AIBU to ask how many you have?

[coffeewithmilk]

How many friends do you have?

Myself and my husband met in a city where we had a great life and lots of friends. We decided to move back to my hometown to be near my family (his family is in another country) and to be honest we both just feel like we have no friends.
My childhood friends have all gone separate ways and I feel my only really close best friends live back in the city.

We recently had a baby, and I don't know whether being a hermit for the last 2 years has gotten in on us both but my husband just randomly became very upset today and said he is lonely.. which then made me really upset.
Feel really stuck in a rut and don't know what to do.

Is this what life is? Do people really have big groups of friends anymore or are we just the odd ones out?
We are both early 30s

I have everything I've ever wanted, a lovely home, good health, my son, a dog.. but I can't help but feel sad

Like you we were miles from family and friends. We had neighbours, work colleagues, but real friends? Not really. We survived. We socialised but mainly at each others houses.

My hubby died in 2016 so I took a long hard look at the DCs and my life. We had noone really - sold up and moved away from our neighbours. My DD never went back to school, so didn't have friends. My DS (younger) has friends from school. I have old school friends spread across the globe and a small number of work friends I socialise with. I am OK on my own - I'm an extraverted btw - but overall my work is purpose-led, I mostly like myself, so I find I can live with myself - if that makes sense! Ie I can go days or weeks without needing a social conversation.

If you're our in the sticks it's def harder - these last 2 years have tested everyone if us abs many of us just haven't got to the stage of enjoying their own company.

I'm sure there are loads of lovely people out there for you to meet, but they won't come to you. Join a few groups - what are you passionate about? Could you join a family walking or environmental group, for example?

Good luck xxx

I have quite a few friends, maybe about 20, but they are friends for socialising and our relationship is very superficial. Like, they don't really know the real me. I have 1 absolute best friend and three friends I could call day or night and they'd have my back.

Actual friends who I call up and could go and stay with etc.

One I grew up with
Few from university days
One from my time in work
One from child's play group

So six very best friends.

Then I have a few interests which brings me into friendship groups but not close with anyone.

A major fall out with a group of friends, and a bad breakup with a boyfriend, meant I didn't carry forward with me a single friend from school or Uni.
I was so lonely through my 20s it used to physically hurt. We had DH's friends, but I'd cry often about the fact I didn't have any 'old friends' if my own. I was embarrassed and ashamed by it.
At 34 we relocated from a big city to a tiny market town in the middle of nowhere. Not knowing a soul, we threw ourselves wholeheartedly into making local friends. I joined a couple of clubs, went to Meet Up events, swapped numbers with people who I clicked with and so on. DH did the same. I now have a fabulous social life. I've turned down 2 offers of nights out this weekend because I needed a rest from socialising!
OK, I still don't have any 'old friends' and this will always make me feel like a bit of an odd ball, but I hope my new friends will become old friends with time!

I don't think it is unusual as people move more these days. Could you make a plan to do more outside you home either separately or together and meet people. Obviously I don't know what you are interested in but stuff like gym, language group, sports (hockey or netball etc), volunteering for an environment project or charity or whatever?

Why don't you begin going to a class or something together?

Get chatting to neighbours.

Join groups online which do meet ups.

What are your main interests?

I felt like you do a few years ago, I made myself get out and join some groups and make a real effort to meet new people. It was hard because I get a bit nervous meeting groups of new people but it really paid off. My husband ended up with new friends too as we do stuff with my friends partners often.

None.

Local friends to meet for coffee? Maybe 3.

Local friends to just text at the weekend and say "Can I come round for a bit of cheering up?" None.

Friends who live elsewhere and I haven't seen for years, but could still be guaranteed a great time with if we did meet? Probably about 5.

I don't make friends easily. But I am trying. My DH and I are lonely, too, and it's a horrible, horrible feeling.

Why’s he not leaving the house then? If you moved to be close to your family do you not see them? Csn they include you in their social groups? Can you both not get involved in your local community? There is usually someone organising something like May Day or jubilee celebrations etc, plus there should be local clubs he can join, does he like golf, tennis, football, running? Often local pubs do quiz nights or other events. What about your neighbours, can you invite them round?

you both need to make an effort, I mean this gently but you won’t make friends sat at home.

so start thinking through things you can both do, that gets you out there and involved.

Three close friends. Weekly contact but see about every 3 years.

I have four very close friends and a number of other people who I guess are friends/acquaintances. Some of those in the latter group are people who will help me out and vice versa but I know that if they or I move then we'll lose contact and that's just fine.