Please help! Some child in my daughters class (year 5) told her to commit suicide

[Helena2346]

Hi all,

I’ve just come on here to ask for some advice to how best to handle the above situation.

earlier today my daughter came out of school visibly upset but said nothing was wrong. On Wednesdays we only have around 45 minutes after school before setting off to dancing so it’s all a bit of a rush, so it was left.

After the dance class a message was received saying the girls overheard talking about suicide, when I asked my daughter she has (eventually) told me that during the swimming lesson a boy in her year at school told her to commit suicide in graphic detail, (getting a rope, etc I won’t go into it)

im in shock a bit & she is very visibly upset about it now, I’ve obviously talked to her about it,

Any advice How best do I deal with this with school and my daughter?

I would talk to the school, that's awful

Who was the message from? If it was from school it sounds like they are aware and dealing with it.

Absolutely vile behaviour. Your poor child.

I would contact the school in the morning and request a meeting with the head in the first instance and I would expect them to come down hard and fast.

Im so sorry, I’m sure others will be along soon with better advice.

Message from?
Ask the school what actually happened/was said.

Speak to the school, if needs be ask that this child never be unsupervised with your daughter.

Reread the OP- so the dance teacher or another parent at dancing heard them talking about suicide and this was because a kid at school insulted them by saying "go hang yourself" (or words to that effect?)
Speak to school in the morning. But, as a teacher, tbf, it sounds like a nasty, but sadly rather typical insult thrown around without thinking of the words behind it. Obviously the child saying it needs a bollocking but it sounds like a playground insult rather than an instigation to commit suicide iyswim?

If that happens I would Go on the local authority website and look up out of hours social workers and phone them up now with as many details as you have, name, school, class
Address and parents details If you have them
Where abouts in the uk are you?

Hi all,

i apologise for not explaining the ‘dance class / message’ too well

it was a couple of girls in the class being a bit sassy towards my daughter (sounded like pre-teen stuff - you know leaving out, talking about, etc) she said to them in response ‘stop being mean - someone’s already told me to commit suicide today’

the dance teacher over heard & sent the message out - I feel that’s been handled badly imo

It’s such a sad phrase to fling around and horrible for a child of that age to known!

also im in the northwest

That's awful.

I would inform the school and hope they deal with the boy who said it. Tell dd to distance herself from him and ask teachers to keep an eye on situation.

For your dd I am not sure what the answer is, I suppose lots of support and empathy. Talk about how it says a lot about that boy and nothing about her. People should never say things like that. Remind her that she can always talk to you if anything like this happens again and it is good to share upsetting things as family or friend can help you process it.

Straight to the school in the morning.

I would tell the school, but I’d also want to understand why your daughter came out upset but didn’t tell you, seems to have happily used it to get the other girls to back off / feel sorry for her, and now is upset.

Mine is Y9 now, but that wasn’t an unusual comment from Y5 onwards, and all her friends wouldn’t have been upset - they’d have found the boy ridiculous and said, “don’t be so stupid” or even “piss off” and rolled their eyes.

So I’d definitely work on her resilience to nonsense mouthing off - she’s going to get more of it if mine’s experience is common!

Mine is Y9 now, but that wasn’t an unusual comment from Y5 onwards, and all her friends wouldn’t have been upset - they’d have found the boy ridiculous and said, “don’t be so stupid” or even “piss off” and rolled their eyes.

From what I understood it wasn't a single comment, it was detailed. That's rather different.

The school needs to deal with this urgently. Children have been pushed to suicide by others - usually through repeated bullying. This boy needs to know how serious his comments are.

It sounds as though maybe your dd needs support. Both by you and the school. I have never been faced with this. If it was my dd, I would discuss what he said her, with an emphasis of asking her how she feels, letting her talk and keeping an eye on friendships, get her a bit busy and involved in family life, maybe do a treat thing this weekend. Give her lots of love.

It seems that apart from speaking to the school, you also need a long conversation with your daughter. Not a lecture, but she's old enough to understand that suicide is a very emotional subject and should not be taken lightly. I hope you are able to sort this out.

Tell the school. I’m a teacher and I would 100% want to know, both so I could reassure your daughter and also to chat to the boy and find out where talk like that is coming from. He may well know someone who has committed suicide, or there may be a safeguarding issue around what he is watching/hearing to come up with that. I’d want to both make sure he was ok and also want to be letting him know in no uncertain terms that what he said to your daughter was not ok.

If a Year 5 boy had grafic knowledge of suicide I would be very worried. Ring school first thing and insist on speaking to HT. Don't be fobbed off. That boy needs help. Reassure your dd the boy is disturbed. Tell her how loved she is.