To think I’m in the wrong job

[Sarah891]

So, I have been doing the same job for about 5 years. I recently mentioned promotion to my manager and he gave me a project to do, he asked me to look at the data base and ask other team members to get involved to see how we could improve it, which I think is fine, however, my DH said he would have already discovered the issues and corrected them before being approached by manager (hence why he has done so well) I’m really not very business minded and feel like going for promotion is a mistake?

He is an arrogant pig. Even if he does no everything, it doesn’t mean you are in the wrong job, and neither is anyone else who is below Mr Perfect. People do things in different ways and see things differently, what’s what makes businesses run, be confident in yourself OP.

Maybe this is why your manager has asked you to do the task.

Maybe this is what you are missing.

You did want it. You don’t have to want it. But I suspect your dh has knocked your confidence and now you are convincing yourself you don’t want it.

are these people users of the database? Do they input into it, extract data out of it?

Can you ask them for their feedback based on being users? What works for them, what doesn’t. What would they, ideally, like.

It doesn’t matter if they know what you are doing? You have been asked to look at how the database could be improved and would like their feedback

I can guarantee his colleagues do not feel the same about him.

If he was so good, he would have known the process was wrong before doing it. People like him often do get promoted, especially if they are a man and even more so if they are white. Because they talk a big game and people fall for it. But, usually, anyone who works with them thinks they just can’t take responsibility for themselves.

Your DH is nothing to do with your career. Step up and own it.

You can change your vote as many times as you like.

but that doesn't change how confusing it can be to decide which way to vote when a poster isn't clear what the question actually is. In which case I don't vote, just comment!

minefuekd 😂

Don't overthink it, OP. Just ensure you know why you're calling them and what you want to gain. Keep it focused on the task in hand.

I can't work out what you're worried about - is it leading groups of people? Your husband's fixes to the database may not be all of the things that needed changing. And if he just made changes and didn't tell anyone, there are knock-on effects there. Do you know who needs to help you? Set up a teams call, say this database isn't quite right, I've some ideas on what needs fixing but I'd like to hear from the rest of you as well so we capture everything. Then it's more conversational and feels less intimidating than a big formal project.

Don’t frame your enquiries as “I don’t know what to do” more as “Here is a chance to have your say”. After all, the people you are talking to are just as much part of and users of the system as you are. It
is amazing how often everyone thinks something is wrong but nobody bothers to make a suggestion or takensteps to put it right.
Oh and I’m afraid your DH sounds totally up himself.

How much of this self consciousness has been drummed into you by your "I know it all" husband. I mean you haven't even started yet and he's already telling you you failed and all the ways you're doing it wrong.

I work with someone like your husband. He's always taking over things and "fixing" them, only consulting when they're nearly finished. They're full of mistakes but he brings them up all the time because he's using them as evidence of how "good" he is. He doesn't take challenge well.

Why do you need to know what they are thinking?

You frame this as "I'm looking for ways to improve the database and would like your input". If you feel it's too odd for you just to go in and say that you could instead say "Manager has asked me to look for ways ..." The first option makes you sound more like a senior person and personally what I would use. Part of how people perceive you is how you present yourself.

Being a manager means not everyone will like you; not everyone will appreciate what you are doing and not everyone will agree with you. If you're uncomfortable with that, then maybe it is the wrong job.

Your husband sounds deeply unpleasant and like he's undermined your confidence at the the worst possible time. Bin him Ignore him.

In terms of the task, you are WAY overthinking it.

Step one: make a list of colleagues to speak to. This should be people who use the database in a variety of ways for different tasks. (People who input, people who extract, people who present based on it. Etc). Make sure that it's broad as different departments and levels will have separate issues with the system as is.

Step two: either by email, call or F2F, open lines of communication with these people. Given how you are feeling awkward, I'd frame this in the context of the specific task you've been set. E.g.

Hi Sharon, Bob has asked me to compile a list of issues with the database system and look for improvements that we'd all like to see. At this stage I'm gathering insights from people who use it. Can you let me know any challenges it's creating for you, or any new features / changes you'd love to see implemented by XX date.

Step three: create a list. Gather up all the challenges identified across all colleagues. Group them by theme. Identify where solutions have been suggested. Or where you have ideas for what could solve the problems. Including potential add ons or features that could save time / improve processes etc.

Step four: circulate the list. Hi everyone, thanks for your input so far. I've pulled together all the top issued identified and the possible solutions. Let me know if you have any feedback / extra requests before I present it back up to Bob.

Step five: organise a sit down with Bob. Walk him through the findings. The major issues and top priorities. Suggest an action plan for improvement based on what you've learnt. Including what to tackle first and the ideal impact of each change. Credit all people involved.

Bish, bash, bosh. Job done.

ask other team members to get involved to see how we could improve it

I wouldn't be ringing round people to ask I'd book a teams call or a meeting to gauge group opinion. What does he feel is wrong with it? What changes do you actually think can be made? What is he trying to achieve with this?

Ditto. Then we have to fix his fuckups while rolling ours eyes at his self promotion and inability to ask anyone's opinion - especially those with more expertise than him. Total knobhead whose fixes make 10 times more work for everyone else.

He says he never makes mistakes, he is never wrong and knows what is required. He said there is a reason why everybody comes to him for answers and not the other way round. He said there is factual evidence that he is never wrong

But you can’t dispute that, can you ?

I could tell do I am never m, ever wrong. Doesn’t make it true.

Is he ever wrong at home?

and as I said before, if he was so great he would know the process is wrong. So when he says he is only wrong when the process is, he is taking bullshit.

I would bet my years salary, he colleagues do not agree. And he often makes things worse for them. He knows what he requires. Not whatever one else does. He is a self important, delusional twat. and he is making you feel like shit so he can tell you how much better than you he is.

the task is to collaborate. If you followed his plan and did it yourself, you would fail the task. No matter how good the work was at the end.

There is a Bertrand Russell quote something like this

'The problem with this world is that fools are always so certain of themselves and wise people so full of doubts'

I do think there is a lot of truth in this, coupled with the phenomena that mediocre men will oversell themselves and women will under sell themselves despite having all the right credentials.

Do NOT allow your husband to make you doubt your ability. YOU CAN do this.

When talking to the people, can you not explain that management has asked you to seek a wider opinion.

Why is your DH god? Just stop asking his opinion and follow the excellent advice you've been given by the highly competent women here. Particularly that of @OnceUponAThread.

Honestly give yourself a break and stop asking your DH for career advice.

Thanks Ladies, yea your right. I CAN do this

Well he is wrong about that isn't he? He's not God or some kind of omniscient being. He's just a bog standard human, by definition it's impossible for him to never be wrong about anything.

Either he is delusional or he is a bully. I know what my money's on.

No wonder your confidence is in the basement. People who love you build you up, they don't knock you down. So that's one mistake he's made, isn't it?

Your manager has confidence in you to do this or they wouldn't have suggested it. Your husband should learn from them and try encouraging you for a change.

If someone at work asked me for input into how a process or system could be improved, I would be pleased that a) things were going to be improved and b) that I was being valued and listened to.

You really don't know what other people will be thinking. You are not a mind reader. It's your husband's bullying voice in your head telling you they'll react negatively.

I'm sorry your husband is a bully.

I've got a colleague who is making a name for fixing little things that have been broken that no one else had the time to address.
My work is more juggling several things at once and he would hate that.
We just work to our strengths.
I've been talking about promotion with my team lead and we've gone through the criteria and found several things I'm already working on higher level now, and we've come up with a list of other tasks I can do this year to demonstrate I'm ready for the promotion.
Other team members have similar tasks and it will be mentioned during team meetings so if I was approached about project x by person y I'll know what it is I'm helping with and vice versa.

Oh, and fixing things you see are broken is only useful if a) you've already completed the work you're supposed to be doing and b) communicate with others as to the best solution otherwise you might be wasting your time on something less important or not fixing it the way the majority need/want

JFC. I manage one of these. He’s a fucking nightmare.

and yep, decided of his own bat that something ‘needed changing‘ and so, yep. Just changed it.

except he changed it in a way that made life easy for him…. Not the 20 other people who use the system in different ways. Because he was too fucking arrogant to ask. And too fucking arrogant to listen.

even now, he still thinks he’s done an amazing job…. Because he literally cannot compute otherwise. And ‘Bob‘ if that’s you… yeah it wasn’t a promotion, it’s an interdepartmental Game of hot potato to pass you on to another team before you fuck something else up.

Every workplace is different though. I'd be horrified if someone decided unilaterally to change something without first checking if other depts use it, if other people in our dept use it for a variety of purposes, and why it was created in the first place. Your DH sounds like an absolute nightmare and I bet he gets promoted to make him someone else's problem!

He seems really well liked which is what I find odd?