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AIBU?

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Original poster

Birthday parties and phones (8 year olds)

53 replies

mrsfoof · 03/05/2022 07:46

DN attended a birthday party yesterday. She's in yr 3 so the birthday child was turning 8 - other guests were mainly 7 or 8.
It was an activity party but one where you have to wait your turn rather than 'doing the thing' all the time (I don't want to out myself by naming the activity, but think bowling rather than laser tag...)
Out of the 12 kids, 4 brought a phone with them. So naturally, almost ALL the kids gravitated towards the phones and interest was soon lost on the (good) activity in favour of watching videos / playing games on the phones. Even those who still wanted to do the activity got bored as their team mates had to be cajoled into putting the phone away and having their go so the flow was lost.
DSis is really miffed that DN was watching Tiktok videos on other kids' phones at the party (she doesn't have access at home and it never crossed her mind that she might be accessing it at a party) but doesn't blame the host who's child wasn't one of the phone owners and had a hard time trying to get the others to put their phones away.
AIBU to think that you don't send your primary-aged child to a party with their phone?

OP posts:
Ahgoonyegirlye · 04/05/2022 22:34

We had a 12 year old refuse to leave their phone downstairs on a sleepover at ours. Point blank. Other kids left theirs as asked. I turned off the internet and that kid hasn’t been back since.

Ahgoonyegirlye · 04/05/2022 22:35

And no he doesn’t have issues or anxiety or any other reason to have his phone other than being a spoiled little sh&t

musicalfrog · 04/05/2022 22:35

Completely support your stance @FrangipaniBlue if they don't like it they don't have to come and stay again.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/05/2022 22:38

FrangipaniBlue · 04/05/2022 22:26

We shall have to disagree @OnlyFoolsnMothers - my house my rules.

At age 10/11 there is absolutely no reason on this earth for phones to be in the bedroom overnight.

I think with a sleepover it’s different, but it’s a statement to be made to the parents at drop off or beforehand. At a 2hr or so party to take a child’s property off them without the adult knowing- nope.
fyi I wouldn’t let my young child take a mobile to a party.

Eucalyptusbee · 04/05/2022 22:44

Take the phones off them

If they don't like it then they don't need to come again

No interest in phones being part of the dynamic and don't need friends like that in primary school

musicalfrog · 05/05/2022 00:16

Yep, you just know the ones who bring phones are the ones who are the big 'I am' and who want to dominate proceedings (take the shine off the birthday boy/ girl) as host I would not be having that!

GarlandsinGreece · 05/05/2022 00:20

I have two boys, 8 and 10, and don’t know any ten-year-olds with a phone, never mind eight-year-olds. Madness.

MoHunter · 05/05/2022 00:34

That's awful. Can't imagine why anyone would give their child their own phone at that age - my eldest will be 8 this year and has said someone in their class (7 yo) already has their own phone. I'm holding off for as long as possible but seems they get them younger and younger now... 😐

PolynesianParadise · 05/05/2022 00:38

Your sister could have just told the kid, no phones at parties, I'll put it away till the end.

Solved.

PolynesianParadise · 05/05/2022 00:39

Very very bad manners to be on a phone at a social event. Kids need to be taught that. And it takes a village.

Fizzyfish · 05/05/2022 01:26

Find this very sad 😔

Original poster
mrsfoof · 05/05/2022 18:48

FrangipaniBlue · 04/05/2022 22:26

We shall have to disagree @OnlyFoolsnMothers - my house my rules.

At age 10/11 there is absolutely no reason on this earth for phones to be in the bedroom overnight.

I'm with you. I don't want the responsibility of monitoring what children in my care are seeing or doing on others' phones. There is no need for it.
I make it clear that the children can come to me at any time of day or night if they want to call / message their parents for any reason. I think that's quite reasonable.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsfoof · 05/05/2022 18:50

PolynesianParadise · 05/05/2022 00:38

Your sister could have just told the kid, no phones at parties, I'll put it away till the end.

Solved.

My sister wasn't the host. It was her kid who was attending the party. And unfortunately several of the children had a phone.

OP posts:
WindyKnickers · 05/05/2022 18:57

So I agree that there's no need for kids to have phones out at parties, it spoils the fun and they should be put away. But you have absolutely no authority to take another person's belongings away from them, no matter how young they are, assuming it's not a switchblade or a bag of spice.

stillsleeptraining · 05/05/2022 18:59

I saw a 3 year old with a phone at a baby and toddler group today. A smart phone nonetheless. Kept dropping out of his pocket and he was struggling to put it back in (because he's 3!)

stillsleeptraining · 05/05/2022 18:59

Oh and I agree - bonkers and very annoying for the organisers!

Heartofglass12345 · 05/05/2022 20:00

Wow, I've seen a lot of judgement on here but this is awful. My son has a phone to play games on because they are mostly free as opposed to paying £40 for a game for a console. He's also autistic and relies on it for regulating when we're out.
He has 4/5 friends on a WhatsApp group on my phone (he doesn't have a SIM card in his) his friends are 8/9 and all seem to have their own numbers so it can't be that unusual. But then again we're all shit, lazy parents who don't care.

RogueBorg · 09/05/2022 15:33

@Heartofglass12345 I really don't understand why you're taking the criticism of parents who give their children phones with no supervision or restrictions as criticism of you?

I'm talking about children in Y4 who are given phones, with SIMs, that they can use unlocked and uncontrolled, that they load apps onto that are totally inappropriate for them and access content that is adult in nature, distressing, and often sexual. They use these phones to bully each other and access worlds that they are not mature enough to cope with.

None of that applies to you so why try and make it so? It baffles me.

SwimmingIsCool · 09/05/2022 16:17

If I was the parent of the birthday kid, I'd simply ask the others to hand over their phones to me for safekeeping til after the party

SwimmingIsCool · 09/05/2022 16:19

There's all kinds of things kids do at parties that they shouldn't or are not helpful. It's fine for the parents present to stop these behaviours and encourage the kids to focus on the task/games etc . they are there for. That's life! That's kids parties!! **

17caterpillars1mouse · 09/05/2022 16:26

There are children in my dds class in year 1 with phones so this doesn't surprise me, but agree it's depressing

ItsJustASimpleLine · 09/05/2022 16:53

My DD8 went to DNiece9 sleepover and all of her classmates had a phone with them and some had tablets too. They weren't interested in the games set up and wanted to watch tiktok. Thankfully they had an activity booked they had to leave them for and then they had food and a movie before bed.

But it never occurred to me to send DD with a device so she was disappointed. All I took to a sleepover as a kid was a overnight bag and too many sweets!

comealongponds · 09/05/2022 16:57

i know lots of 8 year olds who know tik tok dances, I would hope that they only watch under supervision but I highly doubt all of them do.

i also know some 8 year olds with phones although I don’t know why!

RogueBorg · 09/05/2022 17:01

@comealongponds I guarantee they don't. The naivety from some parents (far too many parents) as to the stuff their very young kids is accessing on line is very very frightening. It's terribly sad for the children.

SeemsSoUnfair · 09/05/2022 17:09

I never understand why parents (either the host or those watching) don't just step in and fix the problem.

Say to the kids with the phones, do they want to bowl or play with their phones, and if they want to bowl they need to put the phones away. If they want to play on their phones a parent takes the phone owner(s) away from the lanes to sit alone and play with them. Tell their parents when they get back it was a shame they were not interested in bowling. Problem solved.

Kids only learn how to behaviour socially when adults show them. Takes a village and all that...