To not like going out with 18 month old

[Sam903]

So my DS is a completely different child to my DD who is 4. Everything is hard, taking him to the shops…hard, to the park…hard 😂 he seems at his happiest just playing in the lounge at home, I’m quite an outdoorsy person and l I’ve being out so this is not like me but I just find it so much easier? Anybody else feel the same (unless on a weekend for instance when I’m with DH) feel like I’m being cruel on him as I always at groups and things with my first, plus the time flies and before I know it I’m at school to pick up DD.

What exactly is hard?

Shops - not fun with small children.
Park - what’s different and ‘not fun’ compared to your DD?
Do you take him to any toddler groups?

If he’s happy playing then it’s fine to hang at home if he’s getting plenty of interaction and with school runs presumably you’re out twice a day anyway? Second children do have a different experience to firstborns. But if you want to be out and about, what’s making it tricky?

He is just so demanding, like if we go to feed the ducks it takes me absolutely ages to get him away. If we go anywhere he likes to bring his push along trolley with him which takes forever! Haha. He takes it on the school runs too, even they take 3x longer than needed.

I think I’m just fed up of going to parks too is that awful?

At 18 months I should think it would be a little bit boring just staying in all day. He needs a change of scenary to explore and some day light. What are you finding hard exactly? Maybe you just need to find the right environment for him?

I think you need to reframe it in your head. He's not demanding he is 18 months old.

Your daughter was probably exactly the same but because you've done it before the novelty has worn off.

I honestly can't imagine he's content being stuck inside all day every day except for the school run.

He is at nursery twice a week and we visit my mum after school. We do do things just not every week., I feel like I should be at some sort of baby group everyday but I’m not into it this time round, I go to the odd one but not routinely.

I can sympathise. Different children obviously have different personalities, my second DC gave me a shock because DC1 was so laid back and ‘easy’ in comparison. I barely left the house when they were small tbh because I found DC2 so difficult. She used to scream at every flying creature she saw, at every dog and at most strangers who passed by if they dared to look or smile at her… She still hates anything that flies and also dogs now, she’s almost 11!

It will get easier as he gets older and walks a bit quicker. Maybe try local toddler groups or something like softplay or swimming for a change of scenery?

I think its ok not to bring the trolley everywhere, certainly on the school run, and even take the pram if he dawdles. He will soon get used to that.

Otherwise if he is on the park I'd be tempted to say just slow down and let him enjoy the ducks and his trolley. Take a blanket and a flask of tea and let him potter and explore.

At the end of the day though, when its time to leave, its time to leave. He may protest but he is only young, he will get used to it. Maybe start giving him a 5 minute warning, even set a timer on your phone, then wave bye bye to the ducks and park and go home again.

Have you got any friends with small children you can visit? Do you visit playgroups, soft play play cafes etc?

I think you could easily give yourself a routine of mornings = one outing after school run (park, toddler group, cafe, whatever) then home for play/lunch/nap and it’s school run time.

You sound a bit fed up…

She still hates anything that flies and also dogs now, she’s almost 11

Hate to tell you, she probably won't grow out of it. I'm 44 and still can't bear anything with wings. They shit me up 😂

It sounds like he's getting plenty of interaction and is happy, so stick with what you're doing for now.

I think when you have your first, the need for a baby group most days is greater - it's YOU that needs some adult company. That need is less this time, as you probably get some interaction on the school run, and indeed your older child provides more interesting conversation.

But try some of the VintageVest's suggestions for moving him on, as they may make it easier, and as he gets a bit older he may need more variety.

Yes, probably just having a bad week. Not been put much this week so feel guilty.

I think staying home with him is perfectly fine if he also goes to nursery and sees your mum. There's so much pressure at the moment for children to have perfectly ideal childhoods. You're providing a warm, safe house with a loving parent and enough food - you are doing a great job. If you're finding it exhausting to go out all of the time, take that burden away and stay home.

I do what @NoSquirrels suggested.
drop DD at school and our routine is;
Mon- playgroup
Tues - park / woods
Weds - playgroup
Thurs - walk to my parents and feed the ducks on the way
Fri - trampoline park toddler session / park is the weather is nice

We’re always home for 11.30. The boys sit and play while I make lunch. Lunch is 12ish. Then they sometimes nap but sometimes watch a film while I do a bit of cleaning / tidying / make dinner then we go and collect DD.
we also sometimes have friends over in the afternoon or my sister and nephew which is lovely.

it’s not for everyone but I absolutely love it and the routine definitely helps us.

I agree with this. Having a loose routine will not only help you get out of the rut you find yourself in but it will enable your DS to know what to expect each day.

It only needs to be something each morning then home for lunch and a nap and then playing at home once you've collected his sister. He may seem content to potter about at home but it will help you feel better if each day has a purpose.

My 2 are exactly the same, eldest now 6 never been any trouble, very easy going. Little one almost 3 is an adorable pain in the backside, just a complete drama queen. Everywhere we go is hard work.

I feel your pain and have no solution other than to say he is getting better now he’s older.

I'm like this too and I only have one 3.5 year old. I find it all a bit boring! We do vary the parks, go to soft play, the zoo, farms, crazy golf etc. I just get bored easily but my husband reminds me it's about what he enjoys not me, so if he wants to dig in the mud with a stick or throw his toys down the slide I try and tolerate it more than I used to!

You nailed it in your op. This one is a homebody. He likes it there and it eases his mind. A couple of days of stimulation per week is fine but I would say to dd “We are staying home today - not going anywhere “ and her shoulders would drop (I hadn’t noticed how they were around her ears) and she would fill her day with whatever. And that was from a very early age, too.

He doesn't need to live in a social whirl but I'd try and make sure he gets some outdoor time every day. It's really important for their development and I find mine don't sleep well if they don't get properly tired out.

I think you may have to put your foot down about the trolley (make an iron clad rule that it doesn't leave the house, or if necessary leave it at a friend's house for a bit until he has lost the habit)--having to hang back and slooooowly potter along with a tiny child shoving a trolley about at a snail's pace and banging it into everything would drive me absolutely insane, and it's probably annoying other people on the pavement as well.

He plays up all the time too, like I find it hard to get him to leave as he has the most horrific scream and it’s really embarrassing. I love going out but I never know how to deal with him when he is being difficult and I can feel myself sweating! He seems quite happy when we go back home.

We do get our twice a day and the school run is a good walk? We usually do go our most morning but haven’t this week.