30th Birthday

[Jl3003]

Long story short, I turned 30 a few months ago and for my birthday got a bottle of Sainsburys Prosecco from my husband. We were tight for money that month and he had told me that he wouldn’t be able to get me much(I have no problem with this at all). What did really upset me is that he literally stopped at the supermarket on his was home, there was absolutely no thought at all. Then a month and a half later he’s spent £400 on a bbq to add to his collection (he already has 2!). I do dig him out for it, and every time he gets annoyed but I can’t help myself! I know I sound like a spoilt brat but I can’t help but feel genuinely hurt by the absolute lack of effort or thought put in. Im not normally a bday queen, but he knew this one was important to me and I made a huge deal when he turned 30. I know I need to just get over it but it’s 2 months on and I’m still peed off 😂, AIBU?

No effort, disappointing

I understand how you feel, it’s like he’s putting other things ahead of making you feel happy and special . 30th Birthday is a big celebration. I’m 40 now and i remember we were very tight for money for my 30th and i didn’t get a big present as such, but my hubby threw a little party where he made the food and bought a cake etc which made it special. It’s not just the absence of an expensive gift, it’s all about the effort.

That’s all I would have liked, some kind of acknowledgment that it’s a big milestone. We’ve been together a long time and have 2 DCs and I think I just built this up into a big moment for me that turned out to be as anticlimactic as possible!

Does he ever make any effort for your birthday?

I think your standards are very low here and he gave you exactly that. Why do you feel you deserve less than the huge deal that you made for him? Why do you feel that you are a birthday queen for wanting more than an afterthought bottle of cheap alcohol? Why do feel you need to get over it? And most of all, why are you not confronting him about spending 400 on a BBQ?

Before kids he always did, which I think is partly why I felt so let down. DD is 3 and DS is 2, so the last few years have been a non-event 😂

Op I agree if money was tight that month he could not spend what he didn't have but two months later to spend£400 on a barbecue I would be more than annoyed. He could have said ok now I have some money this month I am going to get you a belated gift and take you out for a lovely meal. I am certain I would not be happy with him
Does he make any comment when you mention it
Thoughtless does not even cover it he needs to vastly up his game

Having kids shouldn’t mean the effort stops. Was it covid related or kid related? We’ve got a 3 year old and I had two covid birthdays but still has nice days with thoughtful effort, as I’ve done for him.

Your bloke sounds selfish and thoughtless. Sorry, you deserve a lot better.

If money really was that tight, fair enough, but clearly it isn’t if he has £400 to spend on (his third!!!) barbecue. And even if his finances have changed dramatically in the last couple of months, he could have got you something else now to make up for the lack of proper birthday present, or even just taken you for a belated birthday meal or something. I don’t think you’re being spoilt or greedy at all here.

YANBU. The money excuse doesn’t cover it unless you’re absolutely skint and living literally hand to mouth. Clearly isn’t the case if he’s splashed out in a new bbq. He’s had a whole year since your last birthday. A tenner a month would have left him £120 to buy you a decent pressie or take you for dinner. Really poor, I would be very upset.

Even if money was tight he could have baked you a cake, made you breakfast in bed or something and generally made a fuss of you. No excuses for being a dick.

You have put a laughing emoji at the end of your OP but ita not funny, it's sad to read.
Sad that he mis led you about not having enough money. Sad that he doesn't seem to care about your feelings. And sad that when you try and talk to him about an issue, he gets angry at you.

What does he say when you ask him why he told you money was tight, so only spent 20 quid on you and then £400 for something that he wanted (not needed). Most people would feel upset at that

£400 on a third BBQ? WTF.