To be pissed off with sister

[Newport1972]

Do d sis is 18 years older than me. So is at a different life stage. Her 2 dc are in their 30s and sorted.
I just feel that whenever we talk she lacks understanding or empathy or even really acknowledges how hard it is now is for young people.
For example Ds got his student finance approved and I expressed horror at the amount of debt he is going to end up with. 15K per year of course and a smaller amount during industry year.
Her response was well I didn't get full grant and in those days you couldn't get credit. Had to work. Well no doubt ds will be working too because his student loan will only just about cover halls fees. At least her tuition was paid for.
We than get the classic reaction to the wrong attacks on baby boomers. You know the classic we didn't destroy the planet as we didn't have single use anything. Than the takeaway coffee nonsense. Yeah like that is going to be enough to save for a house deposit. There was other stuff too but you get the picture.
I do remember interest rates being sky high in the 80s and negative equity was horrendous but I definitely feel getting on the housing ladder is far more difficult now.
So AIBU

None of us love in Wales in case that makes a difference

Just stop talking about these subjects if it causes upset.

Ehy give her an opportunity to spout off?

You're both comparing apples and pears. Life is better now in some ways and worse in others. It's not a competition. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that.

Eh?

Just stop talking to her about your child's finances.

I think it’s rare to find an older person who understands how difficult the financial situation is for young people nowadays. It’s very hard to get people to change their minds about it unfortunately

Eh? Neither of you are wrong.

She isn't doing anything wrong niether are you

You are just getting on each others tits like siblings do

Just avoid annoying conversations

Well Scotland has different rules re Student Finance and didn't know if Wales was the same.
I suppose I am a little over sensitive and yes probably shouldn't discuss it with her but I just feel sad that she can't show empathy for her nephew.
The other rant I got previously was how many more people go to University now and there were definite undercurrents of well anyone can go so it's not such a big thing to get a place.
Won't be discussing it again.

You have the same conversations with people now. Some students work 3 jobs. Some claim their course is too demanding. Some courses actually are too demanding. It's not an age thing.

Lower your expectations of your sister, it frees your mind, trust me on this

Yes good idea

Did you give her empathy when her kids were 18? I know people in my own family who showed no interest in my kids (fair enough) but now they’ve kids they expect me to share their angst. Yours is not the first young person to go to Uni - get over yourself.

You’re both guilty of the same thing.

@Bigboysmademedoit I have always shown interest in her children. I love them to bits. One of her dss also went to University and I definitely showed interest.
In more recent times I have Spent many many hours on the phone also sympathises with her over hie little she see her grandchildren for example.
I wasn't expect the world. Just a O that must be hard or a well done on his offer

Id somebody 18 years older to get some things and not get other things.

@AgentJohnson how I guilty of the same thing?
I have always shown empathy to her once I was old enough to. I may not have been there when she was at University but I have been very supportive over other stuff.

I think as well, some people can never acknowledge that something was hard, or hard won, or offer sympathy. Not an qge thing. My mother is wired in a dont wallow way which sounds wise but she is teflon, nothing negative can get in,her whole mindset is Ignore that it was painful/challenging/sad. Just Game Face, instantly, even twenty seconds after bad news or a setback.

I think acknowledging that something was painful or challenging feels very dangerous to her

It's not a competition. Yes, in some respects life is harder now, in other respects it was harder then, but people just focus on what is affecting them now. Just don't discuss things you might not agree on.

Yet you imply you give the "wrong attacks on baby boomers"

Your word attack
Your term baby boomer

@mudgetastic I said I thought attacks on baby boomers are wrong in the same way as attacks on any generations are. No generations Is responsible for things outside their control. It was actually my sister who mentioned the attack on baby boomers and I have seen it here too.

She said something like the younger generations always attack baby boomers but we never used single use plastic etc etc and don't walk around with big cups of coffee surgically attached
We never had overseas holidays etc. Than went on about not getting a full grant and having to work and not getting credit etc etc.

I didn't bring it up at all. I was just stating it was shock seeing on paper how much debt ds going to have each year of his course.

All I needed was yes that is tough and move on.

You both have some points that are not untrue, people get mired down with emotions and can’t detach from their own personal experiences enough.

I can’t believe you waste your time with your sister talking about things like this, if you disagree.
What’s the point?

Well @HikingforScenery so I was wrong to just drop into conversation that I was surprised to see the amount of debt ds will be in on paper. I wasn't expecting the response I got. Just a o that must be hard and than another subject.
Lesson learnt.

It’s good to have different opinions. Life would be incredibly dull if we all agreed all of the time.

You are at different stages, that’s all.