Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A baby name one

33 replies

Cakecakecheese · 02/05/2022 18:44

My partner and I are expecting a boy in August. Partner's sister is expecting a boy in September and his cousin is expecting a boy in October.

You can probably guess where this is going! We were told today by my partner's mum that a certain name is 'off the table' because his cousin has decided on it. This is the name we'd pretty much decided on too. Partner's sister has it as her second choice apparently.

Are we being unreasonable to think that as we probably get to go first then we can go for whatever we like? Or is that a bit selfish? They'd all have different surnames and we barely see the cousin anyway.

OP posts:
Squiff70 · 02/05/2022 19:03

Ouch! Whichever baby is born first gets named first. Nobody has the right to dictate to you what you can and cannot call your child. Your baby, your choice. I'm also expecting a little boy in August! We're quite sure we've decided on a name for him but we're not telling a soul until baby arrives - mainly the 'surprise' element but also because I seriously CANNOT BE ARSED with people saying "oh, I wouldn't call him X! I knew an X and he was a little shit!".

Good luck!

MajorCarolDanvers · 02/05/2022 19:06

No one owns a name. Use what you want

But don't get cross if they use the same name.

PurBal · 02/05/2022 19:07

You can’t own a name and frankly it’s unkind to say “X is off the table”, for all anyone knows you could have picked this out pre conception. I don’t think it matters if there are two in one family. But I now really want to know the name! Both my siblings are expecting boys this summer and we have a 9mo boy but we all have very different tastes in names so this isn’t an issue. I don’t think I’d change my choice anyway.

Kindofcrunchy · 02/05/2022 19:11

Tbh I'd be even more inclined to use the name if I was told it was "off the table" 😂

1000yellowdaisies · 02/05/2022 19:12

If you'd genuinely wanted that name before you heard from partner's mum about the cousin wanted it, and your baby is coming first.... i would use it. But as pp said, be prepared for cousins to still use it. It might be annoying if they will see a lot of each other growing up .... or it might not bother you. Honestly it bugs me when people try to claim names...

AverageJoan · 02/05/2022 19:13

Your situation sounds exactly the same as mine 😂 I am currently pregnant (due Oct), SIL is due August and DPs cousin is due in Sept. SIL knows she's having a boy, cousin's will be a girl and we aren't finding out until baby arrives. But we know we love one particular boys name, it's the only one we've both liked and we will be absolutely gutted if SIL chooses it. That said, we aren't telling them what the name is or telling them it's 'off the table' because their baby will be here first and they can name him whatever they please and while we'll be gutted, we will just have to agree on something else if they choose it. Our name is quite unusual so I would be surprised if they picked it but not so unusual that it is an impossibility 😂

Original poster
Cakecakecheese · 02/05/2022 19:13

Squiff70 · 02/05/2022 19:03

Ouch! Whichever baby is born first gets named first. Nobody has the right to dictate to you what you can and cannot call your child. Your baby, your choice. I'm also expecting a little boy in August! We're quite sure we've decided on a name for him but we're not telling a soul until baby arrives - mainly the 'surprise' element but also because I seriously CANNOT BE ARSED with people saying "oh, I wouldn't call him X! I knew an X and he was a little shit!".

Good luck!

@Squiff70 Yes! This is exactly why we hadn't announced a name, we didn't want the comments.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cakecakecheese · 02/05/2022 19:14

Kindofcrunchy · 02/05/2022 19:11

Tbh I'd be even more inclined to use the name if I was told it was "off the table" 😂

That has made me more attached to it 😂

OP posts:
Botoxbotox · 02/05/2022 19:14

Use what you want, but if they specified it first they'll think you "stole" it.
It's not like they've bagged it for an abstract concept baby that's yet to be conceived, their baby is due in a few months.
If I was them I'd be a bit 🤔

Original poster
Cakecakecheese · 02/05/2022 19:17

Oh I wouldn't care if the cousin still uses the name, I absolutely wouldn't expect her to change it if that's what her and her husband are set on. It just might be a bit confusing for the baby's great grandmother!

OP posts:
Original poster
Cakecakecheese · 02/05/2022 19:21

Botoxbotox · 02/05/2022 19:14

Use what you want, but if they specified it first they'll think you "stole" it.
It's not like they've bagged it for an abstract concept baby that's yet to be conceived, their baby is due in a few months.
If I was them I'd be a bit 🤔

It's their grandfather's name so that's why they all want it.

OP posts:
CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 02/05/2022 19:22

Botoxbotox · 02/05/2022 19:14

Use what you want, but if they specified it first they'll think you "stole" it.
It's not like they've bagged it for an abstract concept baby that's yet to be conceived, their baby is due in a few months.
If I was them I'd be a bit 🤔

If you were a bit 🤔 in this situation you'd need to give your head a wobble.

While they can announce the name they've chosen wherever and however they like, they can't then dictate that no one else can use the name (in fairness they might not have done this might just be OP mum...)

I suspect though that the name is pretty common and they've done this because they know 2 relatives are expecting boys before them and are hoping they won't choose it themselves now!

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 02/05/2022 19:24

Cakecakecheese · 02/05/2022 19:21

It's their grandfather's name so that's why they all want it.

Show quote history

Cross posted... Then they've DEFINITELY done this in the hope the 2 of you expecting boys before them won't choose it yourselves now!

Original poster
Cakecakecheese · 02/05/2022 19:24

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 02/05/2022 19:22

If you were a bit 🤔 in this situation you'd need to give your head a wobble.

While they can announce the name they've chosen wherever and however they like, they can't then dictate that no one else can use the name (in fairness they might not have done this might just be OP mum...)

I suspect though that the name is pretty common and they've done this because they know 2 relatives are expecting boys before them and are hoping they won't choose it themselves now!

Show quote history

Spot on, it's their late grandfather's name so the cousin probably wanted to get in first.

OP posts:
AuntTwacky · 02/05/2022 19:26

Cakecakecheese · 02/05/2022 18:44

My partner and I are expecting a boy in August. Partner's sister is expecting a boy in September and his cousin is expecting a boy in October.

You can probably guess where this is going! We were told today by my partner's mum that a certain name is 'off the table' because his cousin has decided on it. This is the name we'd pretty much decided on too. Partner's sister has it as her second choice apparently.

Are we being unreasonable to think that as we probably get to go first then we can go for whatever we like? Or is that a bit selfish? They'd all have different surnames and we barely see the cousin anyway.

Absolutely go for whatever name you like don't let them tell you what to do!

Original poster
Cakecakecheese · 02/05/2022 19:26

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 02/05/2022 19:24

Cross posted... Then they've DEFINITELY done this in the hope the 2 of you expecting boys before them won't choose it yourselves now!

Show quote history

And now I cross posted with you 😂 yep I think that's it.

OP posts:
Springdaisy · 02/05/2022 19:27

Well of course you can use it. It just makes you look like a bit of a d*ck. Someone from the family announces their chosen name and you go and pick that name first? I wouldnt be impressed if i was your cousin and i would think youre ridiculous if i was another family member tbh.

KatherineofGaunt · 02/05/2022 19:31

Just use it, if you want. I have a cousin who's 3 kids all have names that are already in the family. But the children named first have different surnames to my cousin's kids, and the chance of the children being in the same room is slim, so it's fine.

Especially if it's a name that has significance in the family. They can both be called it!

Original poster
Cakecakecheese · 02/05/2022 19:32

Springdaisy · 02/05/2022 19:27

Well of course you can use it. It just makes you look like a bit of a d*ck. Someone from the family announces their chosen name and you go and pick that name first? I wouldnt be impressed if i was your cousin and i would think youre ridiculous if i was another family member tbh.

We picked this name months ago why did we need to annouce it? We weren't to know my partner's cousin would get pregnant. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Literally as soon as she said she was pregnant we were supposed to bagsy the name?

OP posts:
AverageJoan · 02/05/2022 19:34

Springdaisy · 02/05/2022 19:27

Well of course you can use it. It just makes you look like a bit of a d*ck. Someone from the family announces their chosen name and you go and pick that name first? I wouldnt be impressed if i was your cousin and i would think youre ridiculous if i was another family member tbh.

This is a ridiculous comment. You can't just go around 'bagsying' names.

RowanAlong · 02/05/2022 19:52

Is there a different shortening/version if the name that you like as much? Could he be Will or Billy rather than William, for example? I can see why you are annoyed, but I’d think about how you’ll feel if the cousin then names her baby the same. What about finding another fantastic name, and using grandfather’s name for the middle name, for the sake of family harmony, taking moral high-ground, etc? There are loads of other brilliant names out there. What about your own grandfathers’ names?

Whatsmyname100 · 02/05/2022 19:52

Given that all 3 of you chose the name, do you really want a name so common? If 3 of you chose it you can imagine that many others did too. I would personally have changed it if I heard everyone else was planning on the same name.

KatherineofGaunt · 02/05/2022 20:00

Whatsmyname100 · 02/05/2022 19:52

Given that all 3 of you chose the name, do you really want a name so common? If 3 of you chose it you can imagine that many others did too. I would personally have changed it if I heard everyone else was planning on the same name.

They all chose it because it's the grandfather's name.

Original poster
Cakecakecheese · 02/05/2022 20:05

Oh it's a very common name but I don't care. I personally don't like unusual names. Also there's certain names that just don't go with the surname so that reduces our choice a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cakecakecheese · 02/05/2022 20:08

RowanAlong · 02/05/2022 19:52

Is there a different shortening/version if the name that you like as much? Could he be Will or Billy rather than William, for example? I can see why you are annoyed, but I’d think about how you’ll feel if the cousin then names her baby the same. What about finding another fantastic name, and using grandfather’s name for the middle name, for the sake of family harmony, taking moral high-ground, etc? There are loads of other brilliant names out there. What about your own grandfathers’ names?

The middle name will be my dad's name. My grandfathers names don't fit with that middle name and the surname. His other granddad's name is an option but I really liked this name. It was always our first choice before I even got pregnant. Unfortunately we had IVF and some losses otherwise we'd have possibly have been able to grab the name years ago!

OP posts: