To not particularly want my mum in my life anymore

[SuziSecondLaw]

My mum has never seemed to be interested in me. I was a difficult teenager, very obviously screaming out for attention because she gave me none. No hugs, no I love yous, no compliments, no encouragement, no interest in my life, my accomplishments etc etc. And it's the same as an adult.
I see her once every couple of months, either at her house or mine, but we don't have much to say. Few examples of why I feel like I just can't be bothered to make any effort anymore :

I finally bought my first house recently (I'm 36) and was very excited to show it off, and all she could really do was talk about her own new bungalow she was moving into.

For my 21st birthday she bought be a vase for a fiver from sainsburys (this makes me sound entitled, it's not the cost, but I hate flowers.. And this memory sticks with me for some reason.. )

When I got divorced she never once asked how I was, she stayed good friends with my ex husband and invited him for Christmas Dinner that year (and every year after) then couldn't understand why I didn't want to go.

I have three children, she's never made much effort to see them, unless I specifically ask her to babysit (which is extremely rare!). I have a 1 year old, who she's seen maybe twice in the last 6 months.. She's never asked about him or is interested in hearing how he's getting on. I'm so grateful for dps mum who is completely besotted with him and requests almost daily photos.. She's also absolutely lovely to me and I wish I had a mum like that!

I don't think she knows what my job is.. She literally never asks about me at all. I don't really understand why she's had children. My older sister agrees that she's like this, she suspects autism.

I don't know. It just frustrates me. I don't feel like I can be bothered with her anymore. Which feels unkind, but.. What can I do?

Wow I'm glad you obviously have no experience of having a difficult mother. I'm glad for you but please don't judge. Situations like the OP is in are very difficult and hurtful. Unfortunately sometimes the time comes that you have to protect yourself and your children.

Even if she was abused (which I truly hope she wasn't) it doesn't give her the right to treat the OP badly.

Thing is, she's really not a horrible person. I've never heard her raise her voice, she wouldn't say anything mean to anyone ever. It's not that she's evil or something, it's more like she's so incredibly passive.. If that makes sense? Like she doesn't know how to be anything other than neutral. And even as I'm typing this, I'm feeling sorry for her..

Oh do fuck off. If you are so dim you think it was about the vase being cheap you are too ignorant to comment.

OP you are not being unreasonable. I would say that going NC is not an easy choice either, it’s still very painful. There is no pain free easy answer to this, whatever choice you make.

And the things she's done, like the ex for Christmas etc, it's never done in a malicious way, just completely thoughtless. And it's hard to sort it all out in my head, because she's not treated me well, but she's not a bad person. I don't know. It's difficult.

I'm surprised you are even in contact with her.

If you genuinely don't think it is her fault she is like this, then just look after yourself when you see her, limit your expectations of her, know she can't give you what you need but accept its okay anyway.

If it gets too much, have a breather for a while. No one is perfect.

You don't need to judge yourself for feeling sad for yourself and your children because she isn't more loving, and still feel sorry for her. The two are not exclusive.