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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel so worthless for my job situation?

21 replies

Eurydice84 · 29/04/2022 19:35

Any advice welcome as I am honestly feeling so low and depressed.

I have worked (with stellar results) in my current job for 6.5 years. Went on maternity leave 3 years ago, and when I came back they decided to keep my maternity cover, who was more junior than me. Initially, this was great news as I was so stretched and could do with the extra help; then it became obvious my boss intended to replace me - she gave the maternity cover all my previous responsibilities and assigned me random tasks, all the while suggesting I needed to move on to advance my career. Being disillusioned with the office and the organisation at this stage, I started interviewing for new jobs.

However.... with a pandemic in the middle, it has been two years I have been interviewing for jobs with no offer. I only applied for jobs that would be a progression in my career/salary, or at least would offer learning opportunities, so perhaps I have been too picky and ambitious. I am also somewhat limited in my job search by having a toddler on the side - less time to fill out forms and send applications. But I must have done at least 12 interviews (some of them with multiple rounds) without getting anywhere.

I have had really good feedback from my interviews on my CV and technique - apparently, in lots of them I was second in line. But there is always something getting in the way: for one job someone comes along with more experience in X; for another job they found better chemistry with another candidate.

My boss keeps hinting at the fact I need to move on as she won't be able to restructure the office with me there. She knows I am applying for jobs and she told the ex-maternity cover she would get a raise once I am gone ... I told her it is not my responsibility to keep the other girl happy, she can also apply for other positions if she is not happy and wants more money. I honestly feel so depressed. I am not learning anything in my current position, have zero job satisfaction, and don't seem to be landing any offers.

The last interview however is the one that honestly left me heartbroken. It was such a perfect fit; I prepared for days. My presentation was great. I was so enthusiastic. I got a rejection, with no feedback when asked.

I don't know how to find the strength to keep going and keep positive!

OP posts:

Ontobetterthings · 29/04/2022 19:40

Surely you can do your boss for constructive dismissal? You should not have to leave. That's disgusting way to treat you.

edwinbear · 29/04/2022 20:21

I agree with PP, constructive dismissal is notoriously difficult to prove, but it sounds like you could have a case here, particularly so given it seems to be maternity related. You've been treated dreadfully, I'd be exploring constructive dismissal, at the very least I'd be staying put and waiting for a redundancy pay out (whilst still looking for other jobs).

Pumpkinjam · 29/04/2022 20:25

Yeah I agree with other posters….don’t just accept this. That said, it’s easier said than done…sometimes it’s just better for your mental health to move on.

It might be worth considering a sideways move….probably easier to get and might open up more doors for you. That’s something I did in the past that ultimately helped me to progress.

Original poster

Eurydice84 · 29/04/2022 20:28

@Ontobetterthings I don't know if I will be able to prove this behaviour is harassment/constructive dismissal, as my boss sugar-coats it with a veneer of "I want to help you grow/land a better position". This is obviously not true, as I was threatened with redundancy in between the lines in summer 2020, when the Covid situation was still so uncertain. But these claims can be difficult to win at an employment tribunal, and I would probably burn all my chances of landing another role (small city where everyone knows each other). Sad I know.... all I want is to get the heck out of here!

OP posts:

Tania64 · 29/04/2022 20:29

Do not let this happen. This is totally illegal. Stay put and fight for either compensation or redundancy. Do not go quietly.

motherofchihuahuas · 29/04/2022 20:31

Do you have all this in email op?

Original poster

Eurydice84 · 29/04/2022 20:33

@motherofchihuahuas I have emails from my boss where she sends me jobs she thinks I should apply for, but the "big picture" conversation has always been verbal. Every time it happens I am not expecting it - so I haven't been able to record anything!

OP posts:

motherofchihuahuas · 29/04/2022 20:36

Can you see a solicitor based on what you have so far?

I don't know of recordings where someone unaware are allowed but encouraging you to apply for other roles is shit.

I'm sorry your going through this. Your boss is a dick.

Original poster

Eurydice84 · 29/04/2022 20:38

@Pumpkinjam good idea, I am now looking at side moves that are interesting in one way or another....

OP posts:

Hawkins001 · 29/04/2022 20:52

All the best and positivity op, sometimes in my perspectives it's better to plan day to day, and try to keep positive that way, otherwise if your planning months away, the mind can be quite daunting when considering all the options, once I was running day by day, it's much easier to break down different challenges and plan accordingly.

Original poster

Eurydice84 · 29/04/2022 20:59

@motherofchihuahuas it is shit, and it is also shit she has told other people I am interviewing for jobs when I wanted it to stay private. I feel so uncomfortable walking into work every day.

On another note: Not sure if I want another DC, but that option is also impossible now as I can't fathom other 2/3 years of this hell.

OP posts:

GreenLunchBox · 29/04/2022 21:00

This is really crap, OP.

Is your maternity cover a woman of child-bearing age too? I'm just wondering what the motivation is.

If I were you I'd be looking through my emails to see if there is any evidence you have as this definitely sounds like maternity-related discrimination. I'd be spoiling to take them to tribunal, but I take your point about living in a small town
I echo a PP's point about applying for a sideways move. I did this recently and was offered a huge payrise

Original poster

Eurydice84 · 29/04/2022 21:03

@Hawkins001 thank you. I know I shouldn't let the interview rejections affect me so deeply but they do sting, especially when I have prepared for days. In one case, I had 4 interview rounds and I came second. It can be hard to keep going!

OP posts:

Original poster

Eurydice84 · 29/04/2022 21:04

@GreenLunchBox the maternity cover is in her late twenties but has no partner and won't probably start a family for a long time.

OP posts:

Original poster

Eurydice84 · 29/04/2022 21:11

@GreenLunchBox she is also related to someone really famous. I tend to forget about this as we don't talk about it, but I guess it is another element to consider.

OP posts:

motherofchihuahuas · 29/04/2022 21:13

I think go to a solicitor and talk it through. I'm not an expert for legally trained by any means but this is surely constructive dismissal.

Can you see anyone and talk it through to see where you stand legally as she is making your position untenable which is what constructive dismissal is?

I mean your boss telling you to apply for other jobs and sending them to you.

In the meantime, keep your head down and log everything and screen shot the emails if you can't forward them on to your personal account.

I really do think you need some actual proper advice about this as this isn't on at all.

GreenLunchBox · 29/04/2022 21:25

Do you have legal expenses cover through your home insurance (or maybe car insurance...but I'm not sure about this)? I once had lots of good employment law advice through my home insurance.

Booboobagins · 29/04/2022 21:39

Is your boss aware that this is harassment at best, but more likely sexual discrimination? She can't tell you to find another job after youve just got back from naternity, wtf,!

The company can make you redundant and pay you off.

If I was you, I'd tell her to make me redundant and put me on gardening leave. The situ is untenable for you. Negotiate this, bring your union in if you have one. Research before you talk to her and HR. Make it really clear that giving me bitty work whilst telling you to find another job and telling the person in what was your job they'll get a pay rise after you leave is constructive dismissal. It's discrimination because it happened after you returned to work following maternity leave and has been constant since then.

Ask them what they're going to do about it ergo how much money are they offering you not to go to tribunal. Its a threat on your side and honestly no matter how its sugar coated it absolutely is constructive dismissal and a tribunal would see that.

With cash in your hand you can get an equivalent job and take it easy for while your DC is small before going for a promotion that might demand more of your time in a couple of years.

It infuriates me that women treat women like this. Where's the sisterhood?

motherofchihuahuas · 29/04/2022 21:41

@Booboobagins

This poster is so right.

Take no shit op.

Skydreams · 29/04/2022 21:47

Contact ACAS

GreenLunchBox · 29/04/2022 22:25

Booboobagins · 29/04/2022 21:39

Is your boss aware that this is harassment at best, but more likely sexual discrimination? She can't tell you to find another job after youve just got back from naternity, wtf,!

The company can make you redundant and pay you off.

With cash in your hand you can get an equivalent job and take it easy for while your DC is small before going for a promotion that might demand more of your time in a couple of years.

It infuriates me that women treat women like this. Where's the sisterhood?

Absolutely

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