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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To visit family overseas without DH?

13 replies

FuzzySock · 02/05/2022 22:23

Some of my close family members, including a parent live overseas and I’d like to visit more often. I used to live there and try to go back often but it has been hard the last couple of years, needless to say! Since I have started WFH, I could easily fly over for a week and wfh there and get to spend time with my family and catch up with old friends in the evenings. Since losing a grandparent recently I have also begun to see that I need to go over there more and cherish the time I have with family. But I feel so guilty that DH won’t be going as he’ll be working here and I feel like we should be going
together. I went without him last time and I don’t want to set a precedent of going on these trips without him, even though he said it would be good for me to catch up with family and he’ll come with me during the summer. We’re newlyweds too so maybe that’s part of why I feel bad and I guess I just don’t want to become a couple that live more separate lives. Would you feel bad personally or am I just a sensitive soul? Do you take trips without your other half?

OP posts:

spotcheck · 02/05/2022 22:26

Go.
Seriously. Go
It isn't a holiday, it's going to see your family.

Wouldn't you think it was bonkers if he insisted that you went with him every time he wanted to visit any of his family.
Years fly so quickly- go

gemloving · 02/05/2022 22:26

I used to do this all the time pre kids, now a little less often but still go on my own with or without children.

We don't live separate lives, I just still have my own life, my friends that I've had since primary school + we also speak a different language.

Do what makes you happy.

parietal · 02/05/2022 22:27

i'm currently on a trip without DH. I have often travelled for work & family without him. but I make sure that I travel plenty with him too, and that he gets the vast majority of my holiday time.

DH joins me on about 50% of family visits and that works out just fine.

Apparentlystillchilled · 02/05/2022 22:29

I live in the UK with my British husband and kids. Go home by yourself- it’s totally fine to visit your family without him.

tulips27 · 02/05/2022 22:29

A week isn't much, is it? Lots of people have weeks away in this country and wouldn't think anything of it but I think there is a psychological difference when people go overseas. I would go.

MarmiteCoriander · 02/05/2022 22:33

Depending how long the flight is, could you go for a week and he joins you for a weekend? If you think he would feel he was missing out that is? How does he feel about it? I would think its fine- especially if a short flight and the cost doesn't mean you are both missing out on holidays together.

My family are in a completely different time zone and we normally stay several months. Several times though, I've travelled earlier than DH, sometimes weeks earlier, and its never been an issue.

JamMakingWannaBe · 02/05/2022 22:36

I do this all the time!

My DC are Primary school age and I take them to visit my family in the summer, and DH takes them to visit his in the half term. We do also holidays together as a family and Christmas alternates between the two.

Being married doesn't mean being joined at the hip!

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 02/05/2022 22:39

Used to do it a couple of times a year with DDs when we lived abroad. It meant we could go on holidays to other places when DH was around. I would even go to stay with his parents without him!

Hbh17 · 02/05/2022 22:40

Just go - you're married, not joined at the hip. It is perfectly normal, not to mention civilised, for couples to travel independently of each other. So much depends on work commitments, personal interests, families etc. And lots of people would be delighted not to have to do the duty visit to the in laws!

Notimeforaname · 02/05/2022 22:43

I went without him last time and I don’t want to set a precedent of going on these trips without him, even though he said it would be good for me to catch up with family and he’ll come with me during the summer

You're just making it an issue. You're married..not joined at the hip. Please do things separately and have a life outside of him.

My partner is from another country, he just went home a couple week ago for Easter, he goes about 4 times a year. It's fine. Its his family.

Live your life.

Original poster

FuzzySock · 03/05/2022 12:06

Thanks everyone, you’re right, I think I’ll go for the week! :)

OP posts:

Miri13 · 03/05/2022 12:15

Go, you don’t need your DH with you. My family live in another country and I travel alot of the time without him. He sometimes joins me if he has plans made with my brothers but otherwise it’s just me. It’s good as a couple to do things separately from each other. I agree with your comment about the importance of spends more time with loved ones, especially when they are getting older and time is so important.

SallyWD · 03/05/2022 12:25

I'm married with kids and often go and visit my parents on my own. I also go and have weekends away with friends etc on my own. In my opinion it's really healthy for a couple to do things separately as well as together. Your DH obviously doesn't mind and I assume can occasionally go with you. I say go for it - it's really important to see family and friends.

Flip