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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I ask for my photographs?

21 replies

Pictureperfect10 · 02/05/2022 12:55

how do I handle this? WWYD

I was dating a photographer and he asked me as a favour if I would do a couple of photographs for his friends business - sportswear / NOTHING seedy just modelling the tops (long sleeved).

He knew I had done some modelling before and I was happy to oblige as I meant I could meet some of his friends and have a date with him afterwards.

Anyway - he messaged me the next day after this date about not wanting to see me again. No real reason - just was not feeling it I think. These things happen.

BUT Do I ask for the pictures back? I do not want to make an excuse to reach out to him again - as I want to respect the fact he called it off and leave him to it. But he has pictures floating around of me wearing a sports top 😂 Mind you, its similar to an ex having photos of you in their iphone - I guess you would not message to ask them to delete them.

YANBU - to feel the situation is a bit weird but ask what he will do with the photographs / Can I get them back?
YABU - leave him to it and just forget about it

OP posts:
WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 02/05/2022 12:58

I think I would just leave it tbh.

You don't need the photos for anything, they are appropriate and you were happy to have them taken.

It wouldn't be worth kicking up a fuss about.

Original poster
Pictureperfect10 · 02/05/2022 12:59

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 02/05/2022 12:58

I think I would just leave it tbh.

You don't need the photos for anything, they are appropriate and you were happy to have them taken.

It wouldn't be worth kicking up a fuss about.

My instinct too.
I have also been in the position of not feeling a date in the early stages and there is nothing worse than them contacting you for any reason.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 02/05/2022 13:00

I would just leave it also.

AgentProvocateur · 02/05/2022 13:02

They’re not yours to “get back”. The ownership remains with a he photographer, so you’re best just to move on, as you’re doing.

Original poster
Pictureperfect10 · 02/05/2022 13:03

AgentProvocateur · 02/05/2022 13:02

They’re not yours to “get back”. The ownership remains with a he photographer, so you’re best just to move on, as you’re doing.

Agree - and he probably did not think we would end up not parting ways amicably

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 02/05/2022 13:04

Agree with pp, you do not own the photos.

PurBal · 02/05/2022 13:08

Surely the photos belong to him as the photographer. Did you sign a model release? So long as you didn’t I don’t think he can use them for anything.

ApolloandDaphne · 02/05/2022 13:08

They are not your photos, they are his. I would just leave it.

Original poster
Pictureperfect10 · 02/05/2022 13:09

PurBal · 02/05/2022 13:08

Surely the photos belong to him as the photographer. Did you sign a model release? So long as you didn’t I don’t think he can use them for anything.

Did not sign anything but obviously verbally agreed

OP posts:
Original poster
Pictureperfect10 · 02/05/2022 13:12

He asked me if I wanted paid for the job and I said No. So travelled to his and done it for free. Of note I really doubt any if it has been premeditated and I do not think he suspected our dating would have taken a turn around so quickly - so I think he probably feels a bit awkward too.

OP posts:
Assistanttotheregionalmanager · 02/05/2022 13:12

I’d just contact and ask the intention. Seems strange he’d end things straight afterwards

OnoNotagain · 02/05/2022 13:12

They were never yours to begin with, so you won't be "getting them back". The copyright belongs to the photographer, who may (or may not) share them with you if he choses.

However, did you sign a model release form before having them taken, to state that you are happy for your likeness to be used for commercial purposes? You may have some rights, under the GDPR regulations, if they are used for commercial gain, as in the guy uses them to advertise the clothing you were wearing. If your now ex bf is a pro photographer, he should know this.

Someone may come along who has better knowledge of the rules who can advise.

Original poster
Pictureperfect10 · 02/05/2022 13:13

Assistanttotheregionalmanager · 02/05/2022 13:12

I’d just contact and ask the intention. Seems strange he’d end things straight afterwards

See PP - I doubt it. He is fairly professional, well established ans good reputation. I just think something changed for him during that date / next morning so he let me know he was not feeling it the same.

Maybe he reviewed the photographs and felt he did not fancy me. 😂

OP posts:
OnoNotagain · 02/05/2022 13:13

Sorry, cross posted with previous poster.

Original poster
Pictureperfect10 · 02/05/2022 13:16

OnoNotagain · 02/05/2022 13:12

They were never yours to begin with, so you won't be "getting them back". The copyright belongs to the photographer, who may (or may not) share them with you if he choses.

However, did you sign a model release form before having them taken, to state that you are happy for your likeness to be used for commercial purposes? You may have some rights, under the GDPR regulations, if they are used for commercial gain, as in the guy uses them to advertise the clothing you were wearing. If your now ex bf is a pro photographer, he should know this.

Someone may come along who has better knowledge of the rules who can advise.

I do agree.

It just feels a bit awkward 🙈

OP posts:
ChateauMargaux · 02/05/2022 13:28

I think that I would ask him not to use the photos. It seems strange that he would take these photos and then the next day, say that he no longer wishes to see you.

Don't try to explain, excuse or otherwise.

Dear Photographer, on reflection, I no longer feel comfortable having my image associated with the business of your friend. I do not wish to explain or discuss further but I do need to accept this as revoking permission for my image to be used by you or anyone associated with you or your friend's business. I will be grateful if you will act in a professional manager in this respect.

WeddingShedding · 02/05/2022 13:30

Did he ask you out to get a free model for a shoot???

Blaze1886 · 02/05/2022 13:35

Sounds like he wanted a free model for a shoot

Strange he ended things straight after

Original poster
Pictureperfect10 · 02/05/2022 13:36

WeddingShedding · 02/05/2022 13:30

Did he ask you out to get a free model for a shoot???

Nah - it just happened that way I think. The shoot came about as he had it planned for weeks and the other models had cancelled quite late.

maybe I am being naive?

the whole situation does feel a bit weird though. We had been messaging normally the whole of the next day and he basically did a 180 by the end of the day. As I say maybe reviewed the photos and thought I looked like a goat.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pictureperfect10 · 02/05/2022 13:52

ChateauMargaux · 02/05/2022 13:28

I think that I would ask him not to use the photos. It seems strange that he would take these photos and then the next day, say that he no longer wishes to see you.

Don't try to explain, excuse or otherwise.

Dear Photographer, on reflection, I no longer feel comfortable having my image associated with the business of your friend. I do not wish to explain or discuss further but I do need to accept this as revoking permission for my image to be used by you or anyone associated with you or your friend's business. I will be grateful if you will act in a professional manager in this respect.

I do know what you mean.

maybe I am being naive?
i am trying to think if it was the other way around. I probably would have messaged them to ask if it was still ok to use the photographs and sorry things took a turn with dating?

i mean if he does I will say yes no problem - but it has been radio silence since our last weird conversation with no further discussion regarding the photoshoot?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pictureperfect10 · 03/05/2022 09:27

He has been in touch and asked if I want photographs - I said totally fine just use them for the job.

he said i have to sign form? So thats the model form people were talking about. All sorted, decent outcome from him. 🙏🏻❤️

OP posts:
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