How do you feel sexy after 45?

[Davinasimpson]

I’m now 48 and for the past couple of years seeing myself as a sexual being has just felt sort of wrong. I think it’s now my DC are older and dating and I can’t help but feel middle aged and that I’ve had my time. Bizarrely I’m in the best shape physically than I’ve ever been, nothings drooping yet, no stretch marks, have my hair done regularly etc. It’s purely a mental block. DH is just as keen as ever, but this is really impacting me and how much I want sex. I used to think about sex a lot but now it feels like I shouldn’t. How do I change my mindset?

I don’t really have an answer to this but following with interest because at 53 I feel similar. I am divorced though - still yearn for some kind of connection but at the same time feel that I am outside the sphere of living that other people are in - an onlooker while love happens to other people or something.

It could be hormonal - have you had levels checked or are you using hormonal contraception?
I found my libido again when I no longer took the pill or had a mirena coil

Not on any contraception but I have been on HRT for 6 months.

Similar age here and I'm bloody rampant 😂. I don't think it should matter what bits are drooping or not as it's more in the mind for me - and for you by the sounds of it. It's clearly this thing about your kids that's got in your head and lodged some false idea that their time starting means yours has to stop, but there's really no truth to it. Ideally them being more independent should mean you have more time to pursue your own pleasure. Can you get them out of the house more and focus on making yourself feel good, rewiring those thoughts? Either with your DH or with yourself and whatever turns you on, films/books/music that unlock fantasies, ethical porn or toys or whatever works for you. The key thing for me is realising that sexiness and arousal has nothing to do with being young and trad hot. The great thing about getting older is being able to get past the superficial stuff and indulge the more ageless desires.