To say no to MIL’s offer of ‘help’?!

[MoiraRoseIsMyQueen]

MIL has - yet again - offered at short notice to come over this weekend to help us get sorted with the new house. Sometimes this is fine, but this time I had to kindly - albeit quite firmly - decline, as actually she creates more work - beds to change/swap round, meals to plan (she has allergies), etc etc. But now I’m feeling mega guilty, she is on her own and I know she is probably lonely and genuinely does want to help. But we have been looking forward to this quiet weekend, it’s been so busy, and we’d planned to see her in a fortnight anyway! I feel a bit aggrieved as I feel like we have a right to a family weekend if we want, without having to feel guilty about it, but AIBU?!

As long as you're not rude to her, it's fine. Nothing wrong with wanting a chilled out weekend on your own in your own home!

Nah this is absolutely fine to feel like it. My MIL comes over to help us with childcare which is really lovely to have time with DD but honestly, it’s more work in terms of hosting, laundry, meal prep etc. She always talks about what a huge favour she is doing us and I nod my head and then go to internally scream in to a pillow.

As long as you’re not rude then it’s fine.

Of course you’re not being unreasonable if she’s actually creating more work.

@ShirleyPhallus 😂 I absolutely relate to the internal scream!

Perfectly reasonable OP.

Unfortunately people who cause extra work as guests are hard work, particularly when you are already busy.

She always talks about what a huge favour she is doing us and I nod my head and then go to internally scream in to a pillow

My own parents do this!! They offered to help us on moving day as we have a young baby, but as you say, its more hassle that its worth!! We have packers and movers. The last thing we need is my dad spending 30 minutes in our only bathroom when other people need in or its time to leave the house or the movers/packers need in to pack

You are definitely ok to say no!!

Does she stay all weekend and expect to be fed and made cups of tea?

How does she think that helps you?

YABU to feel aggrieved.

She made the offer with genuine good intentions. YANBU to decline because it makes more work for you but I don't think you can hold the poor woman responsible for unintentionally making you feel guilty about saying no. It's not like she has tried to guilt trip you into letting her come after you said no.

I don't think you've got much to complain about if you have a MIL who genuinely wants to help out and respects your boundaries when you turn her down.