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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Getting over being ghosted... twice.

8 replies

toastynuttynuts · 27/04/2022 21:22

I 'met' someone on Twitter a few years ago, started talking about a mutual interest and really got on, lots of messages most days. We felt like good friends and chatted on the phone once a month or so as well as online messages. Both of us were in relationships, so it wasn't romantic at all, and we never met in person.

After talking for about a year, he just disappeared. Stopped responding to me altogether. I was confused and upset to begin with, but assumed he had his reasons and got on with life.

Then, about 2 months ago, I got a message from him out of the blue saying he was so sorry for the shitty way he treated me and asking how things were. I was surprised but pleased to hear from him. I'm now single, and he said he'd got divorced and was on his own too, and we got a bit more flirty. He said he had always liked me like that, and ended contact because it was too complicated and he was conflicted.

Stupidly, I fell for it, and we have been planning meeting up properly finally (he's in Scotland, I'm on the south coast of England). Then since Monday, he's just disappeared again. Same as the first time. I feel like such a mug and I don't know what I've done wrong.

What would you do? Send a final message telling him to fuck off? Just ignore and move on? Block?

OP posts:
Confusedcactus · 20/06/2022 20:48

I know this is probably too late. And I know this is easy advice to give, and how visceral that feeling is wanting to send a message to sign off and let him know he's worth nothing with behaviour like that..... but don't.
Because he isn't worth it.

If you already have, well, it's never too late to realise you're worth a damn site more, and to walk away with your head held high.

SpotlessMind88 · 20/06/2022 20:56

I would just block him. I wouldn't send a message to him, just straight block. You don't need that kind of person in your life.

AllFreeOwls · 20/06/2022 20:57

I wouldn't send a final message, just leave it as is.

Confusedcactus · 20/06/2022 20:58

What @SpotlessMind88 said. Fight the urge to message with everything you have. You don't need that. Don't have him imagine he is worth the effort.

seekingsomethingg · 20/06/2022 21:00

Under no circumstances do you send a final message. Silence is powerful. If someone can hurt you then they have power over you.

He’ll likely come back and then you can ignore him when he does.,

PatchworkElmer · 20/06/2022 21:29

Don’t send a final message

ChangedMyNamrButStillMe · 20/06/2022 21:33

I wouldn’t really consider that ghosting, you don’t know the guy. He’s someone you chatted with on Twitter and had a few phone calls with. You never met him, you know absolutely nothing about him other than what he told you which was almost certainly bullshit.

Nothing is real until you actually meet in person. Before that you might as well just be responding to a bot. I spent far too long getting hurt by people online before I realised this.

NotTerfNorCis · 20/06/2022 22:01

Was this thread started in April? Date seems to be 27/04.

What did you do in the end, OP?

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