So my fiancé and I split a month ago when I was 29 weeks pregnant.
Backstory: By the next week he'd moved out his things and find somewhere to live (some of you have seen my post that this started after his daughter spat on my son)... He's the one who left me with no bed or fridge at 30 wks pregnant (to be fair he bought them) but didn't hold out on moving them out until he found out I had a new bed etc... Just took them. Anyway that's just backstory!
The day he moved out he was crying saying "this is nothing that can't be fixed" which blew my mind and then the next week we met to talk where he still wanted to be with me but living apart for now.
He picked me up for a growth scan a few weeks ago and I had a fainting episode at the hospital which I normally do every few days or on a long walk, midwife commented that I looked anemic. He's dropped me back home as if nothing had happened, didn't check I got to the door ok etc or even offered to make me a drink or food (from living together he knows that when these episodes happen I can't stand up long enough to make a cuppa - I've made cups of tea sitting on the kitchen floor before now 🤦♀️) and for some reason this was oddly the straw that broke the camels back for me and I said no after everything he's done and leaving when he did after one argument - this was the last straw (I know it's weird that this was the moment). Since then, I've had loads of help from midwives and the freedom programme as he was emotionally abusive in our relationship and I didn't even realise.
So ffwd to last week - he's asked me to email him every time there's an appointment for the baby. I nearly agreed and the freedom programme showed me that again this is him wanting me to serve him and it's not giving me the opportunity to grieve the relationship at now 35 weeks pregnant with everything wrist I have to think about, but I also want to do the right thing and make sure he knows when the appointments are.
When we were together we had a shared calendar for our things to do together so as I have a calendar for the baby anyway (especially these days I have serious pregnancy fog!) then I thought it would be so much easier just to invite him to the baby calendar, then everything i put in about her now, growth scans, consultant appointments because she's big async even things when she's born eg health visitor appointments / jabs etc - he can view and attend if he wishes without the need for constant emailing.
He's REFUSING to press "accept" on the calendar and wants me to email him every time there's an appointment with the information.
AIBU to think that it would be so much better for us both if he accepted the calendar invite instead?! I know he's going to try and accuse me of being difficult for not emailing him but I'd rather the space to grieve this relationship and I am giving him the opportunity to see all appointments where he doesn't have to hear from me directly.
The Freedom programme suspect this is him again trying to control my actions by getting me to serve his needs. When he could just press one button to see all appointments. I don't want to come across as difficult!