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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

House of horror

12 replies

cactusoil · 03/05/2022 10:44

I did a mutual exchange with a woman, me and my 4 year old daughter exchanged on Monday.
I had viewed the house at Xmas and said I would exchange as long as she cleaned it and took out the old carpets. (I was leaving her my carpets)

After a very long wait of about 4 months we finally got the move date, it was the longest day ever and we didn't get to the house until 6pm. When I walked through the door I was gobsmacked.
Let me paint a picture; a heap of rubbish out the front, urine on the bathroom floor, wet mud on the kitchen floor, dry shit on the carpets, a human ponytail and an old plaster arm cast in the kitchen cupboard. There was thick dirt in every inch of the house, dry fly poo all over the walls, a dirty mattress in the spare room and garden, an old reptile tank in the shed.

My daughter was asleep in the car so me, my sister and her partner spent 2 hours cleaning so it was almost child proof. It was so disgusting and we were already exhausted. I messaged the lady saying how upset I was, as I had bleached and hoovered my flat for her arrival. Instead of unpacking and putting our feet up, we literally had to scrub shit off the walls. I spent £100 on cleaning products, and a further £80 on a cleaner as my sister had to go home for work.

The lady's response was I can't have everything my way, and that it's my fault she didn't clean? She also said her partner died in the small bedroom and he walks around at night, I will hear his footsteps she said.

I can't settle in the house, I'm exhausted beyond belief, all I have done is clean, my hands are raw from bleach.

The council are aware but there is nothing they can do. There is a skip load of her items on the front garden that she promised to collect Wednesday, it's still there.

OP posts:
DressingPafe · 03/05/2022 10:55

I've done a few exchanges and unfortunately, as awful as it sounds, there's nothing you can do. You might be able to get the council to come and take any rubbish she left behind (in theory she should be billed for this) but they won't do anything else. It does sound horrible and I feel for you. I think all you can hang onto is that you chose the place as it was right for you, and you will get there in terms of making it your own and making it look nice.

Foodbanksshouldbeobsolete · 03/05/2022 10:59

That sounds horrendous I'm so sorry. My house was similar when I moved in and it does put a damper on things originally but over time it becomes your home. Please try to let go of your anger, hurt, disappointment and disgust. Some people are just really filthy and vile. Not worth taking up space rent free in your mind though.

Glitterspy · 03/05/2022 11:01

She’s purposefully winding you up is my first guess. Leaving a house in this state has to be purposeful (thinking about the ponytail and arm, rather than the general dirt/mess) - and as for telling you about the death and the footsteps, who would do that unless they really meant to mess with someone?

Some people just emit bad vibes. This is one of them. Try to push her out of your mind - it’s your house now. Clean up and redecorate as much as you can/can afford. All houses make creaky noises, it’s no more her partner’s ghost than it is mine, so don’t worry about that.

We had a fairly traumatic moving day when we got our new place and I sympathise - it can affect you settling if you let it. New brooms sweep clean remember. Enjoy your new home with your daughter.

Aussiegirl123456 · 03/05/2022 11:02

Please ignore the part about her partner or whatever dying and walking around at night.

She sounds disgusting. I imagine it was horrendous moving in to the filthy house, especially how you cleaned your previous house so well. Just remember you have your dignity, she doesn’t. One day you can look back and hold your head high knowing you were the better person. I’m sure in no time you will have the house looking great and will turn it into a lovely home.

I can’t imagine how upset you must be though. Please try and see if the council can at least collect her rubbish to dispose of. What a nasty person.

stuntbubbles · 03/05/2022 11:05

What a shitshow, I’m sorry. The best revenge is living well. If you’re at all woo, smudge the place with a sage stick (this is quite fun and calming to do if you’re not woo, tbh). Exorcise her and her ghost bit by bit with bleach and living like humans, not animals: gradually reclaim every inch of your home as yours with every bit of filth you banish. You did the right thing by cleaning and hoovering your old place so you have the good karma.

NeededAction · 03/05/2022 11:07

Wow. The person who moved out of your house can’t be a very happy person if that’s how she behaves?!
It must’ve been hideous to deal with, but it sounds like the worst is over, and you can focus on making the house into your lovely home :)

PurassicJark · 03/05/2022 11:13

Does she have children? If so I'd refer her to social services.

steppemum · 03/05/2022 11:17

What a horrible experience OP. To arrive and find a filthy place at the end of an exhausting day. You poor thing.

When we moved into our house, it was basically clean, but it still felt like it wasn't ours, and it wasn't until I had cleaned each room and put our own furniture out and started to make it ours that I began to feel at home.

I think it is normal to feel unsettled and not at home in a new place. I think it takes time to adjust and part of that is needing to make it your own in some way. I ripped some wallpaper off, and I got dh to remove some hideous blinds and a few things like that and it started to feel like we were the owners.

Make it yours, and then really enjoy it, you chose it for a reason (size/place etc) so remember those and build your own life there.

Minimalme · 03/05/2022 11:20

Sounds as though she left the house in the same state she lived in it.

If she can't clean a house up to live in, there was no chance she would do it for an stranger.

It is undoubtedly an awful experience for you you though. I think the Council/housing association should make sure their properties are fit for purpose and take more responsibility.

Justkidding55 · 03/05/2022 11:58

You will settle, but what a horrible experience. I just want to reassure you that even if it’s true about her partner, most houses have had at least one death in it and you wouldn’t even know. When I moved into my house and started decorating we gutted it and built a bathroom. While I was there alone there were these strange smells- cigarettes smells from nowhere, a perfume/laundry smell in the attic room and this awful smell in the new bathroom that wouldn’t go. Called the plumbers, they couldn’t smell it but did a couple of things as a precaution. Still there. Called another plumber to give a second opinion. He was mystified. It was there for a couple of months. One day I felt like I should talk to the house.. I basically introduced myself and told it what works I was doing and why, and that I love the house and planned to be there a long time so please help me look after it. The smell gradually faded that week and it’s been no trouble since.
make it yours- decorate and love it and plant flowers, sage it, have a housewarming, change the locks, open the windows and doors and put your happy vibes in it. Fill it with your belongings and it will be lovely. Xxx

Justkidding55 · 03/05/2022 12:04

I also have this quote framed because I think it’s lovely x

House of horror
timestheyarechanging · 03/05/2022 12:10

awful behaviour. So sorry for you and your daughter. I've never been in that situation before but I send best wishes and hope the council can help.
However, I bought a house 20 years ago that had been rented out and it was in a dreadful state when we moved in (wasn't when we viewed, 6mths before). Filthy. Took me, my ExH, sister, mum, dad, BIL a whole day to clean it.
I'd left mine clean and tidy.
I'm currently selling and intend to leave it clean and I hope the one we are moving to is too!

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