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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being super sensitive right now or AIBU?

26 replies

MrsDoubtWater · 28/04/2022 18:30

I don’t think AIBU but would welcome your views and help with a reply right now as I’m unsure how I’m feeling about this.

Changing some of the details here as it’s quite outing.

DC (teen) was in A&E on Tuesday evening due to having thoughts of wanting to commit suicide.

DC was admitted on to a ward and was seen by the specialists the following day. Allowed to come home and we’ve informed school that they will not be returning for the remainder of this week. MH currently at an all time low. Lots of thing put in place, follow up soon with specialists etc. DC also has a. SEN.

The correct member of staff has been informed of this.

Received an email from one teacher today, for DC but tagging myself and correct member of staff, stating that work must be completed on a project by next Wednesday and that DC should be attending an after school catch up.

I’ve replied that DC isn’t currently in school, the member of staff that teacher tagged in to the email knows the current situation (haven’t gone in to detail with the teacher) but I’ve had a reply stating that if DC has a PC at home they could complete some of the work and to let her know if there’s anything DC struggles with they can contact teacher!

i’m only still trying to process the struggles DC has been going through let alone telling them to crack on with their work.

Can you please tell me how I should reply. I’m aware that teacher possibly doesn’t know about the details, should I let them know, I would have thought that they would at least know DC wasn’t in school.

AIBU to think that the teacher should have contacted the member of staff tagged into the email to find out the reasons before replying straight away with a view that this can be completed at home.

DC currently isn’t in the right head space to even think about school right now!!

OP posts:
Whatsmyname100 · 28/04/2022 18:34

Work with them not against them. The teacher doesn't sound like they know the situation. Being off from school could mean just an illness which isn't major. Can you just not reply with what's happening. If the teacher persists, then you have a valid complaint.

WabbitsAndWeasels · 28/04/2022 18:35

I would keep the reply as concise as possible. If you feel comfortable explain they've had some serious mental health problems this week necessitating that DC remains at home and will be unable to complete any work due to this. If you don't need any support from them right now then say that and that you'll be in contact soon with how they can help. It seems obvious that the reason hasn't been passed on and hopefully this has been sent in error rather than any serious thought that he should complete any work right now.

NoSquirrels · 28/04/2022 18:37

Can you please tell me how I should reply. I’m aware that teacher possibly doesn’t know about the details, should I let them know, I would have thought that they would at least know DC wasn’t in school.

AIBU to think that the teacher should have contacted the member of staff tagged into the email to find out the reasons before replying straight away with a view that this can be completed at home.

Firstly, I’m really sorry for the situation you’re going through and I hope DC is feeling better soon. Flowers

As you recognise, the teacher isn’t aware of the while situation (yet) and they’re just doing the normal process. Kids are off all the time for all sorts of reasons, not least all the Covid-related absences, so the teacher is just following their usual script.

I think YABU to have expected them to contact the other member of staff before emailing/replying, but I understand why you feel like they should have done.

If you want to reply, you could just say something like “That won’t currently be possible - Mr/s X is aware of the situation.” And then leave them to speak to each other.

helloworld32 · 28/04/2022 18:38

What age is she? How did they have a bed available?

BridgesofMadisonfan · 28/04/2022 18:39

I'm amazed your child was admitted. Mine took an overdose and was sent straight home ?

RachelGreeneGreep · 28/04/2022 18:39

Sorry to hear about your child, and I hope that things improve for them.
I would contact the person in the know, either by phone or email and ask them to tell the teacher whatever you feel comfortable with e.g. saying child is unwell, and will not be completing work at present.

PeachCottonTree · 28/04/2022 18:40

Sounds like the teacher is unaware of the situation and assuming DC is ill but well enough to work from home. The mode for the past two years has been to send work home to be completed so they’re maybe just used to issuing work for pupils at home.

I’d either contact the teacher directly to make them aware of the situation or ask the other teacher to do it on your behalf.

WoodenClock · 28/04/2022 18:41

I think if you want to blame anyone, it's the "tagged" teacher who hasn't let teacher know the situation. Teacher just wants DC to do well in their accreditation.

Probably, they're trying to protect DC's privacy by not sharing more widely than absolutely necessary but, but you could tell them there have been some MH issues which tagged teacher is aware of.

It must be incredibly hard for you, don't let this become a big issue for you, you've got more than enough on your plate.

LuaDipa · 28/04/2022 18:41

I would reply that there has clearly been a major lapse in communication and while you assume it will be rectified asap you would prefer that they didn’t contact you until teacher has brought him/herself up to speed with the situation.

Discovereads · 28/04/2022 18:41

The teacher likely doesn’t know the exact reason your DC is signed off sick as it’s private health information. I’d contact the staff member that does know and ask them to have a word with the teacher to not email work or expect school work to be done until told otherwise as your DC is too unwell. That catch up provisions will have to be left for a later date when he is better.

Unless your DC gives you permission to tell the teacher he is off due to a MH crisis, do not start spreading the information around. It may make it harder for him to return to school if he thinks all his teachers know of his MH crisis. There is still a lot of stigma attached to MH especially for boys/men.

Discovereads · 28/04/2022 18:43

*he or she.

misssunshine4040 · 28/04/2022 18:43

helloworld32 · 28/04/2022 18:38

What age is she? How did they have a bed available?

What do you mean how did they have a bed available?

helloworld32 · 28/04/2022 18:44

There is often such a long wait for beds to be available. I’m surprised DC was admitted so promptly.

Original poster
MrsDoubtWater · 28/04/2022 18:52

@helloworld32 I really have no idea but I’m extremely grateful DC was admitted. As to how, you’d have to ask our NHS Trust!! Thanks for your input into the original question though!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsDoubtWater · 28/04/2022 18:54

@BridgesofMadisonfan I’m so sorry that you didn’t get the much needed support.

OP posts:
BridgesofMadisonfan · 28/04/2022 18:56

@MrsDoubtWater

Thankyou.

Were any referrals to social services or CAMHs made when your dd was discharged?

Original poster
MrsDoubtWater · 28/04/2022 18:57

Thanks for all of the replies to my original question.

It’s given me some thoughts on how to reply.

Flowers
OP posts:
Original poster
MrsDoubtWater · 28/04/2022 18:57

@BridgesofMadisonfan Yes CAMHS, we saw a counsellor before DC was discharged.

OP posts:
Whatsmyname100 · 28/04/2022 18:58

Sorry that you all are going through this. Its most certainly that she doesn't know. I can't imagine a teacher knowing what's happening and still persisting.

Springblossom2022 · 28/04/2022 18:59

My response to the email would be something along the lines of

"Good evening, thank you for your email. I'm afraid that (DCs name) won't be able to complete this work by the deadline you have stated. DC is currently off school and experiencing some difficulties which mean they are unable to prioritise school work at the moment. The relevant members of staff are aware of the situation and we will keep them up to date. Apologies for this, but I must put the well-being of my child first at the moment. Take care (your name)"

So sorry to hear of your situation at the moment, sending love to you all and hope your DC is getting all of the support possible Flowers

Original poster
MrsDoubtWater · 28/04/2022 18:59

A CAMHS counsellor.

OP posts:
BridgesofMadisonfan · 28/04/2022 18:59

@MrsDoubtWater

Maybe you could just email saying so and so teacher has details of why dd will be unable to complete the work at this time? Copy the other teacher into the email?

Lou98 · 28/04/2022 19:04

Honestly, I do think YABU and making this more of an issue than it is - however, I can completely understand why.

I would just reply saying something along the lines of "due to the nature of why DD is off school this week she won't be up to doing any school work, please contact teacher if you need any more details"

I hope your Daughter gets the help she needs and is on the mend soon, it's a scary situation for all involved!

Onwards22 · 28/04/2022 19:31

Do they have an EHCP and are they in mainstream school?

How old is DS?
From the teachers email it sounds as though he’s in year 10 or 11 so the work is obviously important.

If he’s in year 10 or 11 I would reply and explain that he is unable to complete his work on time and if it’s possible to get an extension due to extenuating circumstances.

It sounds like they don’t know the full story and are worried that he’s going to miss out on this grade.

Original poster
MrsDoubtWater · 28/04/2022 20:20

@Onwards22 CAMHS mentioned getting a EHCP in place, DC only recently diagnosed, is at mainstream school.

OP posts:
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