usually something broken which I learnt the hard way. The latest saga is he came and painted the fence my side and he's got paint all over the garden and my gate and path, plus its dripped everywhere on the fence. In the end I told him to leave it and not do anymore so it escalated.

I do think he is just trying to help, but I just want to be left alone and whenever I say no thank you I get attitude or he is rude.

I do think he is just trying to help, but I just want to be left alone and whenever I say no thank you I get attitude or he is rude.

He's not trying to help.

He is being rude, intrusive, & controlling.
He sees you as somehow lesser than him, & his constant presence on your property & interference with your things is a dominance display.

He's a rude fucker anyway, so stop being polite. He doesn't see it as courtesy - he sees it as deference.
Stop saying "no thank you." Say "no - & I want you to stop bothering me" THEN SHUT THE DOOR IN HIS FACE. Don't stick around letting him blather on or "escalate". He can only escalate if you continue to engage with him - so lose the social conditioning, & stop responding to him.

The fence-painting should have had you barrelling out of the door shouting "what the hell do you think you are doing? - get off my property immediately", with a call to the police if he refused.

This man is boundary-testing you.
Read your Gavin de Becker - "favour sharking", "forced teaming" - & read this:
www.oomm.live/the-shark-cage-metaphor-spotting-potential-abusers/

You need to get way more assertive here. You're letting this man ride rough shod over your property & your peaceful enjoyment of your home. Cut out the pleasantries. Use plain, direct speech. If he keeps trying to engage you - you are not obliged to respond, so lose that social conditioning - just walk away, shut your door in his face, ring another neighbour or the cops if he gets arsey.

@KettrickenSmiled i do think he thinks he is helping. He grew up when neighbours were all friends with each other and did things for each other. In his mind he is just being friendly but I don't like conflict and I just want to be left alone.

I don't want to buy some broken thing and I don't want you to paint the fence. In his eyes he was just doing us a favour and he said as such. I just shut the door on him when he becomes irrate. I'm not even sure he is all there.

Namechange fail? Whatever his intention he is being a pain in the arse. You can require him to stop or let him carry on its up to you.

i do think he thinks he is helping. He grew up when neighbours were all friends with each other and did things for each other. In his mind he is just being friendly but I don't like conflict and I just want to be left alone.
It doesn’t matter what he thinks: you think your fence is fine, your property is yours, and he should leave you alone. You owe him nothing, not even politeness: he’s not being polite to you.

I’d invest in very good gate locks, a ring doorbell and other cameras, and start keeping a log of every incident. Tell him in no uncertain terms he is not to come on your property – log that too. Start building a case for harassment.

He sounds an utter dickhead and I can't see how he would think he was helping, judging by the mess he's making. I would tell him to keep away from you property and tell him you'll report him for harassment if he doesn't stop

So what? Why are you contorting yourself to buy into what you imagine is his mindset? YOU know he is not being helpful. Whether HE thinks he is or not is immaterial.

Stop worrying about what a rude man (who is pretending to be 'friendly' but is actually just harrassing you to buy his tat & put up with his interference) thinks of you. Start concerning yourself with what YOU think of you, & be proud of standing up for yourself.

This

Thanks for all your comments I thought it wasn't me being rude or unreasonable.

Did you tell him he could paint your fence? If not what was he playing at?! Call the council about the waste he is leaving lying around.

He is clearly not "all there". Nevertheless, the advice given here is sound. Lose the pleasantries and be direct. He is vandalising your property!

He’s not helping you. He sees you as weak and helpless. He’s probably sneering at you to himself as he ‘helps’ you by taking down your fence. You’d never sort it, right, so poor long-suffering neighbour has to help you - that’s how he sees it. You don’t qualify as a real homeowner in his eyes, hence why he’s quite happy to trample over your garden and your rights.

He’s a bully.

Seems like he is short of cash and doing you 'favours' hoping you'll give him a few quid.

@DinoRock its his fence, he has painted his side and then decided to come and paint the back of his side which is on my side. I looked online and you can't really stop access for maintenence, I didn't know he would make such a mess though.

@Samarie123 he is not short of pennies, I've seen some of the stuff delivered to his house. He thinks he is being neighbourly.

@Mystery2345 you have hit the nail right on the head. Harmless (well not to me because of the anxiety I feel) but he's either not all there in the head or a bit dim. I can't figure out which, perhaps both. Conversation with him is painful, I dread when he knocks on my door, or catches me in the back garden.

I'm hoping that when I made it clear he was not to come onto my property any more and I don't need his help he has taken the hint and won't bother anymore. I doubt it.

You want to see the state of his fence it's so bad.

@Janedoe12398 @Janedoelovesbum12398

or catches me in the back garden.

Small thing - and maybe you're already doing this, but could you have earphones in when you are in the garden? Especially the larger over the head noise cancelling ones so he has a very visual cue that you are unavailable? If you do happen to catch his eye you can give a small wave and go back to what you were doing, without responding.

Hopefully you are maybe also growing a screen between your garden and his - though that might take a while. 🌹

@Newestname002 you would think so, no was out in the garden doing work. Big noise cancelling headphones on music playing, he was talking to me for ages and I didn't spot him, I turned around and said sorry I hadn't heard anything he said and he carried on where he left off from even though he could see I was busy. I then asked him a question and he stared at me for ages confused, I don't think he's all there.