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Original poster

Bf’s family has a lot of women

16 replies

Lovelytea35 · 03/05/2022 20:07

Bf’s family is dominated by women. At family functions they are not particularly welcoming; by this there’s limited conversation and a lack of making me feel welcome. I just dread attending their functions. I try to make an effort, but give up as I’m spoken to with great big false smiles and just get the feeling I’m not accepted. Haven’t mentioned how I feel to the bf as don’t want to seem as though I’m making trouble or put him in a situation. Wondered if it would be unreasonable to not go to all the functions, birthdays etc

OP posts:
housemaus · 03/05/2022 22:43

You wouldn't be unreasonable not to go to loads of his family functions if his family are rude to you, but you definitely would be if you said/assumed it was because they're women - women aren't inherently ruder or less welcoming than men.

How long have you been together? Limited conversation and big smiles sounds like how lots of families would handle relatively new partners - maybe they're not being rude and you're just a bit unsure and it's making you worried they're not being genuine?

You can politely decline some stuff, have plans for others, etc and just go to the important stuff (weddings, big birthdays, funerals).

Honestly my approach would be to keep going and keep being nice - you might never be best friends (or even friends!) with them, plenty of people aren't remotely close with their partner's family, but as long as you can pass some time in their company that's usually all that's required.

Kite22 · 03/05/2022 22:51

Everything housemaus said.

Nothing in your OP suggests to me they are being anything other than polite.

What has the fact there are more women than men in his family got to do with anything ? Confused

TooBigForMyBoots · 03/05/2022 22:54

Dump him.

Hawkins001 · 03/05/2022 22:54

Are the family members quite well educated Oxbridge or more general university ect ?

Rainingoflamp · 03/05/2022 23:21

Is this another strange thread?

Gagaandgag · 03/05/2022 23:28

This has happened to me. My in laws were/are aloof. It can be intimidating. I think if you stop going it wont get better / will make things worse.

How long have you been together?

Is there one person you can focus on to make a rapport/connection with?

It’s so hard but after a long time of needless worrying I would urge you to try and take it with as much of a pinch of salt as you can and try and enjoy it the best you can/ just get through it. Then forget about it until the next time!

HeddaGarbled · 03/05/2022 23:33

great big false smiles

They don’t know you very well yet but they’re trying to be polite and friendly until they get to know you better?

Rubyroseyposey · 03/05/2022 23:36

Do you think men would be more welcoming?

CheesyColeslaw · 03/05/2022 23:37

Not sure how their sex is relevant but don't go if you don't want to. They don't sound particularly unwelcoming though.

fallfallfall · 03/05/2022 23:38

more information is needed.
namely how long have you been together and how old.
and what is his dating history like; if he is relatively young and has a new woman by his side every 6-12 months it's hard to get interested after a while. likewise if he had a long term relationship that everyone loved or hated again it's hard to get involved.
personally if they are polite but distant i'd settle for that dynamic for quite some time.
oh also if you're relationship history is frequent and varied they may be aware of this and stand off ish assuming it won't last.

Gagaandgag · 03/05/2022 23:39

fallfallfall · 03/05/2022 23:38

more information is needed.
namely how long have you been together and how old.
and what is his dating history like; if he is relatively young and has a new woman by his side every 6-12 months it's hard to get interested after a while. likewise if he had a long term relationship that everyone loved or hated again it's hard to get involved.
personally if they are polite but distant i'd settle for that dynamic for quite some time.
oh also if you're relationship history is frequent and varied they may be aware of this and stand off ish assuming it won't last.

Yes, I agree with all of this OP

SlatsandFlaps · 03/05/2022 23:43

TooBigForMyBoots · 03/05/2022 22:54

Dump him.

You would. Seriously end a relationship that was otherwise ok, just because his relatives were aloof!?!?! Wtf?!?!

Spitescreen · 03/05/2022 23:59

Hawkins001 · 03/05/2022 22:54

Are the family members quite well educated Oxbridge or more general university ect ?

What? The OP has said nothing about these women’s educational background and you’re wondering if they’re Oxbridge alumni vs ‘general university’?

is this because Oxbridge is stuffed with sneering female toffs in Alice bands?

WabbitsAndWeasels · 03/05/2022 23:59

My family is absolutely full of women, I'm one of 13 grandchildren and there's only 1 man. We're not a close family so events are more awkward anyway, I didn't even go to the most recent family wedding as I wanted to avoid certain family members (mainly mother and sister of the groom) so understand how some events can be difficult.

I think most families are just different to your own, this may in fact just be normal for them. Of course you don't have to go to everything. I'd probably stick to events with immediate family so parents and siblings and the big birthdays/weddings/funerals of other family members if you want to. If/once you're serious (long term committed relationship) you might have to just accept you're not gonna be close or even friendly and just get on with it as long as they aren't being rude or nasty. There's likely other female partners there who feel equally left out and might up for chatting.

worraliberty · 04/05/2022 00:04

Errrm...if being women had anything to do with it, they wouldn't get on with each other either, would they?

And (assuming you're also a woman), that means you too are 'at fault' for having a vagina...

You're all doomed. I suggest you hang out with the wonderful men of the family instead.

balalake · 04/05/2022 07:07

I think you should talk to your boyfriend about it. He may be completely unaware.

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