Feeling hurt

[suitablefolk]

My partner two years( not living together) is quite unwell. He is hospital having tests and investigations at the moment. He is an impatient in a hospital near where I live as he was with me when he became acutely unwell.
I am a Medical professional and he, in his own words , is completely clueless when it comes to medicine, terminology etc.

I suggested using me as a next of kin which he gladly accepted . Gave him all details for admission.
He is meeting all different medical teams each day and is utterly confused regarding lingo and plans for his treatment.

I rang the unit to be told that I am not NOK so they can't speak to me, which is fair enough.
However I do feel upset by this as he has no idea what is going on with his care and treatment.
I visit him every day which is an hours round trip for me on top of a very busy day with kids and bring him what he needs and wants .
He is presently athree hour round trip from home.
He has not had any other visitors and is on his own we all day long otherwise .

I feel hurt that he said he wanted me to be his NOK and minutes later, having typed out details for him, have his brothers name as NOK. His Brother hasn't been in touch with medical staff whatsoever and just texts partner daily.

I am worried sick as there is a possibility of cancer and there doesn't seem to be a plan in place.
Meanwhile he is deteriorating daily and isn't on any treatment .

AIBU to feel hurt about this ?

im sorry this sounds harsh but you’re making something that is about him to be about you and your relationship.

You are clearly hurt but this will be a situation where they asked for a member of his family who could be contacted in an emergency and he’s given that. He can very easily ask for you to be included in any medical information.

it’s does sound rather odd that he has seemingly got no idea what is happening. You can speak to the ward and explain this and ask for him to be given some clearly written information on his diagnosis/ investigations/ plan of care. If you are visiting daily there must be some opportunity for this to be cleared up.

don’t give more of yourself than you have to spare, you do sound low on reserves.

Hi OP

I think you r taking this way to personally. I have been married 16 years, and even then would think about NOK. I'd probably put DH, but even 10 years ago I'd probably have put my brothers down instead. I've known my brother's all my life and while I love DH immensely, when you are v v ill the people you think about most are your immediate family - especially in your case as the relationship is relatively short and you aren't married or anything. It's really not personal, he's just very ill and thinking of his immediate family who he's known longer than he's known you

I'm sure if you asked his consent and the ward got him to sign something, they'd be happy to discuss treatment with you. You probably just need to ask. You don't need to be NOK to discuss treatment usually, if the person who is ill has asked for you, and given consent for you, to be involved. If he doesnt want you knowing the ins and outs or liaising with the staff - again o wouldn't take this to mean anything. He's vulnerable and ill right now and needs his family. One day I'm sure he'll include you on that definition, but 2 years is relatively short to know someone in the grand scheme of things.