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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to be resentful on my neighbour

18 replies

Chocolatethief · 02/05/2022 17:53

I feel like a horrible person but I'm feeling really resentful and annoyed with my neighbour, she doesn't work so doesn't have that much money and she comes round to mine so much and wants to have a shower, use my stuff and things like that and it's making me really annoyed because obviously things like the shower then costs me more money (I am on pip and esa). I have mental health problems and I am not good at speaking up for myself because it causes me so much anxiety which results in me being taken advantage off quite a bit.

When she come round she complains all the time about her life but makes no effort to change it and I have tried to help but she doesn't seem to want to, she just wants to complain. It has resulted in me ending to feeling anxious in my flat all the time and I can't relax. If I am struggling she always makes it about her so if I'm stressed about money I can't say anything because she talks about the debt she is in but then doesn't pay any of her bills and just ignores all the letters.

I feel really bad because I know she doesn't have much money and because I can't work I get more than her and she needs things like a shower. She also makes comments about how she wishes she had carers like me to help her with tidying when I would do anything to be able to manage without them and be able to work.

It's causing my mental health to get worse

Sorry for the long post and I don't know if it makes sense I'm quite emotional at the moment

AIBU?

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 02/05/2022 17:59

If you can't manage to speak to her, you need a different solution. What if you put a note on your door that says "Do not knock. No visitors, please", or something to that effect. If she calls/texts, you can say what you need to through a text. You can't afford for her to shower at yours, and you are needing space from visitors. After that, do not respond to her. Hopefully, she will get the message.

If you want things to change, you are going to have to be proactive.

ManateeFair · 02/05/2022 17:59

She is, very obviously, massively taking advantage of you. She knows your mental health makes you vulnerable and that, unlike the rest of neighbours, you’re too nervous to say no to her.

It is not remotely normal to go to a neighbour’s house for a shower. She’s doing it because it saves her money on her energy bills.

If you really can’t cope with saying no to her, is there anyone else who can speak for you? At the very least, stop answering the door when she knocks.

Wouldntitbenicetobeinyourshoes · 02/05/2022 18:00

Stop letting her in. She isn’t a friend, she’s a user after the free use of your facilities by the sounds of it.

PurassicJark · 02/05/2022 18:02

When she knocks, ignore it and pretend you are out. Everytime. It's her problem, not yours.

ilovesooty · 02/05/2022 18:04

She's taking advantage of you. Can your carers advocate for you?

Justcallmebebes · 02/05/2022 18:09

I second letting your carers advocate for you. This is not a friend, it's someone taking advantage because she knows she can. Good luck x

lunar1 · 02/05/2022 18:09

She is really taking advantage, you need to stop letting her in. Do you have someone who can help support you if you are struggling with her?

DontbesuchanarseGlenda · 02/05/2022 18:11

She’s taking advantage of your kind nature. She will not stop so you have to make the change, uncomfortable as it may be for you. If you can’t face the conversation is there anyone who can do it for you? If not, not answering the door for a while may work. Good luck and please don’t let her make you feel bad in your own home.

SmileyClare · 02/05/2022 18:14

I would confide in your carer and ask them to either speak to her or write a letter.

They can explain you are struggling with mental health issues and feel her visiting you and using your facilities is too much for you to cope with.

You need someone to speak up for you. It's likely your neighbour has issues herself and although it's fine to feel sympathetic, you can't sacrifice your own health trying to help.

It's ok to be a bit selfish in situations like this x

Original poster

Chocolatethief · 02/05/2022 18:16

My carers could possibly help I find it hard telling people about stuff like this because I feel ashamed but it obviously needs to stop especially because it's getting to the point I will just say it how it is without trying to be nice and I don't want to do that it's not nice.

I have tried not answering the door but it's hard because where I normally am can be seen from the door if someone looks the letterbox (yes that's gets done) and she knocks really loudly that also sets off my anxiety but I think I just need to pull up my big girl pants and get this over with.

OP posts:

SmileyClare · 02/05/2022 18:25

No need to feel ashamed. Your neighbour is becoming a nuisance by continually coming round, banging the door and peering through the letter box if you don't wish to answer the door, essentially forcing herself on you.

That's very intrusive. Your home should be your safe haven. It sounds awful.

chisanunian · 02/05/2022 18:29

If you find it difficult to talk to your carer about what's happening, you could maybe write them a note, or even show them this thread and ask them to read it.

There is no shame in needing to ask for help and support. We all need it from time to time throughout or lives.

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 02/05/2022 18:36

You are vulnerable and she is taking advantage of that. It's started with using your resources, and bullying her way into your home in an outrageous way (looking through the letterbox and banging till you open the door).

It's great that you have realised what's going on. With all the hints she's been dropping, next thing is that she'll be getting money from you. Or is she already?

What she is doing makes my blood boil. Please tell your carers and any other professionals you have contact with and ask for help. There's nothing for you to feel embarrassed about.

Cherrysoup · 02/05/2022 18:39

Don’t worry if she sees you, just tell her you don’t want her coming in. You can be brave behind the door. She can’t get in.

Original poster

Chocolatethief · 02/05/2022 18:45

No money thankfully and I am getting better at saying no with that thankfully after being taken advantage of with money 4 times and i know that if I was and my best friend found out who I tell everything to anyway she would take it upon herself to put a stop to that, she has done before and is also the reason why I can now say to people borrowing money. I will speak to my carer tomorrow as I should have the one that I am the closest to and as long as the weather is nice we will probably go for a walk which will make it easier to talk.

OP posts:

HanSB · 02/05/2022 18:45

It doesn't sound like it will be easily done as she's quite a pushy character but once you will feel much better if she doesn't encroach on your personal space. Do it for your mental health. Ask for help from your carers to make your case and stand your ground against her as she is taking advantage of you and affecting your emotional and mental well-being.

springtimeishereagain · 02/05/2022 18:54

You could write FUCK OFF, DORIS in big letters on a price of paper and sellotape it inside the letterbox so she sees it when she peers in...

Agree with the others. She's taking advantage, the cheeky cow. Just say no. Text her no, if that's easier. Time for your big girl pants!

StrongTea · 02/05/2022 19:01

Get a cover for the inside of your letterbox so she can’t see in. Hope you get this sorted out.

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