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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More money or time when raising teens

25 replies

Catcream · 01/05/2022 14:40

Inspired by a recent thread and in the midst of choosing between a job with generous annual leave 6weeks, flexible work and more stability vs a job with higher take home pay

Child approaching teens and not sure what will be more important, more cash to give pocket money, home improvement to give own bedroom, possibly overseas holidays and extra curricular activities or being home more during holidays, after school etc

What would you choose?

Those with older kids, what gave you the best outcome or was more beneficial for your children in transition?

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 01/05/2022 14:43

That's quite a big difference in lifestyle. With the examples you give, I'd go for money. Own bedroom and extra curricular activities are really important for teens imo.

G5000 · 01/05/2022 14:45

If the more flexibility job means teen has no own bedroom and no travel abroad then I would go for more money.

Tinkerblonde1 · 01/05/2022 14:45

I feel like I have loads of time as my teen never wants to see me and is always with her friends. She does always ask for money though. She has her own room already as she is an only child.
So money.

CuddlyCactus · 01/05/2022 14:47

Go for more money.
Teens are expensive!

Original poster
Catcream · 01/05/2022 14:52

Wow did not expect that to be so unanimous about going for the money

OP posts:
PeggyGa · 01/05/2022 14:55

Definitely money so you can afford holidays and days out ti get the fuck away from them whenever you want. It’s invaluable

Original poster
Catcream · 01/05/2022 14:55

Lol so funny 😂

OP posts:
Blanketpolicy · 01/05/2022 15:01

Your choices are very black and white.

Ds would have coasted, not achieved his exam results and uni offers without encouragement, support and some gentle nudging that required at least one parents presence, there were also a couple of teen traumas I was glad I was around to spot and help him navigate. But own room is also important if possible, imo more important than expensive extra curricular or holidays.

Stompythedinosaur · 01/05/2022 15:02

There are obviously boundaries - I wouldn't take the better paid job if it meant not seeing them at all during the week, or working away for longer periods.

But if we are talking about an extra couple of weeks leave and a bit more flexibility during hols vs the teen having no private space and extracurricular I would definitely take the money.

AceofPentacles · 01/05/2022 15:02

Hmmm I don't know it depends on temperament of your teen - are they likely to go off the rails or have poor mental health? As an adult who did both as a teenager with no parent around I'd go for time.

Original poster
Catcream · 01/05/2022 15:11

Both jobs are 9-5, more money job has less annual leave attached though

OP posts:
notanothertakeaway · 01/05/2022 15:18

9-5 is quite reasonable working hours. I'd go for the job that would allow your teen their own bedroom. it's really important to have privacy if possible

excelledyourself · 01/05/2022 15:18

The job with more money.

You need to think longer term for yourself, as well as the DC.

And believe me, in the teen years, they are not l going to want you around half as much as you would like to think.

9-5 is absolutely fine in terms of having time for them/being there.

EwwSprouts · 01/05/2022 15:23

Unless you know your child needs more of your time, I would go for more money. A separate bedroom is helpful. As they get older they are less keen just to be around home with you as they become more independent. But they can be lured to spend time with you on a great holiday.

lljkk · 01/05/2022 15:45

OP is not describing each situation fully.

I'm filling in what I guess the options mean

more money
() Annual leave reduction when child is off school. Trivial if the loss is <= 5 days, bad if loss is > 20 days.
() more extracurrics : are they important to the teen ?

more time
() share a room with 1 x younger sibling : ok if they get along , bad if either can be unkind to other
() no foreign hols: this is fine, nothing truly lost

I want to lean towards More Time being more valuable

DSGR · 01/05/2022 15:49

More money definitely! Your working hours means you’d still have time with them

stuntbubbles · 01/05/2022 15:50

Catcream · 01/05/2022 15:11

Both jobs are 9-5, more money job has less annual leave attached though

Does it give you the option to buy more? And is it better paid enough to allow you scope for unpaid leave?

Runworkeatsleeprepeat · 01/05/2022 15:51

Being in the middle of teen years 3 dc dt's 17 and Dc3 14. I'm currently thinking of changing my job as currently work in a school so get loads of leave but could really do with more money for driving lessons ski trips etc. They are pretty self sufficient during the week now and also during school holidays etc. So I'm leaning towards money.

NumberTheory · 01/05/2022 15:57

If it’s enough for a bedroom of their own and foreign holidays I would definitely go for money over the extra (two weeks?) annual leave. But if the better paying job was more demanding and likely to see you a lot more stressed, working weekends a lot, and working late into the evenings I think that would be a very different calculation.

Bigcap · 01/05/2022 15:58

Money. Mine are 13 & 15 and fuck me it’s expensive. Phones, clothes, trips, laptops, random shit like hockey sticks, mouth guards, etc, plus hobbies. Don’t know how we will afford driving lesson too in a couple of years.
go for the money!

Pumpkintopf · 01/05/2022 16:01

Flexibility was important for me when dc were doing GCSEs - freedom to be able to pick them up from a morning exam and ferry them home then make them lunch so they could carry on studying - invaluable.

LampLighter414 · 01/05/2022 16:05

How big of a difference in money are we talking? 5-10k gross salary difference is really not all that much after tax and will not be all that much in helping you fund an extension for an extra bedroom etc.

Additionally what is the annual leave for the better paying job? 25 days? If so many companies let you buy an additional 5 which will cost approx 5/260 of your salary. Take that off the salary and you might get the same holiday but with more pay?

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/05/2022 16:08

Teens spend more and more time in their bedroom and with friends. They’re more autonomous, can walk, bike around or take the bus. Plus they’re expensive. Boys eat you out of house and home. Private tuition is necessary for some to reach their potential. I’d go for more money, subject to the hours not being really long.

SinaraSmith · 01/05/2022 16:09

Dd is 18. I went for more money and don’t regret it for a a moment.

She has no worries about uni costs. We got through GCSEs absolutely fine and now going through a levels. She does need me, but that can be mornings or weekends or even a call. She is old enough to realise she can’t have the benefits of having a high earning mum and not any of the downsides. Tbf, she has never needed me at a moments notice. Apart from real emergencies, which I would come out of work for anyway.

The travel, extra room, driving lessons, less worry about finances has made us generally happier. While still happens, but the shit is easier to deal with when you are ok for money. Not worrying about money on top of the shit gives a bit of room.

Original poster
Catcream · 01/05/2022 16:24

Really interesting I am so pleased to see so many perspectives

OP posts:
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