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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what your 5-10 year plan would be if you were me?

21 replies

Bagoshite · 02/05/2022 21:04

So as of today I've almost certainly split up with my partner, and given the circs I don't think I'll be going back.

So, my life now is all a bit up in the air. I had a 5-10 year plan which was to buy a house with him at the other end of the country, move in together, semi retire...

And now it's all changed. I'm very nearly 50 and wondering what to do with myself. I have adult DC at home, I mainly WFH.

Didn't get a dog because he's not keen and said I'd be a terrible dog owner. We also didn't live together/ get married/ have a child because he wasn't keen on any of that either.

Obviously some of those ships have sailed, but I am thinking of getting a dog now.
Also travelling to my grandmother's birthplace in Europe (she came to the UK as a baby but I've always wanted to visit there, she never got to go back)
And selling my house...

Oh and dyeing my hair. I've always wanted to be proper platinum blonde. Might book myself a hair appointment.

I know I shouldn't make any rash decisions, I'm only a few hours in. But does anyone have any other ideas for the short or longer term?

OP posts:

Egghead68 · 02/05/2022 21:06

I think I would just take some time to recover and not make any decisions about the future at the moment.

Egghead68 · 02/05/2022 21:06

But in the short term a hair appointment sounds like a good idea

StridTheKiller · 02/05/2022 21:20

That all sounds fabulous and you sound excited for your new found freedom. Adventure awaits! 😊

Original poster

Bagoshite · 02/05/2022 22:14

I'm not going to rush into anything. This is more a way to keep my mind busy and also to remind myself it's the end of one chapter but the start of a new one.

OP posts:

Rikitikitardis · 03/05/2022 01:11

How about a new hobby? Is there something new you fancy? A lady I knew took up stained glass painting when she retired. She ended up doing a degree in it in the end! She made lovely pieces of jewellery too.

pistachioicecream · 03/05/2022 01:16

hope you’re ok OP. The hair appointment sounds good but I’d put off making any other big decisions for a while. Definitely wouldn’t get a dog if you have any interest in travelling (or getting out and about much) - having a dog will seriously limit your freedom.

SunaksNutsack · 03/05/2022 01:18

Give yourself some time to adjust, preferably a nice beach or mountain. Somewhere you enjoy being / find relaxing. Maybe your Grandmother’s birthplace is the right place? Seriously I would invest in some time out to think and recharge. And yes, make that hair appointment!

CanIPleaseHaveOne · 03/05/2022 01:22

I was given great advise once - look back on your life and think about what brought you joy that was free. Start there - you could do anything!

I would say do not sell your house though - experiment with your hair etc. Be careful with your finances.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/05/2022 01:41

If you want to travel, and be able to go anywhere, whenever, don't get a dog. They are more restrictive than a baby.

Original poster

Bagoshite · 03/05/2022 07:31

It's a valid point about the dog. I do want to visit my grandmother's birthplace (which is so beautiful). I'll think about a cat instead maybe? Or getting a dog once I've returned. My DC are here, but obviously have their own lives so I can't rely on them always to have the dog for me. I'll give that some more thought.

Am going to book a hair appt this week though 😊

OP posts:

Bywayofanupdate · 03/05/2022 07:35

Hair, then travel, then fog! The dog will tie you down

CheeseBoard2022 · 03/05/2022 07:39

Don't get any animals until you've traveled. A cat will still tie you down unless you have hundreds for a Cattery.

I wouldn't be making any big life choices at the moment. Go visit your grandmothers birth place and get your hair dyed that's enough for now.

PriestessofPing · 03/05/2022 07:40

Definitely start with your hair and travel! Then, when the dust has settled see about a dog.

How is your financial situation? Maybe you could spend a bit of time travelling and trying some new hobbies and then see about moving if you still want to?

carefullycourageous · 03/05/2022 07:40

Don't do anything right now that will limit your options - getting a new pet when in a state of emotional unheaval is a really bad idea.

I would not even be thinking of a 5-10 year plan if I were you, I would be focusing on the next few months.

Take some time to let the emotional dust settle, yes you can go on a nice holiday etc but it is a shock when a relationship ends and you are only on day 1!!!

maddening · 03/05/2022 07:42

No dog, don't sell house yet - unless you want to live in another area of town/county/country

Do do hair
Do book holidays
Do make arrangements with friends for nights out, weekends away etc
Think about what makes you happy and look at related hobbies

JuneOsborne · 03/05/2022 07:43

Short term you seem to have covered.

Longer term. You were planning on moving to the other end of the country. Why? Is moving house something you wanted to do?

Also, the plans for semi retirement. Again, is that what you wanted?

Time to start thinking about what you want and what suits you. Which, if you've been a mother and put the kids first for years and then in a relationship where his wants came first, can be a difficult way to start thinking!

Findingneeemo · 03/05/2022 07:46

If you like dogs you could look at borrow my doggy, some people want to loan them for a daily walk, others for overnights. I’ve looked at it for daily walks as I go for a walk every day and I bet there’s a dog nearby who doesn’t get out as often as it could.

Original poster

Bagoshite · 03/05/2022 07:50

I always plan ahead, it makes me feel better especially in difficult times like now.

The end of this relationship has been coming for 3 years - he was unfaithful to me, I took him back because I believed he wouldn't do it again, and that I was partly at fault. However he is now in contact with her again. I don't know if it goes beyond that, but that's enough of a betrayal for me. I cried many tears 3 years ago. Now I'm mainly angry at him, and disappointed he's thrown it all away. However I'm also glad I didn't waste another 3 years. Thank fuck we'd not bought a house together.

So in truth a lot of the grieving has already been done. This wasn't a bolt from the blue like it was 3 years ago.

But I'll put any animal plans on pause for now. Book my hair and try to plan a holiday to grandmother's birthplace (near Sorrento).

I'll think about hobbies too. Not sure what yet. I'm in no way artistic so that's out. Not sporty or fit either. Probably limits my choices 🤣

OP posts:

mudgetastic · 03/05/2022 08:00

You can become sporty or at least fit

Possibly a good thing

Cyberworrier · 03/05/2022 08:16

Well done you for your positive thinking. Hope you're doing ok. I agree with others don't get a dog if your planning on doing lots of travelling. However, if you are a doggy person, and have always wanted one, I'd make that part of the plan definitely! You could join borrow my doggy and do a bit of part time dog caring, to see how it suits you. And maybe plan for a year of travel and no ties and then getting a dog. I have to say, my dog is my best friend and he travels round the uk with me fine. I have family I can leave him with if necessary- how about your adult children would they be reliable for occasional care? Dog ownership is more work that cat ownership, but it can bring real positives such as guaranteed regular fresh air, meeting people etc...

SunaksNutsack · 03/05/2022 09:05

That sounds ideal. Hobbies wise, just have a go at whatever you think might interest you. I am not arty really but I do creative things anyway because they make me happy.

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