To tell my boss how I am feeling

[LCD39]

I returned from maternity leave in October unexpectedly as a single mum! At first I thought I was doing amazingly with the juggle. I still had some holiday to take so was only working four days a week. My work has always been fairly flexible and I only work two days in the office in London. However, since being back full time I am struggling. I work in a face paced industry, and they have cut staff to cut costs so everyone is working to capacity. I really wanted to impress my boss, and offered to take on some extra work but it's pushing me over the edge. I've made a couple of silly mistakes I have never done this is the past five years prior to this. My parents live abroad and my ex isn't very helpful (will only help on his terms). I need the job as I need the money, but I can feel my mental health is suffering and I'm worried I'm going to burn out. I had covid a few weeks back and then my little girl was Ill and I had to stay off work to look after her and it's exacerbated the situation. I really want to talk to my boss, who has always been fair and flexible, about how I'm feeling but I'm really worried it will go against me or they will think I can't do my job. If anyone has any similar experience or can offer some good advice I'd really appreciate it! Xxx

Also, just to add I was going to suggest if I could only come into office one day a week or cut work to four days. Though I'm not sure the last option will help, as I'll still have to do five days work in four. I just feel something has to give.

This situation isn’t unusual at all, I felt like a complete mix of everything in the first 6 months of returning from mat leave. That desire to impress again but then conflicted with leaving your child / thinking about them etc, it’s tough. Especially if you’re now a single parent.

id definitely speak to your boss, it’s better that you tell him rather than him noticing and pulling you up on it.

but I’d suggest you go to him with problem > your proposal to fix it. Is that dropping work temporarily / moving to flexi working times / dropping a day a week and 20% of your load / moving job / or just asking for some space and support for a bit while you work this out. Figure out what you want then chat tk your boss.

good luck, it’s tough

I've a lot of experience managing staff and I would absolutely want you to talk to me. I'm always conscious that the first 6mo especially from returning from mat leave can be a hard adjustment.

You're clearly juggling a lot and trying very hard. Please do speak up and ask for some support.

Have you got any ideas about what you would like to see change?

@YellowHpok I work in an industry where to save costs they've made people redundant, but there is still an obscene amount of work! Another guy just left and this where I said I would help take on his work until they found a replacement... but I didn't envisage how time consuming it would be on top of my already heavy work load! I feel if I say I have too much work, it's saying I can't cope (annoyingly they had one guy do two jobs in the two months leading up to me coming back from maternity and although he worked into the night and weekend I feel because he didn't complain about it, he's set a precedent!' In an ideal world they'd hire a team assistant. I've just put my daughter to bed and she's still crying... and I have to travel up to London tomorrow! The anxiety is already setting in as I was hoping to have a relaxing evening before the early start tomorrow. Sorry a bit of a rambling reply.

@ShirleyPhallus thank you so much for your wonderful reply! It means a lot to know I'm not the only one to feel like and thanks so much for your great advice xxx

I could have wrote this myself. Just returned from maternity leave and I feel completely snowed under. I’ve come back as the only one left in my “team” and am finding the work load overwhelming. I want to speak to my boss about it, but I also don’t want him to think I can’t handle the job anymore. It’s just difficult to adjust to going from a team of us sharing the workload to just me on my own. A lot has also changed since I left for maternity so I feel like I’m having to learn a lot of new things and there’s not really someone I can bounce questions off. I feel like it’s having a negative effect on my home life as I can’t just leave work at work, I’m constantly contacted on the evenings and weekends. I’m definitely very stressed and worried I’ll burn out.

I think we both need to put our big girl pants on and have a chat with our bosses. Best of luck to you x

@Normando91 I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this! My job has always been understaffed and so much expected of you... and it seems the same for you! It definitely has an affect on my mental health and I also feel I'm not giving the best to my daughter after work! I'm not afraid of hard work but I do think there is only so much capacity to do it all! The one positive, I'd like to think they wouldn't want to lose either of us... because who would do all the bloody work! Haha

Just a quick update to you lovely ladies for giving me such great advice! I went in and spoke to a lovely girl from HR. I ended up getting a bit teary, but she lovely and repeated all your advice! She also said not to worry about making mistakes, as that often highlights the correct processes aren't in place. She also reminded me that my company offers free counselling and mental health advice, which was brilliant as something I really need! I spoke to my boss and she was lovely, she has a sister who is a single parent so understood my stresses and told me to take a few days off in the next week to just concentrate on me. She also said the whole company is understaffed and everyone is feeling snowed under with work, even the big boss in the U.K. office! It made me feel better that I'm not just the only one feeling it's all too much. I want to thank you all for your great advice, it really helped me. You don't know how appreciative I am! And @Normando91 I hope you speak to your boss too! I feel loads better already xxxx

Glad your workplace is being supportive, I had a mental break whilst on 3 month notice from my last job.

had to sheepishly tell my new employer I was in the middle of being medicated etc and not feeling very confident and they have moved the world for me.

I love that at least some workplaces are taking mental well-being extremely seriously and providing lots of support xxx

@LCD39 Oh I’m so glad you’ve spoke to HR and your boss and that they’ve been so helpful! Hopefully your workload will get a bit easier going forward and you can’t dedicate more precious time with your little girl without the added stress 🥰 I had a very positive meeting today and ironed out some of the issues I was facing, definitely feeling a lot more confident about some of the things that have been getting on top of me and hopefully will continue! (And hopefully we will both get some new colleagues soon to help!) x

can dedicate* more time… obviously 😂

Fwiw OP, I found working FT as a single parent went in waves of being wonderful and impossible. Try not to get too weighed down in how rubbish it is now and know that things will improve, but do speak ri your boss if you're really struggling. Being a single mum to a baby isn't an unusual situation and I'm sure they'll be able to offer support!

I'm glad you spoke to the girl in HR. Presumably that girl has a degree and also professional qualifications. She may also be a mother. Was there really any need to be so reductive?

I was actually coming on to say that rather than cutting down to four days and taking the accompanying pay cut, have you thought about getting an au-pair to help with the laundry, do bath time, and provide a couple of nights babysitting a week so you get some time to yourself to recover from your break up as well as going back to work.

Honestly, I'd look for a new job. I've worked in places where the response is "everyone is snowed under" but it's never followed with "so we've a massive recruitment drive planned over the next few months". It's always just lip service about employee health advice and helplines.

I now work in an office where we have an actual number of staff to do the work and if we are off ill it won't all still be there when we get back. If you take a few days for yourself, who's doing your job while you're away and what will you come back to?

@Normando91 that's great news too! I think sometimes I anticipate the worst and actually it's ok to chat things through. So glad you are feeling more positive and yes to getting more staff! X

@TimeForTeaAndG totally appreciate what you're saying and trust me the thought has entered my mind! But they are very flexible with me having to look after my daughter and also, I am planning on selling my flat and buying a bigger house soon so need to show I have steady employment too xxx thanks for your advice though and so glad you've made the change for the better!

@RosesAndHellebores I didn't mean any offence referring to her as a girl! Sorry if you took it that way. And yes, I would love an au pair.. sadly I don't have the room or money for one but it sounds a dream. Definitely on the wish list x

Worth sticking with it then to have the steady employment record. Good luck with new house 😊