To ask how you stopped being a

[Blarting]

People pleaser?

Just been so bay let down by family and really had enough.

They blame me, for not asking for help?

Even though when I do. It's not given.

I have to step back, not offer help etc anymore. Which will mean a change of relationship because no one else will bother.

Be gentle, I'm feeling fragile.

*badly

Oh how awful for you!

can you say how you’ve been let down? Maybe we can help in some way?

Stepping back is potentially going to provoke reactions, so keep your boundaries firm.

boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

be simple and clear about what you will and won’t be able to do. Keep words to a minimum, don’t give excuses, give reasons

even if that reason is as simple as “I don’t want to”

that doesn’t work for me/us is a very useful response and just needs to be repeated broken record style until they either stop, or you say “enough!”

Keeping in mind the phrase "don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm"

I realised that people see people pleasers as disingenuous and that's not something I wanted to be seen as.

People don't think you are being true to yourself and people will not trust you because you fall over for others.

The image people pleasers want to give off is often the opposite of the one they do give off. I'd rather be seen as sometimes stubborn or awkward than a walkover or not genuine.

When you say no one else will bother what do you mean

It's a load of things, but a couple of examples

I was hosting Easter (for 11) mostly my sisters family (she said she couldn't do it as people would have to travel. I asked if she could bring one dessert, I had to cajole her to do it, she couldn't travel with a desert, why not you're in a car and a cheesecake etc is easily able to be transported. I'm made to feel unreasonable for actually insisting she could.

I have a sister who is visiting for a long while, she's been pushed onto me. I had to go to the office one day, asked my brother to come over to take her to lunch (she's not well and needs to be encouraged out of the house, which I do a lot off). She's also very lazy in the house doesn't clear up after herself etc. he came over, didn't take her out, she made him lunch, left everything out on the worktop, plates, cups, glasses etc, used the last sandwich filler that my DH was going to use for his sandwich the next day (shopping was due the following day). DH got home before me and had the right hump, we ended up having words. So my asking him
to take her out to lunch ended up causing us more work than if he'd not bothered.

I entertained both days the previous weekend, because people wanted to be with my sister, but I ask for one meal to be provided elsewhere and it doesn't happen.

But I should ask for more help? I don't get any at the moment, even when I do ask. It's either not done or I have to keep arguing that it is possible.

I admit to feeling very upset and put upon, I know I've got to completely step back and if they can't/won't organise anything, then we won't be meeting.

To arrange any meet ups with visiting sister etc.

Christ. You’re a total pushover. OP the only person who can save you from being a doormat (who is seething with resentment and frustration inside) is you.

Learn to say NO. That’s the first and only step.

All these people in your life are being unreasonable btw. They are taking the piss and taking full advantage of your inability to protect yourself and your needs.

Fight for yourself.

Yes you're right! They're taking the piss, whilst portraying we are a close family blah blah.

Hosting Easter? Whose idea was that? If it was yours.. stop offering. If someone else asked, say NO. Once you have learned how to say no to something you really do not want to do it will become as easy as saying yes !

How has your sister been pushed on to you? Push her on to someone else. Stop agreeing to things like this when there are other people in your life who mean far more and are bearing the brunt of you bad decision making.