To ask how I say no; nicely?

[TakeYourFinalPosition]

I'll start by saying that I have bipolar & PTSD, and neither are in a particularly good place right now. I've also got a baby.

There are a couple of people who are pretty bad at triggering poor mental health episodes, that I can't avoid. I try to keep my distance from them usually, but now that I have a baby, they will literally follow me anywhere.

They hound me for the baby. To be polite, they're always allowed a cuddle, but they'll hound me afterwards to have him back. They'll come and just try to take him off me, or start with the "Oh just give him here", "Let us have a last cuddle" type things.

How do I nicely decline? Sometimes I just need to decline, for either/both of our sakes. I am doing my utmost to avoid them, but it's not possible all the time right now.

Just say no?

perhaps they’re just trying to give you a break?

Also, and I say this nicely, are you overreacting a bit?

Ah no it's ok thank you

I'm enjoying my own cuddle with him

Can you just let them hold the baby when you’re with them, to stop the back & forth?

Dripping tap technique OP.

Chose a phrase you're happy to say (that's kind, but no thanks. i'm happy as i am thanks. no we're fine thanks. ah, not now thanks. maybe another time, thanks) and just keep answering with it.

If they're ballsy enough to keep asking then they will just have to take the same reply over and over.

Once you've done it once you'll find it gets easier AND people learn you stick to your guns so stop pressing.

Did you not read what the OP says about being bipolar and having PTSD? Neither of those make it terribly easy to assert boundaries or control your reaction to situations.

"He wants a mummy cuddle right now." And just don't offer him. I found my body to be a far better tool at saying no than my words. I'd say "pass him here now it's nap time." And they'd reply "he's not ready for a nap he's having nana cuddles." But tough shit I'm picking my child up, I'm not even hearing your objections. He's my child.

They're not trying to give me a break. And they constantly give him back - they only want him when he's actively smiling; if they think he might cry or poo, they give him back.

I'm not over-reacting. I don't want to go into the full story - I've posted before under a name change, and I'll just get pages and pages of people telling me to go no contact, and I can't right now, much as I want to.

Thanks @Laiste, that sounds doable! I don't want to cause offence, it'll make my life a lot harder, but I want to stop the "pass the parcel". It upsets the baby, and me. And they've started to wait until they're holding him to say things that are deliberately upsetting or critical because there's nothing I can do at that point, so I want to nip it in the bud.

Letting them hold him sometimes is the best compromise that I'm capable of right now.

Thank you. Genuinely.

Can you get someone to help fight your corner? An ally in the group?

I like this. Have a quiet word with someone you know will help to reinforce your wishes if you don’t feel comfortable doing it yourself.

You wont cause offence OP

You might cause irritation because they're not getting their way, but you have stood up for yourself and your baby and that's what good parenting is all about!

I hate confrontation or awkwardness and found that having children forces you to face it and do the right thing. Makes you stronger.

You might not feel brave enough to advocate for yourself and I really do understand that, but you absolutely must advocate for your baby, you're all the voice he has.
Simply say, 'he is settled now so I'll leave him where he is' and 'he's happy where he is, thank you though' or 'he's fine thank you' and repeat. Make it about him not you.

Is it MIL? They seem to be especially triggering once you’ve had a baby.

Are these visitors or are they people you literally can't avoid (e.g. because you live with them or you're in a mother and baby unit or other inpatient facility)? I'm just wondering if there's anyone else in your life who could support you or back you up at these times?

MIL...

the above suggestions are fab and I totally get it because I had a bit of trouble myself with the pass the baby around constantly expectation. I would add, that saying no politely then rapidly changing the subject might make you feel less uncomfortable and also put them off asking again as the conversation as moved on. It’s a pain though. I know people mean well but babies are not show ponies or toys!

Oh I had this… I’d say “ah, he’s getting tired…” and put my arms out for him and my mums response would be “don’t be silly, no he’s not, he’s happy”. I held my tongue and 5 minutes later he was bawling, and I said “he may have been happy, but that doesn’t change the fact he was also tired”. I never let it happen again.

I agree with PP, and I like these suggestions he is settled now so I'll leave him where he is' and 'he's happy where he is, thank you though'

" Sorry, no cuddles today. He didn't sleep very well last night."

I struggled with this with regards to babies! I started to say "he's ok here thank you though/ not at the moment thank you though" with a smile when people tried to take them, and if they kept on I would repeat and then say oh you couldn't do me a favour though could you and pass me my drink/change the channel/let the dog out the back door/stick the kettle on to try to divert them. It worked out well.

Try using a sling. It's much easier to say no, he's settled and they can't take him out of your arms.