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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I asking too much?

25 replies

Helendee · 28/04/2022 19:25

Two of my DILs were coming to ours tomorrow with our little grandsons to play. One has had to cancel so the other isn’t coming either.
I know how petulant I sound but I’m really disappointed that I won’t be seeing them all especially as one of them has been 400 miles away for the past year and my grandson doesn’t really know who we are.
I don’t understand why DIL 1 can’t still come over for a visit, we have missed them all so much.

OP posts:
AllFreeOwls · 28/04/2022 19:27

What reason has been given for cancelling?
Also what are your sons doing to arrange family visits? It's not just your DILs responsibility.

Whatsmyname100 · 28/04/2022 19:30

Were they travelling together maybe ?

almondbran · 28/04/2022 19:31

ask your sons, why is it up to your DILs to facilitate and follow through with these plans?

Original poster
Helendee · 28/04/2022 19:33

The DILs asked me to arrange it, nothing to do with my sons, why should it be? Both sons are working, DILs not.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/04/2022 19:35

Sorry, you lost me at "DILs." Where are your sons in all this. Per usual, it seems the daughter-in-law gets the blame.

Original poster
Helendee · 28/04/2022 19:35

My point was is it unreasonable to feel sad that the one DIL who was going to visit now won’t because the other can’t make it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Helendee · 28/04/2022 19:36

Why are you all banging on about my sons? I doubt either of them even knew about it, women can make their own arrangements you know!

OP posts:
BattenburgDonkey · 28/04/2022 19:37

Aquamarine1029 · 28/04/2022 19:35

Sorry, you lost me at "DILs." Where are your sons in all this. Per usual, it seems the daughter-in-law gets the blame.

Working, was arranged with the OP and the daughter in laws while DIL are off and sons are working, why are the sons to blame?

Original poster
Helendee · 28/04/2022 19:38

@almondbran

Probably because it was the DILs who made the plans in the first place!

OP posts:
WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 28/04/2022 19:38

I can see why she cancelled if they were hoping the kids would see each other/play together.

Yanbu to feel sad about it, but ywbu to tell them you feel sad.

Call your sons and arrange for them to come over with the kids at another time.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 28/04/2022 19:38

That's rubbish OP. I wouldn't not visit DH's mum if his brothers girlfriend couldn't go.

Original poster
Helendee · 28/04/2022 19:38

Thanks @BattenburgDonkey

OP posts:
CareBearsCare · 28/04/2022 19:40

Would travelling to them help the situation ?

Yanbu to be upset that they've both cancelled a visit that you've been looking forward to.

NerrSnerr · 28/04/2022 19:40

If they're coming without your sons I do understand. How well do you know the one who has been 400 miles away? I wouldn't like to visit my MIL without my husband (or a sister in law if I had one). Maybe she feels awkward if she doesn't know you well.

Original poster
Helendee · 28/04/2022 19:40

@WeDontShutUpAboutBruno

Dil2 often comes over on a Friday morning which is my day off which is lovely.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helendee · 28/04/2022 19:42

@CareBearsCare

I have spinal atrophy and scoliosis so am mostly using a chair these days and don’t drive so it’s hard to get around unless my DH can drive me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helendee · 28/04/2022 19:44

@NerrSnerr

No she’s been with my soon for 20 years and they’ve been married for 13 years.
We know each other very well and get on fine.

OP posts:
LollyLol · 28/04/2022 19:44

I agree OP. I'd want my PIL to see their grandkids. Makes it seem like you're just not a priority as not worth visiting unless the cousins are there. That's a shame. I'd gently express how disappointed you are and would have loved to see the dil and other grandchild(ren). Maybe too late this time but perhaps they'll remember for another time.

Also has nothing to do with the sons. You don't have to go through a third-party mediation process to talk to your dils.

Original poster
Helendee · 28/04/2022 19:45

Thank you@teaandtoastwithmarmite

love your user name! I would live on that. 😄

OP posts:
newbiename · 28/04/2022 19:46

Helendee · 28/04/2022 19:36

Why are you all banging on about my sons? I doubt either of them even knew about it, women can make their own arrangements you know!

Exactly. How can your sons be to blame ?

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 28/04/2022 19:46

Helendee · 28/04/2022 19:40

@WeDontShutUpAboutBruno

Dil2 often comes over on a Friday morning which is my day off which is lovely.

Oh that is nice, hopefully you'll see them next Friday Flowers

Original poster
Helendee · 28/04/2022 19:48

Thank you @LollyLol

That’s exactly how it feels, especially as my little grandsons are both lockdown babies so we have seen little enough of them as it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helendee · 28/04/2022 19:48

Fingers crossed @WeDontShutUpAboutBruno

Bless you.

OP posts:
LollyLol · 28/04/2022 20:00

Tbh I have quite a distant relationship with my MIL; we get along but we arent in touch much or all that friendly and I find it hard to get close to her. But I love the fact she and my FIL are besotted with my kids, and I will move mountains to help them spend time together (our first summer holiday post-covid will be with them). My kids don't have cousins but my toddler gets so much out of being with his PIL. That relationship established itself really naturally despite being apart due to covid so I'm sure if you can entice your dils to make more effort (or go and see them?!) you will quickly enjoy the best of being a Grandma.

Kite22 · 28/04/2022 20:42

So are they both traveling ?
Presumably the meeting will be rearranged? I would assume if the meet up was going to happen again soon, then your other DiL would choose to come when her SiL is coming, as she will presumably want to see her, and her dn too ?

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