Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find working full time as a single mum to a toddler really hard!

28 replies

LCD39 · 27/04/2022 07:17

I'm a full time working single mum to an 18 Month old. I was coping quite well, up until my daughter and I got covid a few weeks ago! I had to continue working and luckily my mother, who usually lives abroad, was over so helped me with childcare (she also had covid but with no symptoms)!

Now my parents have gone back abroad and my daughter, two weeks later, has got another virus and can't go to nursery tomorrow I will need to take tomorrow off work (my ex isn't very helpful... for some reason it seems only mum's can take time off work for their sick children)!

I feel I had the nursery, pick up and drop off, working from home three days a week and commuting to London twice a week, all sorted but the sleep deprivation from my LG and her constantly being ill keeps throwing me a curve ball! I don't know how Im meant to work full time and be a single parent! I've had a pity party for one last night and couldn't stop crying... it all just feels too much. I have to pay for all bills, food etc and nursery on my own (ex pays £300 a month) and have taken freelance work on, on top of my work to pay for everything! I work full time, hardly see my LG and hardly have any money after I pay for everything! Does anyone have any positive stories of being a full time working single mum to a toddler? Or am I attempting to spin too many plates?

I feel permanently exhausted, constantly anxious about money and work and feel there is no solution. My work is already understaffed (with no plan to hire anyone else)! I think if I could get more sleep, I'd be able to see things more clearly but my daughter is waking every few hours. I do manage to get her into a good sleep pattern, then she goes to her dad's who has no routine and it starts all over again!

Sorry, not sure of the point of this post just feeling quite low and alone. Xxxx

OP posts:
searchingforsomethiing · 27/04/2022 07:21

It will get easier but you need to take your ex to the cleaners for child maintenance

Original poster
LCD39 · 27/04/2022 07:25

@searchingforsomethiing that's all he has to pay according to CMS!

OP posts:
Flatbrokefornow · 27/04/2022 07:28

It’s crazy, crazy hard. I don’t have any tips, just sympathy.

Steelesauce · 27/04/2022 07:29

I work full time and I am a single parent to 3 children. I also had a break down last night over it... It is so tough and I think we keep going for so long, have a moment then pull ourselves together and keep going. What choice do we have really? My children's dad doesn't see them or pay maintenance so it is all down to me. The pressure gets too much! Just sending some solidarity really 💜

EdgeOfSeventeenAndThreeQuarter · 27/04/2022 07:33

Yanbu, it’s utter shit.

I only go to the office once a week but it’s 100 mile round trip and my kids are older.

yesterday I followed a neighbour about 45 miles and he does it daily.

I was cross-eyes driving home and crawled into bed at 7:30.

difference is, his wife works PT, they’re drowning in cash and have both sets of parents in the village too. My ex is fucking useless and my dad lives 100s of miles away.

I was “this close” to throwing in the towel yesterday.

just the unending shit and exhaustion of it all.

big hugs and big sympathy.

dontknowhow2help · 27/04/2022 07:38

Not a single parent but I've been thinking lately how being a working mum to a small child is almost impossible. I take my hat off to you!

My child had covid a few weeks ago, which was uneventful, but on their second cold since then and it's just so stressful juggling childcare and work around them being sick. It's awful! The mum guilt is unreal.

I have NO idea how people cope with a) more than one and b) no live in support (I feel like I need a babysitter who can jump in whenever I need help and doesn't care about getting sick themselves!).

You are a superwoman!

Deereemer · 27/04/2022 07:47

Yanbu. I was in exactly the same position as you and it was so hard. Nothing really prepares anyone for working full time with a toddler. Sending huge solidarity hugs, it does get better. I am now in a lovely relationship with someone who is not only lovely to me but really pulls their weigjt domestically, which allowed me to go from freelance to running my own business. Being alone meant I had to become ruthless in terms of. Choosing a partner who lifts me up, as well as capitalising my strengths to increase income. I wouldn't have been able to do either without the hard single parent years, and certainly wouldn't have been able to with exh. Best of luck op, you've got this xx

Momicrone · 27/04/2022 07:51

Could you move closer to your parents so you feel less alone in the world. Think about hinges you could make that would make life easier.

Bearsinmotion · 27/04/2022 07:54

Mine are primary age. I’d like to say it gets easier but I think really I have just got more used to it. On a day to day basis I do feel on top of things, but when the unexpected happens it’s so hard. My daughter broke her arm last year and had to stay in hospital for two nights, thank god for helpful school mums!

mudgetastic · 27/04/2022 07:54

Do you know any older women who may have been in your situation? I am sure there are people who remember would help

Original poster
LCD39 · 27/04/2022 07:56

Thank you everyone who has made the effort to reply, I'm sorry we've all been or are going through similar but your posts have made me feel less alone! Thank you so much! Sometimes it's the isolation that can be crippling and all my friends are very well off and many Sahm, so don't understand my struggles! @Deereemer thanks for your reply! I ended up feeling so low because I asked my ex for help yesterday and he said he would only look after LG until 10am (even though his boss said he could take half a day)! I do believe choosing the right or wrong partner can have such an impact on your future! My ex treated my appallingly, does bare minimum yet I am always the bad person! He called me mental, and told me I needed help and that I was controlling (simply for pointing out how much I do and how it always impacts my work and not his)! I wish his words didn't still hurt me, but they really do! It's lovely to hear of your positive story and has made me feel positive for the future! Thank you x

OP posts:
Original poster
LCD39 · 27/04/2022 07:57

@Momicrone I would love to, they live in France! However, my ex would make it extremely difficult to allow me to move abroad!

OP posts:
Momicrone · 27/04/2022 08:00

So he won't help you and he also won't allow you to move

Original poster
LCD39 · 27/04/2022 08:18

@Momicrone it's all about control! He won't help financially, when I had to take my LG to a&e he wouldn't come to the hospital with me and didn't pick up his phone when I was there, when she was Ill with covid he didn't help me out at all! BUT I'm always the one who is asking too much, mental, max, controlling! I FaceTime him every night, have even bought him a car seat for her as he can't afford it but when I reach end of my tether... Everything is my fault! He really does bare minimum but thinks he is super dad!

OP posts:
lickenchugget · 27/04/2022 08:44

I

Eggshelly · 27/04/2022 08:46

I have no idea how single parents who work full time cope tbh I struggle with my sightly reduced hours and a little one.

EdgeOfSeventeenAndThreeQuarter · 27/04/2022 08:57

I’d knock that calling every night on the head. My ex used to have us do that and WA pointed out it’s a control thing. He’s making sure you’re “home” and available - even though the kids rarely have anything to say. I thought I was being nice - but he was intruding on my personal space and time.

ChocolateHippo · 27/04/2022 11:07

LCD39 · 27/04/2022 07:57

@Momicrone I would love to, they live in France! However, my ex would make it extremely difficult to allow me to move abroad!

It must be tempting to call his bluff and say "I'm moving. If you try to stop me, you'd better be prepared to be a full-time parent".

It's so tough sometimes balancing everything, especially when they're ill. Add in being a single parent, money being tight and not having family close by to help out and it becomes practically impossible. You're doing a great job.

Original poster
LCD39 · 27/04/2022 11:16

@Steelesauce sending love and hugs to you! You are amazing (I know sometimes you don't even want to hear that and just would love some downtime)! If you ever need to chat drop me a PM if you have that kind of thing on Mumsnet xxxx

OP posts:
Original poster
LCD39 · 27/04/2022 11:19

@EdgeOfSeventeenAndThreeQuarter sounds like that commute is stressful! And yes, totally get that feeling if 'oh you find it hard do you, well try doing it all in your own.' And I totally get the feeling of throwing the towel in, I'm there every other week! If I have a good week I feel invincible if I have a bad week I can get really depressed! As I said previously, feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat! Maybe we should start a whats app group for frazzled single mums! I know speaking to people in the same boat helps me xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
LCD39 · 27/04/2022 11:21

@dontknowhow2help we are all super women! Just because you're not a single mum, doesn't mean it's not bloody hard! It's the expense of nursery, then all the bloody rules of not sending them in sick, the guilt of not being able to work, the guilt of getting frustrated your baby is Ill Again! The work piling up because you haven't gone in and your brain feeling frazzled! You are a suoerwoman too xxx

OP posts:
Danikm151 · 27/04/2022 11:27

It’s really f**ing hard!
i have a just turned 2 year old. Just when I feel we get into the routine something comes along.
his nursery is just opposite my work so that helps but by the time he is in bed and i’ve had something to eat there’s nothing left of the day. I don’t drive so we get the bus, if it’s busy we don’t get home till well after 6 sometimes… not exactly quality time before bed.
my house isn’t as clean as I want it to be because I’m too tired.
I’m drowning in nursery fees and all the other household costs.

I need a break 😂

chipsnmayo · 27/04/2022 11:39

I became a single mum to a toddler 20 years ago, I didnt have any family nearby either (well one brother but he worked FT so wasnt in a position to do free childcare) and my ex was flaky as hell on the 'coparenting' (then he died when she was six).

My DD was in childcare from very young and she got quite a few viruses / bugs but then her immunity built up, and throughout primary, secondary she didnt get sick a lot (the odd cold / bout of D&V), she only had a handful of sick days so it does get better on that front. Also, it became very 'normal' being a single mum, it was a shock to the system at first, however I became adaptable / more resilent as DD got older.

dontknowhow2help · 28/04/2022 11:26

LCD39 · 27/04/2022 11:21

@dontknowhow2help we are all super women! Just because you're not a single mum, doesn't mean it's not bloody hard! It's the expense of nursery, then all the bloody rules of not sending them in sick, the guilt of not being able to work, the guilt of getting frustrated your baby is Ill Again! The work piling up because you haven't gone in and your brain feeling frazzled! You are a suoerwoman too xxx

❤️❤️❤️

Kaisy123 · 25/09/2022 20:28

Hi, I am looking for another single mum who wants to privately rent in Central London. It is so difficult to find a place as landlords prefer to rent to couples, so teaming up with another mum can be a solution. I also want to get back to work full time, and childcare costs are super high, so if I would look after kids on my days off and another mum would look after kids on her days off, we could put kids to nursery for only one or two days a week, which is affordable. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks.

Swipe left for the next trending thread