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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To write this guy off?

14 replies

Ragdollkitten90 · 30/04/2022 17:49

I matched with a guy on Bumble early April
We have had a couple of dates and both have gone well but I cannot gauge if he is attracted to
me / No physical touch or kissing

He had his Bumble profile on ‘pause’ - after the second date last night he has unpaused his profile and now you can see his location again

He has been texting me like normal but not brought up seeing each other again after 2nd date last night

AIBU that because he has unpaused his profile to assume he is not that interested for whatever reason after the 2nd date?

I hate all this waiting around and games with OLD apps - I do not mind if he has changed his mind but at least let me know.

OP posts:
Penguinsaregreat · 30/04/2022 17:52

If I were you I would continue to message/ check out other people. You can still see him if you want. Keep your boundaries high, you don't own anyone anything.

Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 30/04/2022 17:54

Penguinsaregreat · 30/04/2022 17:52

If I were you I would continue to message/ check out other people. You can still see him if you want. Keep your boundaries high, you don't own anyone anything.

Its true. TBF I would find it easier if he never ‘paused’ the profile in the first place and had always had it open. He has not made me any grand promises like so he has not done anything wrong.

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 30/04/2022 17:55

I think he's hedging his bets/not very interested which is fair enough at this stage. I don't think he's really changed his mind about anything, you've been on two dates and he hasn't promised anything. Are you talking to anybody else?

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, I know OLD can be a bit crap.

Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 30/04/2022 17:59

MsVestibule · 30/04/2022 17:55

I think he's hedging his bets/not very interested which is fair enough at this stage. I don't think he's really changed his mind about anything, you've been on two dates and he hasn't promised anything. Are you talking to anybody else?

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, I know OLD can be a bit crap.

No I know what you mean. I actually agree; I just wanting confirmation that he was not that interested / hedging his bets to get my expectations in check.

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 30/04/2022 18:08

Yes, it would be much easier if we all just sent a 'nice to meet you but there's no spark, see ya' type message when we're not interested (that's what I did when I was OLD) but we normally just have work out what people mean by their actions. And I think his actions are telling you he's not too bothered but likes you enough to keep texting. I wouldn't give up on him completely, but would also keep looking.

Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 30/04/2022 18:14

MsVestibule · 30/04/2022 18:08

Yes, it would be much easier if we all just sent a 'nice to meet you but there's no spark, see ya' type message when we're not interested (that's what I did when I was OLD) but we normally just have work out what people mean by their actions. And I think his actions are telling you he's not too bothered but likes you enough to keep texting. I wouldn't give up on him completely, but would also keep looking.

I was thinking of unmatching him - so I did not see if he was paused or unpaused on the dating app also. Its a bit unheathly

OP posts:
OnlyClothes · 30/04/2022 18:14

I went through this recently, but that combined with infrequent clinical texting made me realise that even though he had made no promises and had stated upfront what he was and wasn’t offering, it was not matching what I was wanting. He was good, I was good. But we had different styles. So I ended it.

Keep looking for now and see what develops organically with him.

And, one crucial thing I’ve learned from here, is don’t sleep with him unless you are perfectly okay with it being your last communication.

OnlyClothes · 30/04/2022 18:16

Regarding your chat, I regularly delete chats when it’s their turn to reply so I can’t see if they’re on or off.

And if they don’t reply, it wasn’t meant to be. Don’t force it.

Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 30/04/2022 18:17

OnlyClothes · 30/04/2022 18:14

I went through this recently, but that combined with infrequent clinical texting made me realise that even though he had made no promises and had stated upfront what he was and wasn’t offering, it was not matching what I was wanting. He was good, I was good. But we had different styles. So I ended it.

Keep looking for now and see what develops organically with him.

And, one crucial thing I’ve learned from here, is don’t sleep with him unless you are perfectly okay with it being your last communication.

I wont be having sex with anyone from a dating app I have only met. Sadly I have heard and seen many stories on here also. I think that is what ALOT of them are after ASAP - (Maybe this guy included) and me not going back to his last night and getting a taxi, was enough to get him looking again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 30/04/2022 18:18

OnlyClothes · 30/04/2022 18:16

Regarding your chat, I regularly delete chats when it’s their turn to reply so I can’t see if they’re on or off.

And if they don’t reply, it wasn’t meant to be. Don’t force it.

We have exchanged instagram and phone numbers

OP posts:
glamourousindierockandroll · 30/04/2022 18:20

Sounds like 'he's just not that into you' and that's OK. Let it slide and move on.

If it's not a 'hell, yes' with dating then it's a no.

Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 30/04/2022 18:25

glamourousindierockandroll · 30/04/2022 18:20

Sounds like 'he's just not that into you' and that's OK. Let it slide and move on.

If it's not a 'hell, yes' with dating then it's a no.

Totally agree
Something missing and thats OK 💖

OP posts:
FOJN · 30/04/2022 18:33

I hate all this waiting around and games with OLD apps - I do not mind if he has changed his mind but at least let me know.

What are you waiting for? What do YOU want? Would you like to see him again? If you do then why not ask him? You have agency here and the power to make decisions too. If you like to take the initiate rather than waiting for a man to show some enthusiasm then do that. If he's put off by you knowing what you want then he's not for you.

There is only waiting and games if your decisions are reactions rather than actions.

Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 30/04/2022 18:55

My instict was right and he just messaged me to say that he is dipping his toes into dating; but not wanting to dip anymore toes in with me.

Womans intuition - spot on.

I thanked him and blocked and deleted.

OP posts:
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