Just want a cup of tea with my mum and a hug

[JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome]

My mum died 4 years ago, this morning I just suddenly desperately want to see her and have a cup of tea and a hug. Been feeling low myself and think that’s prompted this but just feel as sad as I did the day she died suddenly today and miss her so much. At what point does this get easier? 5 years…10 years?

Oh I know exactly how you feel. I had a thread last night about the same thing.

I'm really sorry about your Mum.
I'm 14 years in this year and it feels easier. The grief isn't raw. I trundle along day to day without that awful ache.

Sending you a virtual hug. Be kind to yourself today. Remember your mum. Cry if you want to. Its ok to miss her. Xx

Big hug. Unfortunately, I understand too. It doesn't really seem get much easier, just kind of sinks in a little bit more

Aww OP
My mum died 29 years ago. It does get easier but I still have days like yours though they get further and further apart.
Bizarrely on my way to work the other day I had a thought to call her and tell her something one of my DC had done! I was 16 when she died so she has never known my dc 😂 No idea why the thought popped into my head!
4 years is still soon imo and is hard because reality has set in. This is it.
Can you do something nice for yourself today? Can you call someone who knew your mum and remember her quirks? When I feel low and miss my mum I call my sister and we talk about and laugh about mums quirks and how she was annoying (for example not allowing me to have a bath for at least 2 hours after dinner in case I drown - I was a teenager 😂)
I go 1 of 2 ways. I either embrace the desperate feeling of loss and allow myself proper ugly crying or I remember how many funny ways she could be a knob and I end with happy tears.
Both ways are ok.
Hope you feel better soon

I hear you OP, 💔
I lost my dad over a decade ago, and I would say yes, it was getting easier until my mum died last year and now I'm back to square one and missing them both dreadfully.

I remember once, a few years back, my mum asking me what I thought my life would be like when she died, and saying she worried about leaving me. And I told her, it'll absolutely horrible and I'll always miss you, but I'll make sure I'm okay. And that feels like a promise, so I focus on being okay and I still function, and that's enough for now.

Hope you have a peaceful day, and find some nice memories to console yourself with. Xx

I miss my nan and my aunty. they both recently passed and it keeps hitting me like a tonne of bricks.
I was hoping it'd be easier by 4 years but j suppose it isn't the case
I am so sorry about your mum. I'm about to have a cup of tea, maybe we could chat on here about her? I have 20 mins before j have to get the kids up

Thank you so much everyone. She was so lovely my mum just such a kind person, she wasn’t well for last 3 years of her life and actually her passing away has made those 3 years fade more and me remember her more in her prime. I’m going to look at my Photobooks today (when she died I made lots of Photobooks to help remember nice stuff)

phoning my sister is a good idea and I’ll messsage my aunt too she always likes to remember her

Sorry too for all your losses too x

I still remember going into the garage after my mum died and seeing dozens of glass milk shake bottles that she kept ‘just in case’ a sample of every wallpaper that we had ever had in the house over a 15 year period ‘just in case’ likewise with paint and carpet 😂
Or the day I came home from school and she had knocked out the larder - or knocked out a door frame and created an archway and stuffed the gaps with newspaper - that archway is still there 29 years later 😂
Remember her character and allow yourself to grieve. Grief isn’t linear - it comes and goes in waves.
You will be ok - it’s hard but you will be ok x

she sounds lovely. I wish I made some photo books, it's a good idea. physical photos seem to mean more don't they?

what would you speak about with her? just the mundane every day stuff? you can still tell her what you want to. I know it seems silly but talking to a loved one directly, even in your head makes it easier I feel. like it reinforces the idea that they can heat you and visit you and they never really leave

I think the "day to day" does get easier in that it just becomes the new normal. The "big days" can still be a struggle I'm afraid. I'm 10 years on this year and still miss my mum terribly, but not consciously every day if that makes sense?

Be forgiving with yourself and how you're feeling as it's totally natural, and yes if possible try to do something that honours the memory, like having a chat about her with someone else that knew her. Its also OK to just cry!

Sometimes I go and stand in the greenhouse and imagine I'm giving mum a tour of everything I've grown as she loved gardening, and I can imagine what she'd say and how proud she'd be.

Grief is a very weird thing and it can come and go. My parents died in 2001 and 2003. I still have times when I really miss them and wish I could just have a hug.
I met someone once who was devastated at the loss of her dog. She said "I didn't even cry when my husband died of cancer, and now I can't stop crying over my dog". It turned out that the dog had been an enormous comfort to her husband. He'd sat by him, and her husband had always got his hand on the dog, stroking his head. When the dog died, it was a final link with her husband gone, and I think she was grieving for them both.

Very Soft Hugs.☕🌼 in the same boat sadly

My Mum died 13 months ago and the pain is still so raw. I am now in a family of boys - my brother, my Dad, my husband and my son and I just miss the long chats and giggles with my Mum.
she died during lockdown, of cancer, and in her final 2 weeks we were not able to be with her until the end and the feeling of failing her and not being there during this time because of the rules fill with with an intense anger.
it is a sadness people you don’t know about until you miss a parent - I’d never ever heard people talking about it until I was part of the club.

I'm sorry to hear about your mum (and of the other losses too).

I had an idea and you can ignore it or not if it might help. If you can visit your mother's grave, bring a flask of tea and some biccies or a sandwich and a small travel stool. Sit down in the grave yard and have a chat with her. Off load to her. You might feel a bit silly at the start. I think it might work. Bring flowers (or not). Chat to her as you arrange them. If you don't feel like chatting, bring a book. Read it either to yourself or out loud to her.

As I say, its just a suggestion.

So sorry OP. This has made my heart ache for you. DF died before I was born and I still grieve for him, despite never knowing him. And similarly, it hits me really hard some days. Same for my grandparents, who have been gone 20 years.
Be kind to yourself and make sure those around you know you’re struggling. Sending love over the internet ❤️

My Mum died seven years ago and, in many ways, was my best friend. She’d been very ill and felt ready to go but I still miss her every day. Her
birthday would be next week and I always think of her when I see the horse chestnut trees in bloom because she used to tell me that, when she was little, she used to think the blossoms were like candles on her birthday cake.