To wish I could just be normal like everyone else?

[Panda129]

Where to start?
I am late thirties but still get mistaken for 18-21. This is not me boasting and certainly not something to be blessed by. It's embarrassing and I look like a kid. Also get spoken down to by people years younger than me as they assume I am their age or younger.
Physically, I am very weird looking. Big nose, fat cheeks, thin lips, flat chested and lank, thinning hair.
I get told I have a weird voice all the time and people impersonate it also which really upsets me. They say I have a strong brummie accent or west Midlands even though I have never been to any of those places. Just another oddity. I have no friends, partner or kids and haven't been on holiday for years as nobody to go with.
Got made redundant from a much loved job (but in a niche area) over lockdown, I got on well with everyone there and often described as likeable and lovely but now I am in a job I hate and feel I am being bullied. I feel sick at the thought of going in each day. I know there are better roles out there but have yet to find them and can't see myself finding a job which I loved as much as my last one.
Aibu to just wish I could have a normal life like everyone else, look like them and be loved and supported by others the way they are?
Please be kind in the responses.

Also get told I sound like a child or extremely young. It never seems to end these oddities about me. Makes me feel so embarrassed. I wish I could be anyone else but me.

Oh OP, sorry you’re feeling so low about yourself 💐 I agree with previous posters, you sound absolutely lovely.

You say you have chronic health conditions and the medication affects your hair, have you spoken to the GP about this? Maybe there are alternatives? Also, perhaps there could be a medical explanation for the youthful appearance or voice issue. That’s not to say that there’s anything wrong with the way that you are, that's not what I mean at all, just that you might feel better for exploring it and ruling out something like a speech impediment, or getting support with it if appropriate.

Please remember that you are defined my your lovely personality, looks and voice don’t matter to anyone worth being friends with xx

I do wonder if it's maybe a hormone issue or something. Should probably see a doctor and see if they can do tests.
I just feel so ashamed.

Sorry to read how you’re feeling OP♥️

Easier said than done, but please speak to your GP.
Some counselling focusing on self-esteem and confidence may be beneficial.

Also, no job is worth feeling miserable over. I understand you say your previous job was niche, but is there any way you could get in touch with them for any future opportunities? Look for something else to get you out of your current role.
Keep persevering.

If people make fun of your looks/voice it says more about them than you. People who are usually unhappy and bitter with themselves tend to pick up on differences on others in order for them to feel better about themselves.

(There’s no fun in being normal by the way. I wish people’s differences were celebrated instead of being ridiculed. How boring and dull would the world be if we all looked, sounded and acted the same. We are all unique. Your super power is that nobody else is you. I hope you learn to love yourself in time x)

Obviously I don’t know you so could be completely wrong, but it might be worth reading a bit about autism in women to see if it might fit. I’m autistic and can identify with some of the things you’ve written - autistic women also often seem ‘young’ for their age and sometimes might have unusual vocal quirks. I’ve often wished I was ‘normal’.

OP have you considered whether you may be autistic? I hate it when people say that on every thread usually over things that show they have no understanding of autism at all, like someone is behaving like a twat or has no empathy, tropes that have been proved to be wrong.

I am autistic and many of my autistic friends are similar in ways to what you describe: shy, insecure, don't speak just like others do, don't feel they "fit in", and the part that stood out to me the most: that you seem younger to people, and to yourself.

I may be way off the mark but it may be worth looking at how autism presents in women as it's usually very different to in men. Most of my friends were not diagnosed until we were in our 20s or 30s or even later. We spent years feeling like aliens, but now we have each other and self understanding things are waaaay better.

I may be totally off the mark and if so I am sorry. I hope you find some happiness.

Can you simply tell people that you have a slight voice impediment? I bet that would stop most further questions and I bet most people would be very understanding.

If you said that you had a slight speech impediment them it would end up that you would be the one in control of the conversation; you could either shut that line of conversation down by saying that you don't like it when people mention it or you could carry on talking about it.

Autistic and/or hypermobile?

Any sensory issues or particularly bendy?

No one is normal. Be yourself and be proud of it. Practice looking down your nose for the people who say/ask stupid and rude things.

I was thinking exactly the same. I'm autistic and diagnosed in my 40s. We often look younger than our years and speak slightly strangely.

OP I’m sorry you are feeling this way but il tell you a secret, I don’t think most people feel confident with themselves, I spent most of my childhood being bullied for how I looked (quiet, glasses, curly hair, tall, the typical target) and spent my teens and 20s hating myself, hating how I looked, spent hours trying to improve my body, scrutinising my face, never feeling normal or like I fit in ect ect, I’m now in my 30s and still get id’d regularly and I don’t feel overly happy with myself but I honestly think it’s rare not to have insecurities. You are clearly intelligent and kind hearted, and that should be valued more than being just a pretty face, if people don’t like it screw them! Would you consider joining a club, or a gym? I’ve found doing a fitness class regularly is a great way to meet new people.

Hi op, it sounds like you have a big confidence issue. And that's affecting everything.

Many people have weird accents (me included), I'm not from an english speaking country but because I'm fluent and sound like an english speaker I get asked if I'm feom Scotland/ireland/America etc. I don't take it as a criticism, just a point of conversation.

If I had a speech impediment, that's what I would say I had. No biggie.

I never think that people aren't going to like me. Not in an arrogant way but because I am a nice person so presume people like nice people. And when I meet people I always start on the basis that I'm going to like them. I think that is normal.

You sound really lovely. People will definitely like you.

In terms of things that you're conscious of (you're probably being overly critical) but there are so many things that you can do nowadays. My friend has really thin hair which never grows as long as she would like so she wears extensions.

If you really dislike your nose (I don't like mine either, I think it is too big, but when I've pointed it out to friends they say I have a nice nose (I'd much rather have theirs)) you can have rhinoplasty. Or go to a make up person who can show you how to highlight the bits you want etc.

And yes, join clubs, sports, hobbies, activist movements, whatever you're interested in and get to know like minded people and enjoy your life :)

You don't need to try to be like other people. It's totally fine just to be you.

You can get CBT free on the nhs. That might really help with how you feel?