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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this odd of my friend?

14 replies

keratoms · 28/04/2022 01:54

I submitted my dissertation two weeks ago. I got two copies printed and bound. I am very well aware that not many people will be interested in my dissertation and it is a much bigger deal to me than anyone else.

However, my best friend specifically asked to read it. I was going to dinner at hers the night I had submitted it and I said I'll bring it for you and she said sarcastically, 'oh yeah sounds good'. I said 'you don't need to read it, it was just you had asked to not long ago'. She replied, 'yes but I won't be reading it tonight as I am busy'. I thought well of course I wouldn't expect her to read it that night as she was having people over for dinner. It was just odd.

Anyway, didn't think much more of it. My mum asked to read it so she read it twice on the day I gave her it (bless her) and my other close friend asked to read it, so she got my mums copy and also read it on the day she got it.

It's two weeks later and my best friend has still not read it or mentioned it at all, and my dad is asking for it. Would I be unreasonable to ask for it back and assume she's not interested in reading it at this point?

It's not a big deal to me, I just found it odd that she had asked for it but maybe it was just one of those things you say and don't really mean. The odd thing is the topic is one she is interested in.

Anyways, I don't want it to seem like I am rushing her or demanding I read it but I'd quite like it back now to give to my dad. AIBU?

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 28/04/2022 02:05

No, of course you are not being unreasonable. Just ask for it back, tell her your dad wants to read it. She's had her chance.

The odd thing is the topic is one she is interested in.

Is there a back story to this? Is she maybe jealous that you are successful in a subject that interests her. I don't know, just throwing it out there.....

catal · 28/04/2022 02:52

Success is not always welcomed by friends.
I am convinced she read it straight away but she doesn't want to open the subject anymore. She couldn't find anything negative to say to you so she's still looking. If she has to say anything she'll have to say some positives and she doesn't want to do that.
With the negative remarks she'll probably say that she's doing you a favour as it's constructive criticism.
Ask her to give you the dissertation as your father really wants to read it.
Keep the conversation brief and don't make a big deal doesn't matter what she says.
Diplomacy is the key!

Monty27 · 28/04/2022 04:11

Get it back today. If necessary tell her you're borrowing it back and don't let her have it ever again. Jeez

Russell19 · 28/04/2022 04:31

Don't 'ask', tell her you're coming to get it back for your dad. It's your property not hers.

Maybebabyno2 · 28/04/2022 06:33

I couldn't think of anything worse than reading a mates dissertation. What if I noticed errors or spelling mistakes? It would cause me untold amounts on anxiety!

I think it was odd she asked to read it, I think it's odd you have people other than your parents who want to read it. Just tell her your coming to get it as you need it back now, if she hasn't read it in 2 weeks she never will! I imagine she said it as a passing comment for something to say and didn't think it would ever materialise.

TolkiensFallow · 28/04/2022 06:35

Yeah just go and pick it up.

SnowyPetals · 28/04/2022 06:37

Are there no digital copies? Just take the hard copy back and email her a pdf copy to read at her leisure /never.

PinkSyCo · 28/04/2022 06:41

You think you might be being unreasonable to ask for something of yours back? Seriously? Confused

ChocBloc · 28/04/2022 07:09

Just get it back. Weird she was even interested in the first place tbh.

spotcheck · 28/04/2022 07:11

People politely ask to read these things. They often don't mean it

Hawkins001 · 28/04/2022 07:12

Yes to answer your question, I'd ask for it back, in the mean time, you said you had two copies printed, do you have the original digital copy ?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 28/04/2022 07:16

Im forever buying books I don’t get around to reading. She may have intended to read it but just hasn’t found the time or motivation. Although equally she may have just been saying she’d read it because she thought that was expected, personally I can’t see I would ever be interested in someone else’s dissertation so it does seem odd anybody other than a parent would be interested (assuming you’re at undergrad level).

Anyway, either way it’s reasonable to ask for it back.

MRex · 28/04/2022 07:24

I'd be interested in flicking through, but it really wouldn't be an urgent priority. Honestly I'd be baffled being given a bound copy, why didn't you just send her an electronic copy?

And yes, just ask for it back. Be gracious and just say your dad would like a read, so please can you have the copy back.

StrangeCondition · 28/04/2022 07:25

spotcheck · 28/04/2022 07:11

People politely ask to read these things. They often don't mean it

Hmm, I might politely feign an interest but I'd never ask to read one!

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