To have not answered the door...

[dumbledory]

Bit of backstory, without being too outing...

We were close friends - very close, but things fizzled out due to a number of reasons and the last I heard from them was over two years ago when I was being thanked for birthday gift I had sent them.

I heard nothing since then and had made a conscious decision not to chase anymore, as it felt clear that I was the one keeping the friendship going and the negatives (low level constant criticism on their part, not supporting me through a difficult personal issue, despite always being there for them etc.) were beginning to outweigh the positives.

As expected, the friendship ended and I was both heartbroken and relieved and in time, I realised that whilst it had it's good moments, I was happier overall to be out of the friendship. I moved on, or so I thought!

Fast forward to tonight and out of the blue they showed up at my front door and it completely threw me.

I didn't answer the door, because frankly I was on the brink of having a panic attack, which to me is a pretty good indicator that it was a door best left closed.

But now I'm second guessing myself. What if it had been an emergency? Although, my phone number hasn't changed...they could have called...

Anyways...putting it out there...

WIBU to not answer the door?

What would you have done?

I would have thought that it's fairly abnormal in the UK to arrive unannounced and uninvited. So YANBU.

No, I would have done the same as you.

I hate people knocking unexpected as well ( mainly due to a messy house ! ) and often having a pj day .
I also feel they are geared up for the visit and are prepared , whereas you are still getting over the inconvenience .

Perhaps they were passing so thought they’d call on the off chance but you’d think they’d at least message first say hi just passing can we call in .
then you’d could say sorry not convenient. I think it’s rude when people turn up unannounced even my mum messages me when calling because she knows I hate that sort of thing but someone I’ve not seen for 2 years god no.
i’d be curious what they wanted though so may drop a breezy message asking how they are see if they message back .

Another one here to say you were absolutely right not to answer the door if it caused you such anxiety. I wouldn't have.

Have you texted to ask what they wanted? Something like "I noticed when I checked my video intercom that you dropped by when I was out last night. Was there something you needed?"

Then you can gauge their intentions

There are all sorts of reasons why you might not answer your door to unexpected/ uninvited callers even when you are in. I've not answered door ok occasion to friends popping round and I have no MH reason not to- couple times as I was in shower/ just out of shower and not dressed, bathing baby or reading to child at bedtime, missy cooking for dinner party, getting ready to go out or already in bed (!!) and once when a good friend popped by on a Saturday afternoon I had nair cream remover on so NO WAY was I answering door like that!!

Just because you are in doesn't mean you are free to answer door..!

I do answer the door sometimes so I'm not adverse to occasional surprise visitor, but I definitely prefer to have a text from friends and family, saying "we are nearby - going to pop by to say hi if you're in"

OP Please Don't feel guilty or that you've been rude, you haven't. Also these are not your friends any more either. They were perfectly able to text you before popping round (uninvited).

I wouldn't chase these friends, as frankly they don't know that you were in. And I wouldn't acknowledge otherwise if I were you.

If they want to contact you they can drop a letter in post, drop a note through your door or text you (like normal people would do before turning up after 2 years of NC... ! )

If you were relieved the friendship ended, you're probably better off without them, now. As PP say, there are many reasons for not answering the door, and if it were a true emergency, why would they come to someone they haven't spoken to in two years? I'd prepare myself for the chance that she may try to make contact again, but I don't think I'd give it much thought, otherwise.

I ended a friendship during lockdown. There is no way I’d want her turning up at the door. I nearly had a heart attack when she sent a Christmas card this year after 18 months of silence. Yanbu.

Only on mumsnet.
It isn't something I do, but I don't have this hatred of anwering the door that nearly everyone on mumsnet seems to have.