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Partner being bullied at work, how can I help ?

10 replies

Mooooooooooooo · 01/05/2022 11:46

His old manager was nice one minute, rude and snappy the next, had drug problems and was volatile.
He's been replaced with a female manager who seemed nicer initially but seems to have suddenly changed over the last couple of weeks.
I get they're under stress but it's no excuse for treating people like that.
The woman will just be off with him and he said she barely looked at him the other day.
Seems incredibly petty and picking at every minor thing he does. She's right to point out if her staff make errors but these things aren't even errors, it's her taking offence at every minor thing he might say or do. "Telling him off" in front of everyone.
She also told him off for literally doing something she was also doing, I was there when it happened.
Then a day later she can be cheerful again. Only a month ago she was saying how great he's doing and wanting to meet up out of work etc.
Now suddenly flipped.
I know he's miserable at the moment.
I don't want to be a 'fixer' but want to support him. I tried to say to him how he should keep being assertive and gave examples of how I had tried to be.
She sometimes speaks to him like a child even though she's 2 years younger. I told him that managers are in no way above us as people, just doing a different role.
I think he should just look for another job but that's up to him. It's a small place so there isn't even a HR really.
How could I support him?

OP posts:
Mooooooooooooo · 01/05/2022 11:48

It's a retail environment, customer facing. He called a customer 'love' as in saying 'thanks a lot love see you soon". The manager went mental at him saying how incredibly offensive it was. Just stuff like that.

OP posts:
CheshireCats · 01/05/2022 11:52

Ok, she might well be a bitch in other ways, but she is right about not calling customers love. I would not be happy if someone in a shop called me love. And so given that it might offend even only some of his customers, he shouldn't be saying it.
Her age is irrelevant.

Ownedbymycats · 01/05/2022 11:52

He needs to be recording every incident in full
. Retail can be a very stressful place for all staff but that's no excuse. Does he challenge her when she speaks to him like this?

Mooooooooooooo · 01/05/2022 11:53

It depends on the person I guess. I get called love or 'cock' about 20+ times a day but yeah i guess it may offend some. Not a reason to go ballistic though

OP posts:
Mooooooooooooo · 01/05/2022 11:54

I think he does challenge her sometimes but not sure if she's taken it on board. Indeed it's no excuse, i hate it when people blame stress for shitty behavior

OP posts:
Purplehue13 · 01/05/2022 11:54

It sounds like you are doing your best to support him OP.
the first thing he needs to do is make sure that the manager knows he feels he is not being treated fairly, if the behaviour continues beyond that then I would suggest you tell him to keep a diary/log of any incidents where he feels he is being bullied. As there is no hr he would then need to discuss this with someone more senior than his manager, go through some examples and see what they do/ suggest.

its a hard slog if the behaviour continues unfortunately, that’s why most people cut and run like you have suggested.

good luck and keep letting him know your behind him whatever he chooses to do.

ldontWanna · 01/05/2022 11:57

Mooooooooooooo · 01/05/2022 11:48

It's a retail environment, customer facing. He called a customer 'love' as in saying 'thanks a lot love see you soon". The manager went mental at him saying how incredibly offensive it was. Just stuff like that.

That comment is seen as offensive by many people, so much so that they actually complain about it. It's a thing and he shouldn't just dismiss it.

The issue is that things like this muddy the waters. It's very possible he is being treated unfairly, but at the same time some things he does ARE wrong so it's hard to decide which is which.

Her ignoring him for example, is wrong on her behalf.

The first step he needs to do is check his own behaviour, acknowledge any mistakes and change what he can. If her behaviour continues then he can keep a log of incidents and make a complaint if needed.

THisbackwithavengeance · 01/05/2022 12:01

CheshireCats · 01/05/2022 11:52

Ok, she might well be a bitch in other ways, but she is right about not calling customers love. I would not be happy if someone in a shop called me love. And so given that it might offend even only some of his customers, he shouldn't be saying it.
Her age is irrelevant.

That depends. I'm in Yorkshire. It's normal here.

Sounds like your DP should find another job. There are jobs going begging around here in retail; he should have no trouble finding something else. Life is too short to be spoken to like shit if you don't have to.

THisbackwithavengeance · 01/05/2022 12:01

THisbackwithavengeance · 01/05/2022 12:01

That depends. I'm in Yorkshire. It's normal here.

Sounds like your DP should find another job. There are jobs going begging around here in retail; he should have no trouble finding something else. Life is too short to be spoken to like shit if you don't have to.

I was referring to the post about calling people "love" ....

LuaDipa · 01/05/2022 13:43

There are tonnes of jobs around at the minute and it’s an employee’s market. He shouldn’t have any trouble finding another position so there’s no need to stay where he’s unhappy.

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