Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dating question

6 replies

Lorzzz · 02/05/2022 12:55

Hi everyone can I get some advice please as I don’t want to ruin a relationship I’m in at the moment if I am being unreasonable. I haven’t dated in 20 years as I was married but recently separating. We had been living together but living separate lives for almost a year. During this time I don’t know if he dated or not and I really had no interest in dating until an ex from all that time ago got back in touch. We just talked for a long time and then met up and next thing we’re dating. I didn’t throw it in my “husbands” face Or never told my children about it. I have a daughter of 17 and a son aged 12. My ex and I could never make it work all those years back because he had an awful lot of issues from childhood and so couldn’t commit to any relationship. He has since dealt with all that in therapy. We always had a brilliant time together though and got on really well. This hadn’t changed when we met up again. Everything was lovely until he decided he wanted more and he wanted us to be together full time and not have me living with my husband even as “friends” so I set about making the separation legal and final. Everything with my new partner was fantastic and still is to be honest. He is kind and so affectionate and loving towards me which is something I never got from my ex husband. We are all still only in our early 40s though and lately my new partner has been cancelling seeing me so he can go out with his friends!!! 3 times it has happened now. We don’t get to see one another a lot at the moment as ex husband is being very hard to deal with regarding the house and children etc so I would have thought any chance we had to spend together my partner would take it. If I get angry over him cancelling on me he gets depressed and doesn’t sleep for the whole night and acts as if I’ve ruined his life! I’m absolutely baffled as to what to do. AIBU in getting angry at him or is this what dating is like now? Should I just accept it and understand from his point of view that he needs to have a life while waiting for me to be able to be with him full time. He’s dating changed that much? I don’t want to lose him but I dont want to be treated like a mug either especially with what I’m going through at the moment. I just expected him to support me better maybe. Thanks for reading xx

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 02/05/2022 13:06

Hes treating you like mug when making plans with you and then cancelling coz hes had a better offer.

Theres a reason you were ex's the first time around... there's more to see and do out there...

Lorzzz · 02/05/2022 15:14

I was thinking same thing just didn’t want to admit it to myself after all I’ve been through lately for him

OP posts:
Cakecakecheese · 02/05/2022 15:23

You can do better, if someone really wants to see you they well. Don't be anyone's back up or second choice.

Lorzzz · 02/05/2022 15:34

Thank you. Really hard to hear and breaks my heart to know it’s the truth but I know you’re right. Just feel like such a fool but probably better to know now rather than later.

OP posts:
seensome · 02/05/2022 15:41

Cancelling multiple times isn't on, he should be more organised to see his friends. I wouldn't put up with that. Maybe he hasn't changed much after all and still non committal, that's what it seems.

It shouldn't have to just be you pleasing him, if he wants this relationship to work, he would be putting in the effort.

Lorzzz · 02/05/2022 15:52

He has though that’s what makes it so confusing. Apart from those times he is fantastic and has never let me down but those 3 times have happened in the last couple of months so I’m afraid after causing so much unrest in the home lately and all for him that I’m making a huge mistake. Other than those times though and it’s been about 6 months since we started dating again, he’s been fantastic to me otherwise. I haven’t done this in so long I don’t want to ruin something if it could be really good when we can actually be out in the open together

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread