Husbands/partners speaking over women on postnatal ward

32 replies

pedropony76 · 27/04/2022 18:22

I’m really interested in hearing what other people think about this!

I had my first baby last May and we were in hospital for a week due to loads of complications. Women would come and go on the postnatal ward and one thing I noticed was how some men would speak over their wives/partners when the midwife would come round. For example, I remember there was one time when a midwife came round and asked about someone’s C section wound and if there was any pain. The woman started speaking saying, ‘There’s been a bit of pain and I’ve….’ and straight away the guy that she was with started speaking and said ‘oh yeah the wound is fine, she’s healing fine’ and that was it. The midwife tried to redirect the question back to the woman and the guy answered again! Super awkward so the midwife just left it. I noticed a few more instances when similar things happened but didn’t think too much about it.

Fast forward to now and I’ve had my second baby last week Wednesday. He’s in intensive care so I spend most of my time upstairs with him but when on the ward, I’ve noticed the same thing happening! Midwives will start speaking to the woman and asking questions and the man they’re with will just cut them short and start speaking over them. I don’t mean when the women are too tired to speak so the men speak instead or when midwives ask about the baby and the dad answers instead of the mum. I mean when the midwife asks direct questions about the woman and any pain/worries and the guy will just talk over them. I wondered what other people may think this is because of or if they’ve experienced similar when being on the postnatal ward?

Just to add. I know I’m posting on MN whilst my newborn is in intensive care but please don’t imply I don’t care about him or anything unpleasant along those lines. I’m cruising on autopilot and could do with a chat and nice distraction tbh. Thank you

OP posts:

PattyMelt · 27/04/2022 20:00

LetitiaLeghorn · 27/04/2022 18:43

😄 My friends husband's in hospital at the moment and she definitely speaks for him. He always understated his symptoms. He's not henpecked or bullied but he never wants to make a fuss. If it hadn't been for my friend, he'd still be in bed at home, probably dead. And that's not an exaggeration.

That's my Husband too. He makes me attend his doctor visits with him. He forgets most of what they have told him and minimises his symptoms if I'm in the waiting room.

Maydaysoonenough · 27/04/2022 20:13

My twat first dh slept through my first labour.. The mw sarcastically apologised for his dc keeping him awake. She never spoke to him again! She got his number long before I did. Maybe some dv training would be a good idea!

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 27/04/2022 20:14

There was an absolute bunch of bell ends of partner when I was in having DS2 18 weeks ago. One of the men was sleeping in the arm chair his feet up on the bed holding the baby with the post section women packed up her things. Another went home at 9pm and didn't come back till lunchtime the next day because he'd been out drinking and was hungover.

But the worst was this awful man who was having 'banter' with the midwives who were explaining why his baby needed light therapy. Several midwives explained why and eventually the head one came and dud the same. He kept name dropping his mother who was a retired midwife. I didn't hear his partner speak once.

FairWindClearSailing · 27/04/2022 20:28

That's bizarre and would say it's not common. My DH doesn't do this but if he ever did, I'd tell him pretty directly that question was directed at me, not him. Also think it's up to the midwives to say they want an answer from the mother.

Hope your little boy is home soon, op!

Marblessolveeverything · 27/04/2022 20:39

Hope your little one is on the mend soon.I attended a midwife learner feedback session last year, Northern Ireland and there was lots of discussion about clear communication in scenarios similar to those you mentioned. So it is on their mind. Wishing you the best.

Herejustforthisone · 28/04/2022 13:08

Sceptre86 · 27/04/2022 19:00

Hope your little one is OK op and you are recovering well. I've not seen or experienced it on the postnatal ward. I did have an incidence where my midwife directed a question at both my dh and I at our booking in appointment and he answered before I did and she was going to go with his response. The question was with regards to whether we would consider termination if screening discovered any issues. Dh said no and midwife said no need for screening then. At this point I interjected that I did want the baby to be screened and as the primary caregiver and the pregnant person it was up to me and I would like to be prepared and wouldn’t rule out termination. I told my dh off afterwards that whilst he can advocate for me when I am unable to I didn't appreciate him talking over me. She never made that mistake again but rightly or wrongly I took a dislike to her after that.

I think I’d have taken a disliking to your husband, too. When it comes to pregnancy and birth, I have to say, I feel men should know their place. 🤷🏼‍♀️ and it ain’t front and centre.

Sunnysideup999 · 28/04/2022 13:12

A guy on a post natal ward once helped saved my life . My husband had gone home to sleep. It was 5 hours after I’d given birth and I was starting to haemorrhage. I called weakly for a nurse …. A guy across on another bay saw I was trying to get nurse attention and bellowed VERY loudly for a nurse . They came running . Forever grateful for that guy and his loud voice . Not sure they would have listened to me or another female voice.
they have their uses I guess.

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