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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how does getting signed off work with anxiety work?

27 replies

bankholidayblue · 02/05/2022 21:35

My mental health has been low recently, and I'm in a stressful time at work and feel like I can't cope with it. I have been in contact with my GP and have been prescribed antidepressants but have been told they can take a couple of weeks to start working.

I think I may need to ask to get signed off from work, but I'm worried about doing so. How would I tell my manager? Would I ask for a call to explain it? Would I send them a letter from my GP? Will it negatively impact me getting another job in the future if it's on my reference?

OP posts:
bankholidayblue · 02/05/2022 21:58

Anyone?

OP posts:
notagaim · 02/05/2022 21:59

I spoke to my Gp and explained I wasn't coping (several stressful things going on all at once), he basically said he'd immediately take work out of the equation and wrote a sick note for one month.

I emailed it to my boss, with a note to say I wasn't feeling well and needed some time off. I was actually off for 5 months then returned part time.

HairyScaryMonster · 02/05/2022 22:01

You'd get a fit note from the GP and call in sick however you would normally. Depending on your relationship and your MH, you could call or email your manager to do a handover if needed. All the best, going on ADs was the best thing I ever did.

bankholidayblue · 02/05/2022 22:02

notagaim · 02/05/2022 21:59

I spoke to my Gp and explained I wasn't coping (several stressful things going on all at once), he basically said he'd immediately take work out of the equation and wrote a sick note for one month.

I emailed it to my boss, with a note to say I wasn't feeling well and needed some time off. I was actually off for 5 months then returned part time.

Thank you for replying. May I ask whether you had mentioned to your boss that you were struggling beforehand?

I've not mentioned this to my manager yet (I find it hard to talk about), and I think they would be taken aback to suddenly receive a sick note

OP posts:
SpeedofaSloth · 02/05/2022 22:07

I work in a line management role. If I were to receive a call from a team member in your situation I would probably ask how you are, clear your calendar for the duration of the GP fit note, then think about a work related stress risk assessment and possibly a referral to the occupational health/ employee assistance programme of it seemed helpful and if you wanted it. These would be aimed at trying to sort out the work element of the problem, once you were ready to deal with them. I don't know if this is helpful or not, but these are the practical steps I would take.

Cakeandcoffee93 · 02/05/2022 22:13

Hi Op. big hugs as this was me last month. I took a month off as I needed my meds ip and was struggling with anxiety bad. I love my job but couldn’t cope and needed a breather and wow did it work. I simply told my boss I’m being signed off with anxiety I can’t cope etc mental health. They were so supportive and I checked in once a week to let them know how I was doing etc. your health comes first and your brain is just as important as any other Organ that needs care. Hope you take the respite and don’t worry about work and enjoy the relaxation!

Cakeandcoffee93 · 02/05/2022 22:15

Also I’m lucky I got counselling free with work and also my gp did a seperate assessment and referred me to a psychologist… the counselling check in sessions through work helped alot. Sometimes it’s just could to take a step back and just not think about work .. I used my time off once I got better to get outdoors and do things to help my mental health. You don’t need to explain; it’s quite common at the moment unfortunately/

bankholidayblue · 02/05/2022 22:28

SpeedofaSloth · 02/05/2022 22:07

I work in a line management role. If I were to receive a call from a team member in your situation I would probably ask how you are, clear your calendar for the duration of the GP fit note, then think about a work related stress risk assessment and possibly a referral to the occupational health/ employee assistance programme of it seemed helpful and if you wanted it. These would be aimed at trying to sort out the work element of the problem, once you were ready to deal with them. I don't know if this is helpful or not, but these are the practical steps I would take.

This was really helpful, thank you. Would you have expected your team member to have told you in 1:1s that they were struggling/dealing with mental health difficulties? I worry that my manager will be taken aback and feel confused and disappointed that I didn't tell them sooner

OP posts:
SpeedofaSloth · 02/05/2022 22:36

No, I wouldn't expect them to have told me beforehand. It's up to them what they do and don't share with me, and anyway, if this is your first absence due to mental health issues it's all new to you, it's not reasonable to expect people to have a crystal ball over these things.

AndSoFinally · 03/05/2022 07:33

You don't have to get signed off originally, you can self certify for 7 days. After this you need the GP note. You might find you feel better enough after a week that you don't need a note

MintyMoocow · 03/05/2022 07:40

Thank you, you have literally just reminded me that I have forgotten my pant liner this morning.
Being a Mother is such fun sometimes!

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 03/05/2022 07:41

SpeedofaSloth · 02/05/2022 22:07

I work in a line management role. If I were to receive a call from a team member in your situation I would probably ask how you are, clear your calendar for the duration of the GP fit note, then think about a work related stress risk assessment and possibly a referral to the occupational health/ employee assistance programme of it seemed helpful and if you wanted it. These would be aimed at trying to sort out the work element of the problem, once you were ready to deal with them. I don't know if this is helpful or not, but these are the practical steps I would take.

You sound like a lovely manager. I work in a MH department and most of our managers don't behave like this!

MintyMoocow · 03/05/2022 07:42

Whoops, wrong thread, I do apologise! I was responding to the sneeze one.

bankholidayblue · 03/05/2022 20:44

I've now been signed off work by my GP, I logged in today to work and just spent the morning in tears and struggling to focus.

I have the sick note ready to email my manager but I'm not sure how you go about it - usually to call in sick I just have to send a quick message (my manager is very laid back), but this is obviously more of a serious thing. I'm not sure whether to ask to call them or whether to just message them, explain it and ask if they want the note emailed to them/does it need to go to HR?

OP posts:
cornflakedreams · 03/05/2022 20:51

I think you're building this up into more than it is. (I say that as someone with enduring mental illness who has been signed off with it in the past.)

If you are signed off you still follow the normal sickness absence process for your workplace and then send them a copy of the fit note (you keep the original - it says this on the note instructions).

You don't need to explain or apologise or prostrate yourself - you call in sick as normal but where normally you'd say "I hope to be well enough to return tomorrow" you say "I am signed off until x date and I will forward you a copy of the fit note".

Then you focus on taking care of yourself instead of worrying about work. 💐

cornflakedreams · 03/05/2022 20:52

Copy fit note usually goes directly to HR.

bankholidayblue · 03/05/2022 20:55

cornflakedreams · 03/05/2022 20:51

I think you're building this up into more than it is. (I say that as someone with enduring mental illness who has been signed off with it in the past.)

If you are signed off you still follow the normal sickness absence process for your workplace and then send them a copy of the fit note (you keep the original - it says this on the note instructions).

You don't need to explain or apologise or prostrate yourself - you call in sick as normal but where normally you'd say "I hope to be well enough to return tomorrow" you say "I am signed off until x date and I will forward you a copy of the fit note".

Then you focus on taking care of yourself instead of worrying about work. 💐

Thank you. I think my anxiety is making me overthink this whole situation.

OP posts:
cornflakedreams · 03/05/2022 21:12

That is totally understandable. I hope things start to feel a bit easier for you in the coming weeks.

bankholidayblue · 03/05/2022 21:17

Do you think my colleagues will be told the reason I'm off for two weeks? I'm quite a private person and would rather they didn't know tbh

OP posts:
thecatsthecats · 03/05/2022 21:22

I spoke to my manager, and got myself signed off. Then it was extended, and extended. Then, because it became clear to me that I couldn't return to that workplace to heal an issue caused by that workplace, I negotiated a settlement and left.

I was partially upfront with new employers. I told them that I'd burned out without mentioning the specifics, and took the opportunity to retrain. This was MY test of THEM.

The one thing stress didn't damage was my self esteem. I was and am a fucking fantastic employee that any company would be lucky to have. If a prospective employer didn't respect or recognise that, then that is their issue.

And I did get a new job. And I am retraining.

XmasElf10 · 03/05/2022 21:31

Absolutely no your colleagues should not be told. Your reasons for being off sick are private.

notagaim · 03/05/2022 21:42

I'd had a conversation with my boss, but in more general terms. I knew things weren't right, but I just said I felt like I was failing at everything (being a mum, my job, a wife, a daughter etc), so he might have realised it was coming. I'm now a manager and have done mental health support training and would recognise these symptoms straight away.

bankholidayblue · 04/05/2022 12:28

Just thought I'd update in case anyone is reading this going through a similar situation.

I messaged my manager and sent them my sick note, they were really supportive and have told me not to log back in until the day after my sick note expires, which I'm grateful for as I think having to regularly check in with them over the next 2 weeks would make me feel anxious.

I feel bad though as I have holiday booked just after my sick note ends. I feel guilty like I shouldn't have even more time off/shouldn't be going on holiday if I'm "ill".

OP posts:
FarmGirl78 · 04/05/2022 13:34

Been in your shoes several times. You just have to focus on getting yourself comfortable in 'life' again. So start with the basics. Work has been removed from the equation for the moment so that's a non-issue for now. Don't even think about your annual leave or holidays, that's 5 or 6 weeks down the line and not relevant just now.

This 4 weeks you have off is time to not participate in your normal life, but instead to get yourself "well" again, or take steps towards that goal. So that you're better equiped to deal with life when you do go back to it. (And I'm someone who on my first week signed off was halfway down the first isle in Aldi and just couldn't cope with the enormity of it, and had to just put my half-filled basket down in the middle of the floor and walk home).

Focus on you and be kind to yourself. If all you can manage today is get out of bed and brush your hair that's all you need to do. Tomorrow maybe make sure you have a shower and wear fresh clothes. If you can open the curtains that's a bonus. Make sure you're eating well, its all too easy to sit festering and just eat bags of crisps. Opening the front door and sit on your doorstep if you can't face going outside.

I got to the point where I made myself a time table (because structure helps me so much, even now I'm 'better') of one task to do each day. Mondays I would walk into town, buy an apple at the supermarket, and eat it walking home. Tuesdays I would do washing so I always had clean clothes to wear. Wed I would walk to my Grandparents round the corner.

I'm really glad your GP has signed you off for a month, especially if this is your first (and hopefully last!) bout of poor mental health. Sometimes it's only for 2 weeks, and you might have felt obliged to be fixed and back after that length of time. IME you'll need likely a minimum of 6 weeks off. There's a whole lot of difference between feeling ok sitting on your couch in your own home and feeling ok back at your desk/till/phone.

Just be kind to yourself, appreciate the slow-ness of life now that work isn't part of it and take time to get well again. Focus on you, and focus on now. The rest can wait.

Runworkeatsleeprepeat · 04/05/2022 13:44

bankholidayblue · 02/05/2022 21:35

My mental health has been low recently, and I'm in a stressful time at work and feel like I can't cope with it. I have been in contact with my GP and have been prescribed antidepressants but have been told they can take a couple of weeks to start working.

I think I may need to ask to get signed off from work, but I'm worried about doing so. How would I tell my manager? Would I ask for a call to explain it? Would I send them a letter from my GP? Will it negatively impact me getting another job in the future if it's on my reference?

You don't need to get signed off straightaway you can take a week normally without getting a fit note.
As a line manager I would appreciate a heads up from my team but I know some people don't have that relationship with their manager.
Definitely book an appointment to talk through with your GP.