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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Preschool singling out DS- autism

45 replies

Drowningi · 03/05/2022 12:07

DS is autistic, non verbal and attends Preschool 5 days a week, 2 full days and 3 half days.

Every full day, 10/20 minutes after the rest of the half day kids have left I get a call asking me to collect. Generally because DS is having a meltdown/generally unhappy/doesn't seem like himself today.
He is supposed to have a 1:1 senco worker, this hasn't happened and they've just rejigged all the kids into different rooms with different friends and adults. So no 1:1 support for DS.

I just feel like they are failing him. When I collect him he is normally fine, and he isn't the type of kid to get excited at seeing a parent. He'll have a wet nappy or be thirsty, it just seems like they look at the autism and say o well it's obviously that that's why he is upset. Ignore the basics.

Hes only been in for 3 full days these past 3 months, it almost feels pointless.

Obviously I want to do what's best for DS, moving preschools isn't appropriate because of his ongoing EHCP and he does love it there, when he was in for his proper hours he was thriving. Then they had staffing problems for months so he was on a list of reduced hours. He was one of a couple of children who had many days "off" but he seemed to have more than others. I.e. no full days just half when others had full and half

Finally back to normal these past few months, or so we thought. But it seems like any old excuse now.

I'm just frustrated. Feels like it's the start of people writing him off too early because of a diagnosis.

Waiting around for that call now!

YABU - silly to think a 3 year old is being singled out

YANBU- multiple occasions and repeat instances where nothing has happened suggest otherwise

OP posts:

anewername · 03/05/2022 13:18

Personally I would put him in all mornings and then collect, so not an issue for the afternoons. Of course he can tell the mix of children changes. He is probably overwhelmed. I feel for any child full time days is a lot and especially for SN children. ( Yes I have two children with AD)

Marvellousmadness · 03/05/2022 13:28

It sounds like you want him to do 2 full days
It sounds like he isn't ready for full days and only manages half days

Stick with what works for him
Not for what you ideally want. He doesn't have 1 on 1 support yet. So it sounds like he is just too much for the staff to handle on their own. Whilst looking at 30 other kids.
Which makes sense.

Original poster

Drowningi · 03/05/2022 13:35

We were told when he started in September they had funding for a 1:1 for him, they were supposed to start in September but for reasons unknown didn't until December.
They don't appear to be his 1:1 if that makes sense. Getting information from preschool is like getting blood from a stone

OP posts:

wonkygorgeous · 03/05/2022 13:40

Drowningi · 03/05/2022 13:35

Definitely give the SEN at LA a call and discuss your concerns.

Also make sure the educational part F of your EHCP is tight when you get to see the draft copy.

It would be a good idea is contact SENDIASS in your area and ask for help with this ahead of time.

Part F quantifies and qualifies the help he needs.

It's a legal document and can be enforced.

If it doesn't specify 1:1 when you read it (part F under education) then get it amended.

Otherwise legally he has no right to his 1:1.

Shoebie · 03/05/2022 13:42

They shouldn't have given you unrealistic expectations ie said that funding was sorted if it isn't. If the EHCP is still processing it wouldn't be impossible, but would be fairly unlikely they had secured 1.1 provision- I would definitely get a meeting scheduled in and ask them to clarify the situation and ask them to suggest any mitigating actions to try and reduce the instances of him being sent home. It might be that sadly they just can't provide what he needs at the moment and haven't been as transparent about this as they should have been.

HMG107 · 03/05/2022 13:56

Yes they are failing him and if the situation is making him feel that overwhelmed he 'melts down' almost every day then he isn't loving it there.

Lets look at this another way - you have a friend whose started a job, the sensory environment and the behaviour of their colleagues effects them to such a degree that by lunchtime they loose all control of their emotions and they are publicly upset. You wouldn't be advising your friend to keep going back there.

It sounds like this is completely the wrong environment for your son and the staff don't want him there. I took my autistic daughter to look at a few nurseries and it was immediately obvious they were too noisy and busy. She is thriving at a childminders.

Springblossom2022 · 03/05/2022 13:58

To me, it sounds like you aren't being unreasonable at all - they are failing him. All preschools/nurseries/schools are well aware that they should adapt their approach to suit the needs of different children but they clearly aren't doing so in this case. Having worked with SEN parents in the past I can assure you that (unfortunately) you're not alone in this and many parents are failed by the system. Main issues are lack of funding, lack of genuine understanding of SEN and a system that is generally unfit for purpose. I'm so sorry OP, sending hugs and hope the situation improves. I'd raise concerns with the preschool ASAP and be honest with them. Keep records of things whenever you can, such as days he was sent home, what time, reason etc along with any conversations with staff

Superslide · 03/05/2022 14:05

They're not allowed to claim funding for hours they're not offering.

Also, if they send him home (and therefore he's missing out on his claimed funding hours) then they must offer those hours at another time during that term.

I I'd have a meeting to discuss your child's support and what's in place. Next time they send him home early, ask them in writing what day they're offering instead to make up his funded hours? That might make them think twice about sending home. But then, if he's consistently wet or thirsty, I wouldn't trust them to take care of my child.

Tumbleweed101 · 03/05/2022 14:14

It's difficult to get adequate funding for 1:1 care at preschool age because the assessments are often still ongoing. They may be struggling to care for him having meltdowns and care for the other children. It is hard and all the children in the group lose out if there isn't 1:1 care for a SEN child who needs significant support because the adults are too stretched to give everyone what they need. That is the fault of the system not the staff or children.

You need to ask for a meeting to discuss your concerns with your child's key person and the SENCO so you can find out exactly what is happening and if 1:1 support is funded and in place.

However they may not be sending him home because they can't cope, it may be that he genuinely is struggling with afternoon sessions. A child I care for really enjoys the morning session and lunch time but becomes tired and a bit overwhelmed in the afternoon session. We don't send her home but we think five mornings would suit better than the longer days she does.

LittleOwl153 · 03/05/2022 14:19

Hang on a minute... you said they are claiming the 30 hour funding from the local authority...
Are they claiming the FULL 30 hours? I assume you will have signed the forms for this? When my ds was on this funding (He's now 8 so things might have changed) they were very strict about only claiming for sessions the child was booked for. So you couldn't claim for 10 sessions and only book 8. The nursery manager was very clear that if they got checked and it was picked up that the parent was claiming for more hours than the kid was booked to attend the LA could withdraw the whole years funding which the nursery would then bill the parents for. I'd take a look at what you signed OP as you could end up being billed for the years sessions if he isn't even booked in for the 30 hours nursery have YOU claiming for.

I'd also ask specifically what extra funding they are getting for him. Is this also 30hours? In which case they are being over funded for him...

I appreciate they are understaffed but this could get them and you in trouble and potentially with a big bill!

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 03/05/2022 14:27

@LittleOwl153

its 30 hours term time only, so 2 whole days and 3 mornings is more than likely to be the 30 hours term time or less of spread out

LittleOwl153 · 03/05/2022 14:27

In terms of your son needing to be picked up constantly - have you tried when you get there assessing the situation and if he's fine - just needs a nappy change etc then sorting the problem (changing the nappy) and then saying OK, he seems fine now - I'll see you at 3pm or wherever the time? Their reaction to this will tell you whether there is a genuine concern for him or whether he is just an easy target to reduce numbers, as they know you are available to collect. (If this was me I would have had to have had words pretty quickly and probably move settings as having to pick up early 3 days a week every week for 3 months would have cost me my job ...)

LittleOwl153 · 03/05/2022 14:29

@OnceuponaRainbow18 it could be - but preschool rather than nursery to me suggests a term time only provision - as my son was - maybe attached to a school or a church hall type facility...

Clareypoo · 03/05/2022 19:21

There is some good advice on here.
Maybe your son is struggling with full days and that is why they are calling you. If that is the case then this is a communication issue and needs to be addressed.
The current situation isn't ok and needs to change. I still think you need to have a meeting with the preschool, and to clarify what exactly he has funding for and what is going on with staffing. Write down some questions you want answers to before u go in.

My Portage worker been great too with issues, get back in touch with them. They are there for help/advice for this stuff.
One issue I had, I didn't realise at the time, was that the nursery we're reluctant to apply for funding for some 1:1 time for my son as they thought there was a magical special nursery that he could go to if they demonstrated that they were struggling with him. Messed up.

lanthanum · 03/05/2022 19:30

If the meltdown is always at that particular point, I would guess that when he sees the others going he worries that you've abandoned him there, which seems quite understandable. If they could take him into a different room when the half-day children are leaving, then he might not realise that they're going.

Shakeitshakeitbaby · 04/05/2022 22:16

lanthanum · 03/05/2022 19:30

It does sound like it is often at half day pick up time. My son would do similar if I didn't pick him up 5 mins before the other parents arrived. My old nursery would enact a distraction by moving him into an area on his own with a preferred toy until I arrived. This might be a suggestion for them over pick up time. They shouldn't be just asking you to pick up for spurious reasons. They need to put a strategy in place to deal with it.

mycatisannoying · 04/05/2022 22:23

That's really bad OP, and I work with children like your son. He shouldn't be asked to be picked up early for behavioural reasons; we've only ever done this when a child was being a danger to themselves or others ... or when ill, obviously. I feel really sad for you both. And I have no idea if you work OP, but apart from anything else, there's also the practicality of you trying to get things done each day!

mycatisannoying · 04/05/2022 22:24

Ooh, and they definitely need to better manage the transition of the others leaving early.

Sunnyqueen · 06/08/2022 10:24

Yanbu but sad to say a fairly typical attitude from a mainstream placement, schools are worse even the SENCOs don't know what the hell they are doing/talking about most of the time.

Doveyouknow · 06/08/2022 10:38

If you had written that you had to collect a NT child from nursery regularly because they were upset then everyone would say the nursery were being ridiculous. It doesn't sound like he is behaving in a way that is dangerous or that he is upset for particularly long. In fact it sounds like he just needs a bit of attention. Surely that's part of looking after any 3 year old.

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